My Dearest Annabelle....

How do I even begin to put in to words just how much meeting you has meant to me? It seems that mere words aren't enough to say what's on my mind and in my heart. To tell you how I truly feel. Yet, in some way I need to tell the world about one of the most wonderful people I could have ever hoped to have met. While I made an attempt in an earlier post, You Were Right On Time!, I feel the need to let everyone know just how incredible you truly are.


I have struggled with this post for about a month now. It was approximately this time last month that I found out that one of the sweetest people I have ever known had passed away. That I had lost someone so dear to my heart, that I would never again get to talk with you, to hear your beautiful voice. Needless to say I was devastated by the news and have been ever since.

And as you can tell, I'm having extreme difficulty refering to anything in the past tense. I keep hoping that the next time I open my eyes, this will all be just a bad dream, a nightmare of sorts and that all of a sudden my phone will ring and it will be you on the other end, calling to tell me that everything is ok. Oh, how I need to hear your voice right now.


Every time I sit down at my desk and attempt to express my emotions, my inner feelings, the flood of tears begins to flow uncontrollably and the river of sorrow clouds my eyes to the point of not being able to see the keyboard and with my lack of typing skills, I need to look at the keys quite often. This has been one of the most difficult posts I've ever written.


Yet I know I can't give up, I need to persevere. In fact, after spending the last few hours typing this post the first time [yes, I said the "first" time] my computer "locked up" and I completely lost everything I had originally written. Even though the draft had apparently been saved, obviously that wasn't the case. And so here we go, again. I refuse to give up.


Speaking of refusing to give up, that's one of many things that I learned from you. All the times I complained about losing a girlfriend, a car, even my Condo and wanted to have a "pity party", to just "pack it in", to just get drunk and more or less just bail on life, you had a very subtle way of letting me know that quitting wasn't even an option. That every problem that I looked at as being so insurmountable was merely just another bump on the road of life.

Not that you ever had a pity party of your own or tried to throw your problems in the mix but you showed me how to overcome obstacles that would take anyone down, merely by changing my perspective. How everything in life could be conquered with an attitude adjustment, which begins with being grateful.

Being grateful. Sounds like such a simple idea, just an old cliche'. Yet it isn't always that easy. With all of the struggles of daily life it's hard to remain focused on all we have to be grateful for. It's much easier to look at what we don't have and continue to say how much better our lives would be if we had "this" or "that". We seem to take for granted everything we already have, continually wanting more but you have shown me just how precious another sunrise can be, another sunset.

That's just one of the many things I've learned from you. I only wish I could give back to you one ounce of what you've given me. As I look back through all of our emails [yes, I cherish them and saved them all] I still find it odd when you mention my willpower and courage. As far as I'm concerned, anything that I have accomplished is nothing in comparison to all you have conquered. You showed me what real courage, in the face of major adversity, truly is and for that I will be forever grateful.

Speaking of never giving up, I never wanted to be thought of as a quitter. Like they say, "Don't ever give up. You never know who or what could be just around the corner." But until I met you, I never actually knew how true this was. Before I met you, there were many times I wanted to just give in and say forget it, yet had I done that I never would have met you and what a tremendous loss that would have been for me and my life. Again, another reason to be grateful.

I find myself feeling so confused, even angry at the thought of you being gone. How could such a beautiful person be taken away at such a young age? And why did you have to struggle throughout your life? You always told me that G*d didn't give us any more than we could handle but why would he make you fight so hard? You deserved a life without pain and heartache and how I would have given anything for you to have that. You know me, I'm "Mr. Fix It" and if there's a problem, I need to fix it, right away if not sooner and this was a situation I couldn't fix. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't make it any better for you and this will always leave me wondering why. Why couldn't I have done more?

Annabelle, I can never begin to thank you enough for everything you have done for me. I truly consider meeting you to be one of the greatest things that's ever happened in my life. Your words of wisdom and encouragement will always be with me as you will forever be in my heart and soul. Your courage, strength, intelligence, kindness, the warmth of your heart, they will always be on my mind. Oh, I miss you so much. My heart is truly broken.

Annabelle, I Love You, I will never forget you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being my friend.

XMAS SUCKS! There.... I Said It!

Yep, that's what I said. Christmas really does suck. Not sure if I'm the only one that feels this way or just the only one with enough guts to say it out loud. And I really can't say when it all changed but it's just about the most miserable time of the year for me. Matter of fact, this time of the year has sucked for so long that I can barely remember far enough back to when it didn't suck.

Strange though, how some of the greatest memories I have are memories of Xmas' past, yet now I literally dread this time of the year. I can still recall relentlessly shaking every box under the tree, doing my best to figure out just exactly what Santa brought me.




Always hoping for a rattle, clunk or a knock of some sort. At the very least a bit of "weight", insuring a cool toy. But I can still remember the pain and disappointment of the "quiet" boxes which signalled the impending let down of socks or a sweater. And needless to say I always checked the boxes that were addressed to my sister. Surely I couldn't have her getting more "rattlers" than I was, right? Right!





When did it all change? When did it take such a horrible turn for the worse? I don't think it was upon discovering the fact that my parents had been lying to me this entire time. That Santa really didn't exist and that he was just some made up fantasy. Some commercially driven "Guru" conjured up to guilt people into buying more "stuff". No, that couldn't have been it. I was too young to understand any of that and besides, I didn't see any kind of a drop in my "under the tree box count" once Santa was out of the picture. There had to be more to it.








Perhaps it was when I had to start buying presents for other people, OUT OF MY OWN MONEY! What the heck was that all about? I mean c'mon, wasn't Christmas all about receiving? As I would come to learn, it wasn't after all and so I must admit coming to that realization did tarnish things a bit. As I write this, I'm kinda getting the drift that I might have been a bit spoiled back then. Jeez, who'd a thunk it?






It seems as if everyone is having the best time ever, enjoying friends and family and truly getting in to the Holiday spirit. But here I am watching the clock tick by at a snails pace, second after miserable second, just trying to survive until the ball drops somewhere on earth and I can start my New Year.

Originally I had planned on just ending 2009 a month early, getting a jump start on 2010 and bypassing this "season" altogether but I was hit with some devastating news around the end of November which left me in a total funk for the last few weeks. So I have no other option than to suffer through 'till the New Year.

To make things even worse, I can remember saying pretty much these same words last year at this time and promising myself that 2009 was gonna be different. It was going to be the year that everything changed for me, I got my life back on track and things started to go good for a change. Nope, never happened.

Do I dare give it another shot? Another attempt to make 2010 a great year? I'm not stupid enough to say that '10 couldn't be worse than '09 because as we all know, things can always be worse and just as soon as you utter those words, they will become reality. Therefore, I won't waste my time on the negative energy.

