Say Bye Bye To The Bieber Bowl

Is it possible that there could actually be a hairstyle even worse than a Mullet? I'm sure you're all familiar with the Mullet, correct? You know the one, Business in the front, Party in the back? Yeah, THAT one.

Worn by some of the Souths best known hillbillies. In fact, one special billie comes to mind by the name of Billy Ray Cyrus. I'm not exactly sure if he comes from the South originally but I'd have to think he knows the Appalachians really well.

Another fine example of this all inclusive hair style is a gentleman who goes by the name of Dog The Bounty Hunter. He has taken the Mullet to places that few others have even dared to go. And don't bother telling him you're not a huge fan because if he doesn't arrest you, his wife sure will. I think he might be the Mayor of South Florida but I can't confirm this. I'll have to check with Kimbo Slice.


I'm sure most everyone would agree that it's not the most flattering look. On anyone. Eveb when it first became popular, I believe sometime back in the early 80's, only true good ol' boys, actual Lynrd Skynrd fans had the guts to even go there.

Perhaps the original intention was to provide a bit of protection for the back of the neck while out plowin' the 'back forty' but no doubt it evolved into the signature style for the true 80's Hair Band Head Bangin' Rocker.

For the most part, those days seem to be over (thank G*d) except for the occasional leftover loser that refuses to look in the mirror and deal with todays reality.

And while Kate Gosselin of 'Too Late For John & Kate Makin' More Than Eight' fame made a valiant attempt at putting a 'twist' on it and make it her trademark 'doo', luckily for us the "Reverse Mullet" never seemed to catch on.


While some might argue that the Mowhawk could possibly rank as the worst hair invention ever thought up, at least those rare few brave (or stupid) enough to actually wear one deserve a bit of credit.

At least in my opinion they do. I have to give props to people that aren't afraid to fly their Freedom Flag, drawing tons of (negative) attention to themselves and looking completely ridiculous while doing so.

Some people just crave attention, for better or for worse and are willing to do just about whatever it takes, tossing aside all signs of dignity and self respect in order to get it.


Now that doesn't include those idiots that are currently sporting the "Faux Hawk". I'm have to think that most of you have seen the goofballs that choose to go with this style. The noncommital type for sure.

They don't actually have the guts to trim the sides of their hair off into an actual Mowhawk so what they do is they take some hair gel and just sorta push their hair up from the sides, creating a sort of 'Psuedo Hawk'. Weak to say the least.

Reminiscent of a Donald Trump combover but with a bit of a twist. Rather than from the back in a sorta swirl like a cup of frozen yogurt, ala The Donald, these guys choose to just comb it up from the sides and the back, creating this Faux~Pas. Zero originality with a slight bit of scaredeycat thrown in.


Even the "Bed Head" trend was better than the Mullet. With just a hint of mystery, the Bed Header permeated a feeling of wonderment. Not just wondering if he has any idea how stupid he looks but more of being completely unaware of what happened the previous night.

Does he have any idea where he was when he woke up this morning, how he even got there or is it just the fact that he couldn't care less how he looks when he's out in public?


Which leads to others scratching their heads as well, wondering what could have happened last night. Did he unexpectedly spend the night at a strangers house? Was he drunk at a party and walked home? Woke up behind a dumpster? This style congers up all kinds of questions surely to go unanswered.



The possibilities are endless. But in reality, more than likely the Bed Header was just too damn lazy to take a shower, let alone comb his hair and is using a trend as an excuse.

A kissin' cousin of Bed Head look is the so called EMO look. I believe this is short for Emotional as all these guys look like they're always about to cry or even worse, about to kill themselves. I'm sure you've seen this one as well. Overgrown, zero style factor, generally unkept, greasy and gross with a big ol' swoop hangin' down over one (or both) eye(s). Needless to say, a real winner.

These aren't always the easiest to spot because most of these self made losers usually walk around (or slump around) wearing baggy, all black outfits and continually stare at the ground, giving off a terrible sort of 'Woe is me' type of vibe.


It's quite possible that these guys are derivitives of the Goth era. I'm not 100% sure about this but one thing that is for sure, they have loser written all over them.

Actually it's amazing how much can be said with a hairstyle. Both good and bad, so much of a persons perceived personality is reflected in their hairstyle.

Like it or not, that's just the way it is. Same as so much of ones opinion is based on the clothes they wear, their hair and how they choose to wear it is a big reflection on them.

Now let me be the first to say that I'm a firm believer in individuality and the ability of a person to express their personality in any way they see fit. But on the same token, when more than a couple people tell you that you look like a complete fool, perhaps it's time to reevaluate your thinking.


Even if you prefer to go completely against societys rules, nothing says you have to look like a moron doing it. Growing up, we all tend to rebel against authority in some way, shape or form. It's only natural. I did it, heck I'm sure everybody has done it at one time or another.


Your parents tell you not to do something and so naturally you push it until you find out just exactly how strongly they feel about it. You test their limits as long as you can until you get your ass spanked or you get grounded, whichever comes first. It's kinda like a tradition, one that's most likely been going on since the caveman days.