And yes, I know all about being grateful for what we have, not complaining about what we don't have. It's just that after another twelve months have flown by and I'm in even worse shape than I was at this time last year, the positive side of things is just a bit harder to find. Seems much further away, somewhere off in the distance. Matter of fact, kinda hard to see it at all now that most of the "shine" has been tarnished. Not even sure a 55 gallon drum of TARN-X could save them now. All those hopes, dreams and goals washed away.








Speaking of goals, what happened to all those goals that I had? All those dreams I had planned on coming true. I'll be the first to admit that I hate playing the blame game but in this case I pretty much have to. Sure, it would be nice to say that "this" happened or "that" went wrong because of so and so but when it comes right down to it, there's really nobody to blame but me. Yikes, that's not exactly a great realization to come to. But the truth hurts and all the blame surely falls on me.

When it comes right down to it, nobody is going to change my life but me. Sure, things are gonna happen that force me to change my plans every so often and I'll need to adjust my goals accordingly but that's still no excuse for an entire year passing me by with nothing to show for it.

Were my goals too lofty, did I set the bar too high? I'd have to think not. I think it's more along the lines of not taking enough action, not staying laser focused on what I wanted to accomplish, refusing to let anything stop me until I achieved them. Here again, the blame surely lies with me.

So here we are, with the end of 2009 drawing near. Do I dare make another list of goals and dreams? How can I not? I mean, isn't that what this time of the year is all about? Trying to make your life better and not repeating the same mistakes you made the year before. And so with that I guess my first goal for 2010 is to make sure next Christmas doesn't suck. I don't want to have to look back at this post, change a couple numbers and copy and paste it to my blog. Nope, 2010 is going to be better. I just know it.

Nothing Personal....It's Just Business

With the millions, possibly billions of Blogs currently floating out 'there' in the Blogosphere, is there any room for yet another Blog?

Wikipedia defines the Blogosphere as: The blogosphere is made up of all blogs and their interconnections. The term implies that blogs exist together as a connected community (or as a collection of connected communities) or as a social network in which everyday authors can publish their opinions.
The term was coined on September 10, 1999 by Brad L. Graham, as a joke. It was re-coined in 2002 by William Quick, and was quickly adopted and propagated by the warblog community. The term resembles the older word logosphere (from Greek logos meaning word, and sphere, interpreted as world), "the world of words", the universe of discourse. Anyway, happy ten year anniversary to the Blogosphere. Now, back to my Post.


I found I recently had to ask myself this very question before I began the arduous task of building a Blog. First thing I had to ask myself, Why bother? I mean, who on earth would ever read it anyway? That's when I realized that I'm 'Old School' and I'm blogging more for my own 'release' than for others reading pleasure. Sure, I'd enjoy knowing that someone, somewhere was able to gain something from reading it but that still wasn't my main focus.



My interpretation of a Blog is also a bit different than the mainstream Blogs of today. I look at them more through the eyes of a writer than an online marketer. Not to say that one is better or more important, just two entirely different perspectives.


While both are concerned with 'traffic' per se, the Internet Marketer is much more concerned with the new FTC rules and how they will impact their ability to flood the Net with their promises of making a million a month for life overnight while laying on the couch watching reruns of Friends 'opportunities' than I am. Which of course makes me wonder if I will even find one person out there that even cares enough to take the time to read a Blog that is all about reality and lifes lessons. After all, I'm no 'Snake Oil Salesman' and I surely don't claim to be.


Back in the 'Old Days', way before I even owned a computer, Blogs were basically online diaries. A means of spilling ones guts, in essence a stress reliever of sorts, without any hidden agenda whatsoever. That was until the spammers started trying to devise ways of using them to spread the word about their incredible Biz Opps, which in turn spelled the demise of personal blogging. All trust was wiped away in an instant as readers began to wonder about the hidden agenda behind each posting and was it really Grandma with the knitting needles writing the post or just some guy with greasy hair, in a plaid suit, smoking a cigar, waiting to pounce on them.


Not that I'm against making money, that's not it at all but when all Bloggers are looked at as 'Used Car Salesman' [nothing against those guys & gals, just an example], then that puts those of us with an honest message in a bad light. This was recently brought to my attention as I had an online acquaintance say to me that he didn't really believe what I had to say and that I had to earn his trust.


Now at first this seemed a bit strange to me. "What's he thinkin', doesn't he know me?" I'm all about spilling my guts, good and bad [mostly bad], no false promises, all in hopes that others might be able to learn from my mistakes so they didn't have to repeat them themselves. But then it occured to me that he has been experiencing the same thing I have. I am at a point where I can't trust nor believe anything that I read on the internet. And that's not a pleasant feeling. Hate to sound so negative but with all of the outrageous claims being strewn about and knowing that only 3% [if that] of the people online are actually making any money, I had no other option but to agree with him.


Even though I prefer reading the Personal Blogs as opposed to the Biz Blogs, I can see where both have their place. And if a Biz Blog has valuable content, then I'm all for it. I hate to see the personal blogs fade away like VCRs and Cell Phones the size of suitcases but that's progress and nothing we can do about it. But have you looked at some of these Biz Blogs lately? Well, I have and for the most part they have turned in to psuedo 'pit stops', nothing but SEO keywords and Links to other Blogs that are full of other content that was 'swiped' from another Blogger whos post had risen to the top of a Google search. Zero originality, let alone any amount of useful content of their own. After awhile you get tired of scowering the internet, looking for useful information, only to find watered down bits and pieces of the original content that is more or less irrelivent now as it was originally posted some three or four years ago. And as we all know, the internet is growing at such a fast pace that what was new six months ago is more than likely way out of date.



The emphasis seems to have changed from good, useable content to who can find the best software to Spambot themselves to the highest Search Engine rankings in order to sell their software to the next "SEOSPAMBOTKEYWORDOPTIMIZERINGURU" that comes along searching for a way to make 9 Figures Overnight while on the beach in Fiji. While I may sound bitter and I surely don't want to, I'm more disappointed than anything else.


I'll also be the first to admit that I'm a huge fan of Social Media. Whether it be Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, Digg, LinkedIn, or the myriad of others out there, I think they have all done wonders in helping the world to connect like never before. Here again though, the Spamathoners and the X~Rated Webcammers have initiated their massive onslaughts on these Sites, thereby continuing their oversaturation of the internet and the further deterioration of the integrity within those Sites. Not that they can completely take away the integrity of every individual on the Site, but the ratio of Spambot to 'real' person is being drastically swayed. Truly a shame as it causes everyone to think twice about trusting anyone.



That is why it's so refreshing when you actually find a real person on the Net these days, a true individual floating out there in the 'Sea of Spammers'. Lately I've been very lucky in this respect as I've connected with more than a few people that still believe as I do. Their focus is much more on how they can help others, how they can add value to their lives and help them along through lifes journey as opposed to how can I get them to think that I just made $10K last night while I was on the couch watching CSI.


As a matter of fact, one in particular stands out as she really caught my attention with her content and blogging style. Both are extremely similar to my own, which of course it goes without saying that I'm a huge fan of my own stuff. Needless to say it's been great communicating with her and regardless of whether or not we share the same viewpoint on a certain subject, I feel as if I can relate to where she's coming from and therefore how she was able to reach the conclusion she did. Most of all though, it's the trust aspect. I don't feel as if there are any 'smoke and mirrors' involved and that's just a pleasant feeling to say the least.


All this got me to wondering, could this be a trend and a welcome one at that? Or am I on a 'Lucky Streak', just happened to find a few needles in this very large haystack of marketing mayhem? Is it possible that this flood of 'fakes' is causing a resurgence in personal blogging or is it just wishful thinking on my part?


When it gets to the point that you have to analyze every Tweet, Comment and Email, looking for the 'hidden' message, wondering what they are trying to sell, scam or spam me with, needless to say it can be very exhausting. Not to mention all the doubt it creates when you have to ask yourself who's really hiding behind every fake avatar and profile pic wondering what virus will be left behind in their wake. Definitely a workout.


While I might be looking at my monitor through rose colored glasses, imagining a spam & scam free Internet, I know that isn't likely to happen anytime soon. But the recent glimpses of an Internet that can be trusted, believed in and one that thrives on bettering the lives of 'real' people have brought with them a renewed feeling of hope that somehow the truth will still prevail. Let's hope so anyway.


Like they say in Business 101, people only do business with people they 'know, like and trust'. Somehow that principal seems to have gotten lost and it's floating around somewhere out there, in the Blogosphere.

Add It To The List

What is that saying again? A thought without action is just a dream? Something like that. Well, that truly seems to fit me perfectly. Lately anyway. Well, now that I think about it, for quite some time now I have had lots of trouble getting anything accomplished. While my mantra had always been, "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?", I had hoped to change that aspect of my personality. I'm sure there are others out there like myself. Oh, you know who you are. So many dreams, too much time. Paralysis by Analysis. The list goes on and on. I'm sure there is a bit of procrastinator in all of us.


Don't get me wrong, this is surely not something that I am in any way proud of but as with any flaw, be it physical, emotional or otherwise, the only way to overcome and to get beyond it, in essence to recover from it is to first admit that there is a problem. Only then can it be conquered. Once and for all.


Where to begin? I've known that I've suffered from this ailment for quite some time but for some strange reason I just assumed it would disappear on its own. Yet it hasn't. Go figure. Naturally I thought some kind of selective Mind Magic would just unprogram it from my brain and I would instantly run around getting all kinds of stuff accomplished. Yet, here we are, nearing the end of 2009 with no sign of a 'dethroning' in the near future. The King of Procrastination is alive and well. Unfortunately, he is me.

Not that I wouldn't like to give up the throne, to crown a new King. Oh, how I would enjoy that but it's not exactly as easy as one might think. Turns out there are many others equally as qualified as I am, yet they continue to procrastinate and never step up to assume this glorious position of power. Perhaps someone will in the near future but more than likely not. Only time will tell.


Time. It's one of our most, if not THE most precious resource we have. One that we can never get back. Once it's gone, it's gone forever, never to return. Strange isn't it, how we continue to waste it as if it's a renewable commodity that will never end. Unfortunately, as far as I know, that is surely not the case. We only have one life to live. This isn't a practice run, a dress rehearsal. This is it, the real deal, good or bad, for better or worse. This is the only chance we have to make it happen, to live the life we want, the life of our dreams.


Why is it then that we continue to put things off, excuse after excuse, merely to stay in our 'comfort zone'? If your comfort zone is anything like mine, in actuality when you really think about it, it pretty much sucks. Worst part is that even though I know mine sucks, it's still a place I like to hang out because for the most part I have a really good idea of what's there and I guess that's what makes it so comfy. Add to that the fact that it's chock full of all kinds of excuses and who in their right mind would ever want to leave such a fabulous place? Well, I for one. I'm sick and tired....of being sick and tired.


All of the changes that I had planned on making after 2008, which up to that point in my life had been one of the worst years on record, have definitely not even begun to materialize. Not in the slightest and while I truly believed that with all the devastation of that year, 2009 just HAD to be better but in fact it turned out to be even worse than '08. Now that's saying alot and none of it good.


So with '09 coming to a close I'm being forced to ask myself how could this have ever happened? With '08 being so miserable, how did I not learn from that? I was without a doubt going to do everything in my power to make '09 so much better. Why then didn't all my scheduled 'changes' take place? After all, they were on my List of things to do. Some of them were even labeled Top Priority! You know, The List. The list that for some reason continues to get longer rather than shorter. Check one thing off, add two, check another off, add two more in it's place.


Hmmm, I think I'm beginning to see a pattern here. No wonder any feelings of accomplishment that might possibly occur are quickly wiped away by the vast amounts of Post Its strewn about my desk and the surrounding walls. Ok, also the ones on the bathroom mirrors, refridgerator doors, car dashboards, you get the picture. Next thing you know, you're swimming in a sea of 'post its' wondering how in the hell am I ever going to tackle all this stuff? And so at that point you have no option other than to just hop on the EZ Train. Next stop, the Comfy Zone! Overwhelmed with Paralysis by Analysis and Precision Indecision, it's very easy to head for the Fountain of Excuses. That endless gold mine of built in reasons for never getting anything done.


Like it or not, this all comes right back to me, falling in my lap with a huge thud. Dang it! Not that I like to play the 'blame game' but with all my high hopes, how on earth could this be my fault? Yet it is my fault, nobody else I can lay the blame on. Even with all my great intentions, apparently I rarely seem to take action on any of my thoughts and as such they continue to remain in the dream stage. Who'd a thunk it? Me, of all people. I used to be the guy that would set a goal and follow through on it but obviously that has all changed. It's not that I give up. It's more that I guilt out.


That's it, time's up! I refuse to lose again in 2010! I have got to come up with a way to remember the misery of the last two, make that three years to insure that 2010 is not a repeat performance. How do I go about that? What is the best way to guard against continuing this downward spiral, allowing me to redirect my life in a more positive direction and moving forward on a more positive path towards achieving all of my goals?


Seems to me that the first thing I need to do....is to do the first thing. That should be simple enough, right? That appears to be where most of my troubles begin, with a failure to even take that first step. It's not so much the fear of failure as I have pretty much always been able to do anything that I set my mind to. But it's more the inability to even choose which step to take first, to make a decision on which direction to take and to stick with it long enough to know for sure if it's the path I should be taking or not. Lately I seem to bail on my choices shortly after getting started out of pure guilt, a nagging fear that I am wasting too much time, yet I have wasted so much time already by not following through on anything. Which of course only leads to more guilt. What a vicious cycle.