That doesn't make it right. That merely means that it's an age old right of passage. A phase of sorts but like all good things, it too must come to an end.



Eventually you're going to have to make a choice in whether or not to interact with society and if you choose to do so, then you're gonna have to make some sacrifices in order to fit in. That is of course unless you end up being a big time Rock Star and if that's the case, take the money and live life on your terms. More power to you.

But that's just about a one in a million plus occurence which means that most of us are gonna have to give in at some point. Like it or not, your clothes, hair style, mannerisms and the overall way you conduct yourself will all play a huge role in just how far you'll go in this world.


It wasn't until about three or four months ago that I noticed a disturbing new trend in hairstyles that really started to freak me out. Now you might be thinking that I'm referring to that f'n fruit loop from the U.K., Russel Brand. He's that metrosexual Freddie Mercury wannabe that thinks he's funny. Sorry Russ, we're laughing AT you, not with you.


I still have faith that most sane human beings would never wear a hair style that looks like Davey Crockets' Coonskin Cap (aka: dead raccoon) sitting on top of their head. At least I hope so anyway. Again, unless you're a Rock Star, which he's not.

Nope, I'm talking about that pretentious little egomaniac from the TV Show Million Dollar Listing. Not sure if you've ever watched this program but basically it centers around three trust fund babies with the good life basically handed to them.


As it turns out, they're Realtors in Los Angeles and in real life, none of them could ever get a Listing or sell a home but because it's TV, it's hard to know what to believe. You'd have to think that the only Clients that are dealing with them are people that want themselves or their homes to get some big time TV exposure.


One dweeb in particular has a hairdoo that looks like he bent down, hanging his head over an upside down lawnmower (while it was running!) and got his nose ever so close to the blade, allowing his hair to be trimmed right to the edge. No doubt not the safest of procedures.


Semi reminiscent of The Donalds combover but this is more of a comb forward. Kinda like he was wearing a motorcycle helmet and any hair that was still exposed beyond the edge of the helmet was cut off. No doubt it takes the 'Bowl Cut' to a completely different level.

When you add to it the fact that he's completely obsessed with his hair, and I mean OBSESSED, it just makes the whole thing that much harder to swallow.

Then when they focus in on all the people he's talking to and you can see the look of astonishment on their faces, asking themselves if this punk is actually real. You can tell that they're doing everything they can to not just fall on the ground laughing, knowing that they can never take this kid seriously. It's blatant that he's just an idiot. With or without the hair.


So you can imagine my surprise when I saw another kid with this same style of ridiculous hairdoo. My first thought was Noooo, not again!


Not exactly sure but this kid appeared to be in his early teens. I'm terrible with guessing age but it's gotta be somewhere around there. Definitely way too young to drive.


My second thought was "Poor kid, what the hell did your Mom do to your hair?" Like those people that dress their kids like the people they always wanted to be but never had the guts to actually be.

Or even worse, like those Moms that dress their kids like life size Barbie Dolls and enter them in those scary Pageants. Now THAT stuff really freaks me out but that's another Post entirely. I'll save that one for later.


Back to our story. This kid has been getting a bunch of exposure lately, both on TV and on YouTube. I'm not here to talk about his talent. No doubt he's got way more talent than I do so I give him tons of credit for getting out there and living his dream.

But therein lies the problem. I would think that his musical talent should stand out more than his hair but unfortunately for me I can stop wondering WTF happened. I'm not completely sure it was his Moms idea but one thing that IS for sure, he looks completely ridiculous.


No doubt you've seen or heard about him lately. He's been promoted on every morning show, among other places. His name is Justin Bieber and no doubt he's very talented for such a young kid. When I first saw him, he was on a morning show, singin' and playing the piano and no doubt he did really well.

Yet I found myself wondering how he was even able to see the piano keys because no doubt he couldn't hardly see anything with that haircut. Sort of like the EMO but with the added stupidity of the side bangs. Like a combover from hell, it's as if he copied the loser from Million Dollar Listings' style to the tee. Poor kid.


So it should come as no surprise to anyone that he walked straight into a glass revolving door a few weeks ago. Can't really blame him, he can't see past his bangs.

Then to add insult to injury, he ended up walking right into a giant glass wall just a few days after that. If that's not enough to tell you the poor kid can't see, I don't know what is.


Justins Mom, I'm pleading with you. Please end the trend before it ever gets started and somebody really gets hurt. The Beatles have been gone for quite some time, let's let the Bieber Bowl rest in peace as well.


There are just so many hairstyles out there to choose from I'd hate to see other kids being influenced by such ridiculous, not to mention dangerous haircuts. Use your imagination, think outside the box and I'll bet you'll be amazed what you can dream up.

I'd enjoy hearing your thoughts on todays trends in hairstyles and if you enjoyed this Post, I'd appreciate it if you'd Tweet it or Share it with your friends on Facebook.