This has got to change and so with that, I will somehow force myself to pick a direction and see it through so that I know for certain that I've explored it's full potential. Right or wrong, at least I will come away with the satisfaction of knowing I gave it my best shot.


Of course along with that comes the fact that I will have to change my mantra. Something more along the lines of "Why put off until tomorrow, what I CAN do today?" Hmmm, I think I like that one better anyway. From here on out I will be relegating the throne to whomever may want to take over my kingdom. Needless to say, only true procrastinators need apply. I'm going to build a new Kingdom, one of my own choosing. Not one I inherited by default but one that I created, filled with all the hopes, dreams and accomplishments of which I know I'm truly capable of yet I have postponed for a lifetime.


So that also means it's time for a new List. Not merely another Post It tacked on top of the millions of others but an entirely clean slate. This time I will also force myself to check items off at relatively the same pace at which I am adding other items to it. First thing on the list? Take Action! CHECK!!!

IM vs. Texting: Which Is Worse?

Jeez, is it just me or does Instant Messenger suck just as much as Texting does? Or do they both suck equally, just different size screens? I don't know about you but the frustration level between what I'm trying to say and what is actually coming out on the screen can be brutal. Those that read my earlier post on texting pretty much have a good idea about my thoughts on texting. While it does have its place, you just can't have a relationship of any substance, let alone with zero emotion, through texting. Quick snippets here and there are fine but an actual conversation, no way.


It's beginning to appear that IM is more or less the same thing, only with a larger screen. Now, I have to admit that I am lagging rather badly in my typing skills and with that being said, I'm more than willing to admit that this negative attitude toward IM'ing could clearly be due to my lack of skills. I find myself constantly having to type as fast as possible, smoke coming off of both of my fingertips, all in an effort to keep up with a question that was asked four or five lines ago. By the time I finish semi proofreading and look up at the screen, just before I hit 'enter', my response is no where near where it should be in relation to everything that's on the screen.


So here again, do you quickly delete this response before you even send it or do you at least respond to the question that was asked many sentences ago? Oh, the angst that fills my body is excruciating. I don't want it to appear that I'm not listening or heaven forbid, not participating in this cyber conversation but the confusion just seems to mount as time goes on.


Then it's the dreaded "HUH?" Huh, what? you ask yourself. As you scroll up you see that the other person could be referring to so many things and you have no idea which one of these questions was left unanswered. Are you ignoring me now? Are you mad? Nooooooooooo, I'm not ignoring you and I'm not mad! Why would you think that? I'm typing as fast as I can!!! All the confusion begins and then it's a rollercoaster from hell, barely hangin' on the tracks by two wheels, one more tight curve and we're airborne with the ground comin' up awfully fast!


How could all this have even happened.? The conversation started off so well. I'm soooo happy to hear from you. Ohhhh, me toooo! ;))) But then how on earth did it turn in to a tennis match, and one so uneven at that. Like a game between David Letterman and Venus Williams, someone's gonna lose and I seriously doubt it's gonna be Venus.


Perhaps there needs to be a written exam before you can even download IM to your computer? Some kind of an IM License needs to be issued, at least of WPM test. Sure, it all seems like a great idea at the start. Direct connection, no waiting in between messages and best of all, no stupid 140 character limit to edit your thoughts. Yet, those are the aspects of IM that can take you down. Literally.


Here again, the discrepency between the two IMers has so much to do with how well the conversation will go. While the skill levels can never be exactly the same, the rules must be set forth in the beginning regarding the speed of the reply, the spelling errors, lack of punctuation, etc. in order to keep the doors of understanding wide open. If not, all hell is gonna break loose. It's only a matter of time.


So I for one, admittedly lacking in IM skills, will be the first to admit that I might [most likely am] be the cause of most of this confusion. As such I would ask for a bit of compassion, maybe even a little extra understanding for my plight. While I'm doing my best to get and stay caught up with the conversation, I truly am going as fast as my two fingers can type. Please take that in to consideration before you get upset and wonder why the hell I would say whatever the hell it is I said in such a way that I said whatever it was that I said. OK?




The technology of today has created so many incredible ways of communicating, all meant to enhance our lives but we all must keep in mind that some of us are further along in this learning curve than others and therefore a bit more leeway is needed in various situations. And so with that, I will give both of my fingers a break for now. That way I'm fresh and ready to go the next time I see that flashing orange box, letting me know the race is on!

I Have Been Warned...or should I say "WARNERED"?

Yes, you're right. I should have known better. And even though I didn't want to face facts, I had an idea it might happen but yet, I still had to try. If I never tried, I never would have known for sure and that feeling of not knowing, gnawing away at me wouldn't have been any less painful and so I had to give it my best shot and let the cards fall where they may.


I decided to make my own Mind Movie. Now, I'm sure most of you out there know what I'm referring to but for those that don't here's a quickie explanation. Basically a Mind Movie is a 'Vision Board' turned in to a Video, streaming along with the music of your choice. Meant to inspire you to chase after your dreams, remain focused on your goals and to pursue your passions. While a Vision Board is just a static collection of pictures meant to inspire you, a Mind Movie has much more of an impact on the mind. You are also able to add various pieces of text, here 'n' there which adds a bit of a 'subliminal messaging' kind of a feel to your movie.


All of this in hopes of helping to remind you of why you're going through all the daily stuggles, the trials and tribulations of life and enabling you to stay focused on your goals and dreams. We all can use a constant reminder to help us stay on track, a way of keeping the negativity at bay.


So I began to make a list of most of the 'things' I wanted for myself, my family and my friends. Not necessarily just things in a tangible sense, like cars, etc. but basically the way I wanted my entire life to be overall.


First step, gotta be Google to find lots of pictures to fill my Video with. Next thing you know, I have too many pictures but I can always narrow it down to the chosen few. OK, I now have a pretty good idea of which ones I'll use here. Some aren't exactly what I'd hoped for but they will do as reminders to help me stay focused and on track.


Then it's on to finding the right music to go along with my movie. Hmmm.... should I get something to pump me up, like a Rocky Theme or something along those lines? Or perhaps one of my favorite songs? One that brings back good memories, back when life was good? Not that life was ever really that good but with time comes faded memories and some of the bad stuff has a way of disappearing. Hmmm, with or without lyrics? Jeez, didn't realize that this would be the most difficult part. Finally had a pretty good idea of what I wanted. Now, how to get that song downloaded, saved and then add it to my video.


That whole process turned out to be a project in itself but again, thanks to Google and all the other wonderful people on the internet that have had to struggle with that as well, I was able to find the info needed to tackle it and so I finally had my song of choice added to my video.


Of course, it was then that I noticed the rather large discrepancy between the length of my song and the timeline of my pictures. No need to worry, I still have to add in all the text boxes, the subliminal messaging and so with those added to the mix, should help to lengthen the video overall and bring things a little more in line. I wanted the pictures to end at the exact same time as the song. I mean, what self respecting music video director/producer/editor would have it any other way?


Hadn't realized how difficult it was going to be to come up with 'stuff' to say, meaningful little messages to myself throughout the video that would inspire and motivate me. And so off to You Tube I went in search of other Mind Movies to find a bit of inspiration. I began noticing that they were all basically very similar. "Here's my Yacht, Here I am flying my plane, Here I am driving my new Lamborghini." I didn't want such a 'generic' video, one that was more or less a one size fits all. I wanted my video to be a bit more personalized, like my pictures are and so I decided to go through the pictures I had already selected and add my 'sayings' according to the different places and things in my storyline.


Wow, I'm kinda liking this. It's finally starting to take shape. So after adding all my text, my song was still longer than the length of my video. Not wanting the song to come to an abrupt ending, just when the vibes were starting to feel really good, I needed to add a few pictures in various places in order to make everything copasetic at the end. Voila, looks like everything lines up. Pictures and the audio all seem to stop in the same place. Damn I'm good! But something's still not quite right. Hmmm....


Got it! The song just goes so great with the pictures but things would flow even better if the pictures were arranged to go with certain parts of the song. I had no idea how addicting this video editing thing can be but what a difference it's making. Syncing the pictures with the high and lows of the music really adds to the feeling of the pictures, the text and the overall video. So after a bit more tweaking, I had to call it done. While there are still a couple things I'd like to change, overall I'm reasonably happy with the finished product. Especially for my first attempt at a music video. HA HA!

BRYANS MIND MOVIE



OK then, save it to my computer and I'm done. Now I have a video I can watch any time I wanna get motivated, stoked on life. Then it occured to me, might as well add it to my You Tube Channel. I haven't posted a new video there in months so no doubt I really need to anyway. This should work out great, way under the 'time limit' that You Tube specifies and giving my subscribers a little more inside info on me as a person has to be a good thing, right?


A couple of clicks and let the uploading begin. While that's going on, I'm filling in the video titile, description, tags, all that stuff and after a few minutes I get the message that everything has uploaded and I'm good to go. Woo Hoo, mission accomplished! Another video added to my Channel. Then up pops the message saying that the audio portion of my video has been disabled, muted, shut down. What? Disabled? How can that be? They say that it's a copyright issue but this song is on tons of other You Tube videos so it really makes no sense. Then they send me a link to some 'library' of random BS songs that are nowhere near the right length, let alone the same 'feeling' of my video. After spending all that time editing, making sure the song was aligned with the pictures the best way I could, just wasn't gonna happen. Wouldn't do my video justice to have some other random song on there.


Of course I took it a bit further to see how others were getting around this situation and basically, if your video is muted by WMG then you are out of luck. So after looking over the library of offerings, just in case I could find something 'close' that will allow me to post the video anyway, I see that now they have removed my video entirely. Who knows what happened, just a complete removal. I guess my video was just so damn good that they felt threatened by my editing skills as well as the use of 'their' song. I did see a couple places where people mentioned that this whole copyright thing should be worked out sometime in January but I'm not gonna hold my breath, that's for sure.


So it looks as if I'm going to have to keep my Mind Movie to myself, which is how it was originally intended anyway. Kind of a shame as I wanted to be able to see it when I went to my You Tube Channel but I don't want to risk having my entire Channel deleted, so I'm not about to press the issue.


Then it occured to me, I wonder if I can post it on my own Blog? Might as well give it a shot. Took me quite a bit of effort, getting the movie formatted so that it will play inside my post along with a 'player' that would do the same thing. And so with tons of trial and error, I seem to have conquered the issue and the movie and player are both embedded within my post. This will definitely make it much easier next time I want to include a video so even though it was a struggle, to know that I persevered and made it happen, that's huge for me. Especially since I'm so computer illiterate.


So let this be a lesson to others out there that hope to have their video on You Tube, better check with the library first. You have been warned.....

Can You Be TOO SMART?

What the heck was that? As it approached, I had no idea what it was. And since I'm such a car buff, I was personally offended that I even had to ask myself that question in the first place. Yet there it was, driving by right in front of my eyes and I seriously had to ask myself what I was seeing.


We have all noticed that as gas prices and insurance costs continue to skyrocket, as "GREEN" becomes the 'in thing' and so many changes have taken place around the globe regarding transportation in general, cars are getting smaller, safer and more fuel efficient.


While I try to stay semi up on the latest hybrids, deisels, electric powered, even hydrogen powered offerings from all over the world, somehow this still hit me as an extremely odd vehicle. The overall lines, let alone the size seemed familiar but yet as I looked closer, something just wasn't right. What on earth could this be?


I thought to myself, "Has something completely new hit the market? A car that I was totally unaware of? How did it get past my 'Bradar'?" Not that I am in any way an expert on the latest auto offerings but since I do love cars, mostly high end European sports cars and Woodies, I scower many various online sites and so I'm exposed to lots of new vehicles along the way. Yet this little machine still had me doing a double take. I take great pride in being as prepared as possible in many situations and nothing worse than being unprepeared for the latest trend, even though I'm more of a trendsetter than a follower. And even if I'm not that 'into it', I still want to be able to interact with others that are passionate about all the different niche vehicles available today.


Luckily 'it' stopped at the signal up ahead. As I did my best to decipher exactly what it was that I was viewing, that's when it struck me. I finally figured out what the heck it was under all that 'bolt on' drama. I recognized that emblem. I think most anybody, car afficianado or not, would recognize that little 'circle of heaven'. Of course, those that aren't true car lovers might think this was another 'add on', just another attempt to fool the masses but if you are up on your 'carknowledge' then you already know that the manufacturer of these vehicles is indeed Mercedes Benz.


Like everyone else on earth, the first thing you think is "How on earth could MB be involved with a car like this?" As it turns out, these little babies have passed every test needed, Safety, Mileage, etc. to allow them to be sold in this country. The US has the most stringent requirements on earth and if you can market and sell your car here, you can more or less sell it anywhere in the world. Except of course for the Communist countries, that's an entirely different animal. Who knows what the heck is going on in those countries. You can buy a brand new car there for $2000.00, how can you compete with that? I think it even comes with a 'Thirty Minute or Thirty Foot Warranty', whichever comes first, so it has that going for it. But regardless of my thoughts, if Mercedes Benz is going to build and market these cars, they deserve a bit of respect in the auto world.


So that was it, I finally figured it out. It was a Smart Four Two. I still question myself every time I see one of these as to just how smart the owners are for buying them but I have to do my best to keep an open mind about it. Who on earth would want to look in their rearview mirror and continually see the license plate of the car behind them, towering high above their head? Personally, I sure wouldn't but that's just me. And therefore I really need to work hard to keep an open mind.


Just as I need to keep an open mind as it relates to my favorite marque, Porsche, building that uglier than ugly Panamera. The Cayenne SUV was hard enough to swallow but I can easily see how it relates in its attempt to get a piece of the huge world wide SUV market. But a giant luxury four door sedan, with the worst rear three quarter view on the market today, still not feelin' it. Especially when the luxury four door 'saloon' market is flooded with all kinds of high end heaven, not too sure how big of a piece Porsche could even hope to garner. Yet I'm sure they did their research long before they ever began production so it's just a matter of time to see how all that pans out.


As I stared at this 'thing' in front of me a bit more, I realized why I had so much trouble guessing what it was. The endless amount of bolt on 'bling' had rendered it more or less unrecognizable. Perhaps this was exactly what the owner had hoped to achieve, some way to 'disguise' it and if so, well done. The original vehicle was more or less nowhere to be found. Although the basic platform was there, it seemed as if this was almost more of a trailer full of aftermarket parts as opposed to an improvement over the original factory offering. Yet there was no tow vehicle in sight. To each his own, I reckon, but one would have to wonder just exactly what the heck this guy was thinking. I truly wonder if he isn't asking himself that question as well but after spending all that money on all those 'extras', he's left with no other option than to leave everything on there 'as is' and just act as if it's his dream come true. Whether it is or not.


Tires and Wheels, Body Kit, Paint Wrap, Tinted Windows, Suspension Kit, Exhaust System, Trick Lights and these were just things that I noticed while sitting at the signal. Who knows how much other 'stuff' was inside and under the hood. I have a good feeling there was more than likely an upgraded Stereo, GPS, maybe more interior 'doo dads' and who even knows what's going on under the hood. That list alone is so overwhelming I hate to even begin adding more to it. Yet this guy (girl?) felt that too much could never be enough. What's even more amazing is the fact that all this aftermarket 'crap' is even available for these cars. I had to remember than even tough this particular car has only been available in this country for a relatively short time, it has been marketed around the world much longer. To be honest there really isn't a car built these days that doesn't have a ton of available aftermarket goodies built just for it.


Light turns green and there it goes. Wwwaaaaaaaaaa, wwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhh, wwwwwaaaaaaa...... the 'new' exhaust resonating as it bounced down the street. Yes, I said bounced. It appeared that the new lowered suspension had in some way compromised the original ride, making it appear even more like a toy than an actual car and a bad riding toy at that. To each his own, I guess. Yet I had to wonder when too much was too much. It was more than obvious that common sense was indeed sacrificed in the chase for individuality and while I am a huge advocate of those that blaze their own trail, I was still left having to ask the question, "When is enough too much?"


To all of you out there that prefer to fly your own "Freedom Flag", I commend you as that's what makes the world what it is today. Without those that choose to create their own way in this world, those 'free thinkers' that aren't afraid to do what they want in life despite what others may think and feel, we might still be riding in horsedrawn wagons and buggies, being pulled along by "Rusty" and dodging the numerous 'road apples' along the way. It's diffcult to say for sure but it is something to consider. So to all of you out there that choose to pave their own path, my hat is truly off to you. But I still have to ask that common sense be taken into consideration when searching for ways to show your individuality.


Which brings us back to my original thought, which is how do you know when too much really is too much? If you have endless time on your hands and plenty of extra money? Then who cares, I guess you can think way outside your box, whatever that box may consist of. But when you are spending more money, time and effort in an attempt to individualize and enhance your SMART(?) car to the point that you have spent so much more than it would have cost you to get a new BMW 335i Convertible and the credibility that comes along with owning a truly desirable vehicle, that's when you really have to ask yourself, "Are you TOO smart for your own good?"

I Want My MOJO Back!

Hmmm, can't figure it out. Somehow I lost my MOJO and I have no idea where it went. I have a pretty good idea how I lost it. That's relatively easy to figure out. Heck, I'm sure there are plenty of people out there that have lost theirs recently. You don't even need to watch TV, read the newspaper or go online to know that the economy is hurting these days and it has more than likely affected someone you know. Family, friends, coworkers, perhaps even you yourself have been affected in one way or another. Recession has become another household word.


Unemployment is hovering around 10% but here in So. Cal. it seems more like 25%. For the most part, 'basic' jobs are non existent. The days of walking in to your local auto parts store, grocery store, even a pizza delivery place, plunking down your paper application and at the very least landing a part time job are over and done. Nowadays you pretty much need a PHD to bag groceries. Well, at the very minimum an MBA. There are so many over qualified people out of work these days that it has created a major bottleneck at the door to HR.


Add to that the fact that if companies aren't outsourcing all their job openings, then they are eliminating the jobs all together. When I think about the hourly wage required to survive in this country, it's no wonder businesses are looking overseas for labor. Add to that the taxes, insurance, etc. and it's just off the charts. We just can't afford to hire our own. Not sure how or even if we will ever get back to 'normal', whatever normal is. Been so long since we've seen anything normal around here, if it does show up more than likely we won't even recognize it.


With the general consensus being that the entire country is pretty much in the crapper, no wonder I along with quite a few others have lost our Mojo. Now I define "MOJO" as motivation, drive, desire, pretty much any reason to get out of bed in the morning. A reason to get out there and battle another day, to struggle against all odds, continuing to hope for a better outcome. A better life. When the odds continue to be stacked against us, with no signs of clearing up anytime soon, it's tough to continue forward knowing that it will indeed get better. Difficult to even find a reason to keep trying let alone stay focused on it.


Then I got to thinking about the world and the economy in general. After all I'm sure most would agree that the entire world economy has been affected, not just in the US. With the media continuing to create this feeling that the sky is indeed falling, on everyone, it's no wonder this 'viewpoint' is so wide spread. And being a Realtor, watching the housing market drop off the cliff and into the ocean, a big chunk of the world as I knew it has left the building and more than likely won't return anytime soon.


But let's take a look at this from the other side. So Real Estate, New Constuction, both Residential and Commercial Real Estate in general have gone south right along with the Stock Market. Everybodys 401Ks are worthless, most peoples Portfolios have lost at least half of their previous 'perceived' value. I stress the word perceived here because just as in Real Estate, it's only money once you sell the home or cash in the stock. Until that point it's all play money. So in essence you never really had the money anyway. You were just banking on the rest of the world order following suit which would cause your 'paper' to go up in value. Well, as we all know that didn't happen.


So lets take an overall view of this situation. Even if Real Estate, the Stock Market, Auto Makers and basic Unemployment were all taken into account along with the general slowdown of the economy itself, that still leaves plenty of people out there working. Continuing to bring home a paycheck, paying bills and buying goods and services. The whole world hasn't gone under, just a very large portion of it but it seems much larger than that as the media continues to focus on the bad news, as they always do because as we know all too well, bad news sells better than good news. And if you tell people that things are bad enough times, they will begin to believe it and they will also tell the people around them so that they have someone to commiserate with, someone to feel their pain. Next thing you know, the world is waiting in a big line at the edge of the cliff, ready to jump off.


But hold on here. Just because a very large portion of our population is hurting doesn't mean they all are. I was reminded of this over the last few days as a friend of mine has been going through lots of struggles lately. He's in the constuction trade, a very hard hit segment of our economy. Work for him has been pretty much non existent over the last couple years. When he does find work, he's working for half of what he used to make and begging to get those jobs at that. Competition is very fierce as so many big companies are drastically cutting their labor rates, making it difficult to say the least for the 'little guys' to survive.


Which brings me around to my point. His father bought an old '32 Ford Coupe sometime to prior to my buddy being born. He had hopes of restoring it someday but like many before him, life and his family had to come first and so the project was put on hold.


The car sat covered up in the back yard, just a dream that never came to fruition. His father passed away I believe approx. eight or nine years ago and his mother passed a couple years after that. My buddy 'G' had loved that car since he was a kid and after his mother passed, he was the most likely of the family to ever get it running and so after jumping over a series of family hurdles, it became his. Not having the resources to do it justice, it remained in pieces yet all the while the dream was still there to resurrect it as his father had always hoped to. Imagine the sorrow he recently felt when he finally had to give in and realize that after 50 years, he was going to have to let go of the family dream and sell it. The guilt was overwhelming but money problems and his own dire situation have forced him to have to face a harsh reality, one where survival meant having to let go of a family 'jewel'.


Long story short, the 'new' owner came by with the money last monday, the car and all its parts were loaded up and off they went. Lots of tears were shed as reality sunk in that the dream of restoring it was never going to come true.


He held on as long as he could but yet he couldn't fight the inevitable. All he could hope was that the new owner would do the car justice, restore it the way both 'G' and his father had hoped to. And I have to admit that I truly felt bad for him. I have been involved with antique and classic cars from as far back as I can remember. My father was also a car buff and so I couldn't help but feel his pain as the life long dream of the family was on its way down the street, hopefully to fulfill the dreams of another family elsewhere.


That's when it really triggered me, forced me to realize the guy that just bought this car had just plunked down $20,000.00 without really thinking much about it, with plans of putting another $50K in it! Yes, he plans on having a minimum of $70K in the car. That's alot of mortgage payments, monthly bills and pork 'n' beans. Obviously he's not hurting for money. Come to find out there was another interested buyer in Washington that was ready and willing to purchase the car also, if the 'family friend' decided to back out of the deal. More proof that not everyone in the US is broke.


We continually hear so much about the demise of the economy, how the recession has a grip on the whole country so that the thought of another person having any money just seems purely absurd. And yet, here are two gentlemen that have obscene amounts of money, money that they have no problem spending on 'toys' or whatever else they decide they want. And so it got me to thinking, "I wanna be like them!" I want to be in a position to be able to do what I want, when I want and not have to be able to worry about not having a dollar to do it. Now, I myself have never stopped thinking about money since over the last couple years I have more or less lost everything but more recently what I had lost was the desire to fight, to go out and get mine! Sure, that's a lofty dream and I realize that everyone more or less has that same dream but I also know that many of us have gotten so wrapped up in the demise of the world that we have lost all hope, any sort of faith that there truly is a way out of this mess. A way of living a much better life, for our families and for ourselves.


So with this little scenario playing out more or less right in front of me, it surely opened my eyes to the fact that there is still hope out there. I'm a firm believer in the ol' saying, "If one man can do it, so can another" and so I am going to do my best to stay focused on that, to keep my eyes on the prize because one thing's for sure, I'm in it to win it and if I don't keep trying, I'll never get there. I have a feeling that more than likely I'm gonna find my Mojo again as well. Matter of fact, I'll bet it's right around the corner.

On The Other Side

Wow, I am all over the place these days. I have so many thoughts running through my brain, 24/7, that I can't seem to get a grip anymore. So many things pulling me in different directions that I'm just spinning in circles like a top. Well, more like a 'Whirling Dervish'. In real life, I think dervishes are Egyptian dancers but I remember the cartoon version, pretty much a monster spinning out of control, only stopping long enough to get it's bearings and then it's back to spinning its brains out. I don't think it's necessarily a 'bad' thing but it wasn't exactly pretty! More or less just a mess of energy spinning out of control, which is exactly how I feel these days.


At the end of each day I attempt to take a semi inventory of all the things that I accomplished on my 'To Do' list, hopefully checking a couple things off. Even if it's just one thing off the list, at least that's one less thing to tackle the next day. Unfortunately I think I'm beginning to see a pattern here. For some strange reason my list continues to get longer, not shorter. Hmmm, what's wrong with this picture? Isn't the list supposed to get shorter as I tackle each item? Apparently not as it appears that I while I am checking one thing off, I'm adding two in its place. Next thing you know, instead of throwing my freshly checked off list in the trash, I have a new list with even more items sitting right on top of the old one. Talk about overwhelmed, you have no idea. I can't even begin to explain how much 'junk' I have running through my head these days.


My life is in such turmoil, so many decisions I need to make but yet I'm wrapped up in 'paralysis by analysis' and so I continue to bury myself deeper and deeper in this man made hole that I have created for myself. Yes, I realize it's my own doing and yet I seem to be unable to think clearly enough to climb my way out of it. How is that possible? Not that I haven't always had lots of stuff on my mind, continually creating new ways to attempt to move forward in my life, searching for new trails to blaze, finding new avenues in which to travel down 'lifes path' yet I was seemingly able to put my feet on the ground once in awhile and at least tackle one or two things here and there. Now it seems as if I am continually sliding backwards, climbing a frozen waterfall with flip flops on, never quite getting enough traction to move ahead but hanging on by squeezing my toes together as hard as I can and digging my toe nails into the ice for every bit of traction I can find. Jeez, I'm worn out just thinking about it. No wonder I feel so constantly overwhelmed, I'm in 'emotion overload mode' and that's not good for productivity. Just not a good way to live life in general.


How am I ever gonna get back to a normal pace? One where I can look at each 'obstacle' objectively, 'taking action' rather than 'reacting to' each situation as it occurs. While I do my best not to think about what 'could' happen, what 'might' go wrong, it's not always as easy as it seems. Sure, there are always bumps in the road but to plan on them doesn't do a bit of good. I know that as well as anybody but yet I still tend do it. Maybe it's because I continue to get daily reminders of how much my life currently sucks. I firmly believe that living in the present is very important to our outlook on life and the choices we make for our future. The past is the past and there is nothing we can do about it. That's all fine and dandy. But I have so much trouble believing that the worst is over and that there are going to be better days ahead. I know better than to say it just can't get any worse because as we all know, instantly something else will happen and sure enough, things just got worse. I guess that's why I have so much trouble believeing that I have truly hit rock bottom. That it's ok to finally look toward a brighter future. It's because I know damn well that there is more crap to come, more things that are gonna do their very best to knock me down and keep me there.


As I look back on the last three or four years, I've had tons of stuff thrown my way that at the time I had no idea how I was gonna survive them, let alone move forward. Heck, most of the time I didn't wanna make it through as I knew darn well there was more crap waiting right around the corner. And yet, somehow here I am. Couldn't begin to tell you how I got through each dilemma but yet I did, well enough to face the next nightmare. Not sure if that's good or bad, it just is. And I also realize that everybody goes through crap in there lives, devastating situations that surely tear at their heart and make them question themselves, their thoughts, their beliefs and yet they go forward as well. So I guess that's what I'm gonna have to do. I'm going to have to continue trudging down this long and winding road to who knows where, to who knows what, for reasons unknown. I'm not a quitter, just too stupid I guess or maybe I'm just so afraid of failing that I can't give up. Not sure I could really live with myself if I did give up so in essence, that's not an option. Perhaps I'm just a glutton for punishment, some sort of sadist and I have this secret passion for pain. No, I don't think that's it. I truly do want to be happy and that's what keeps me moving forward with the hopes that someday things will get better. That I will find a woman that loves me, a career I'm passionate about and truly live the life of my dreams. Yet with every disappointment, every let down it becomes increasingly more and more difficult to remain focused on a better future.


I guess that's where the past can play a big part in our future. Knowing that we have tackled the same crap already, that unsurmountable mountain of stuff that at one point was a 'no way am I gonna make it through' and now here we are on the other side of that hill from hell, looking at a new nightmare. A new 'disaster' that we have to find some way, at all cost to make it through. They say that every problem is just another opportunity to learn something new, about ourselves and what we're made of and that these so called opportunities will only continue to make us stronger. Well, to be honest, I'm getting kinda tired of all this learning and I'm pretty much ready to just ditch class from here on out. Haven't I learned enough 'lessons' to last me for the rest of my life? Aren't I strong enough by now? The way it's looking, apparently not.


So it's off to the 'mental gym' I go, learning to face new hurdles in my life, climb new mountains from hell, all in the hopes that the life of my dreams is waiting for me, on the other side.

Attitude IS Everything!

Today was one of those days that I just couldn't seem to get motivated, focused on anything, couldn't seem to move forward. I'm sure you've had them before, I would have to think we all have at one point or another. So many things on my 'To Do' list and none of them were anything I wanted to do so that made things seem even less productive.


First off, I needed to take care of some overdue bills and anyone that is remotely familiar with my situation these days will know that that's easier said than done. The collapse of the Real Estate Market has more or less wiped me out, to say the least. And finding a 'regular' job of any sort has been equally as difficult. Not that I've completely given up on finding one but it has caused me to look in other directions for a source of income. Combine all that with my currently very shaky living 'situation' and it all adds up to many sleepless nights. In fact, I saw a friend of mine yesterday that commented on how tired I looked. Normally this would kinda bug me but I couldn't argue with her, I can't remember the last time I slept more than four hours straight and it's been years really since I had a good nights sleep. But lately it's just been really out of control. Just so much on my mind that my head just won't stop thinking about anything and everything, all night long.


So after looking at the numerous emails sitting in my Inbox, I chose to tackle a few other things instead. Let's see if we can take care of a few of these other bills. Postpone this, payment plan on that, ignore these, put this one, no these three on hold 'till next week and so on and so forth. Down the list we go. Let's make a few calls here and see what I can do about a few others that have been haunting me. "Hmmm, what's goin' on here? Is something wrong with my Cell phone?" No dial tone. Turns out it's been shut off for lack of payment. Can they do that? I guess they can, because they did. Sweet, add the $36 reactivation fee on top of it and looks like a great way to start the day. NOT!


Ok, so got my phone back in action but of course that meant another bill had to go on the 'postpone 'till next week' list. Hmmm, who can I put off 'till later that I haven't already put off until now which is actually later considering it was originally overdue such a long time ago? Jeez, no wonder my head is swimming. How am I ever gonna catch up? I'm so far behind now, it's not lookin' good. But I'm not a quitter and so I just have to keep going forward, one stupid bill at a time until somehow they are all paid off. Eventually I'll catch up, just gotta continue to believe.


And that's when I got to thinkin'. Thinking about a quote that I used to have posted on the wall above my computer, next to my Vision Board. Yes, I keep a Vision Board because it helps me to stay focused on my goals, what I plan on achieving in my life. Hmmm, now where'd it go, what could have happened to it? Since I lost my Condo a few months ago, I've kinda lost track of alot of 'things' as I wasn't given much notice and so I was forced in to a rather hasty move. Then it occured to me that at some point I had saved it in a folder on my computer. But where? A little bit of searching and voila, there it was.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a Church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are all in charge of our Attitudes."

I don't have any idea who to credit with writing it, somebody famous I assume but as I read it [for the 1000th time] I slowly began to remember why I liked it so much. I instantly began to feel rejuvinated, refocused. Moving away from the 'bad stuff' of the day and heading off in another direction. More of a positive direction, a feeling of new hope, that perhaps it's ok to look forward to a brighter future. There will always be bills, bumps in the road, that's just a part of life and that will never end. But maybe I will have a way of tackling them a bit easier, all while I'm living a life I enjoy, a life I'm passionate about. The life of MY dreams.


I mean, who's to say I can't? While others can and will try to keep us down, hold us back from living our lives as we see fit, it's up to us to truly be happy or not. Only we can hold ourselves back from our burning desires. No one else knows what we want out of life and so it's up to each one of us to get out there, follow our dreams and to travel the life path of our choosing. Like they say, this is no dress rehearsal, no practice session. This is our one and only chance to truly do everything we ever wanted and to live our lives without regrets.


So, like Tim McGraw was singing this morning on the Today Show, "Live like you were dying" and to be honest, I couldn't agree more. Attitude is everything.

TEXTING SUCKS!

What ever happened to having an actual face to face conversation? Remember, the kind of thing where you can actually hear the other persons voice? Whether on the phone or in person, a true interaction between two or more people, where thoughts and ideas can be exchanged. Where emotions can be put forth, both good and bad, which could actually lead to a further understanding of each persons thoughts and feelings.


Texting isn't even a decent excuse for a conversation. Not by a long shot. Five or six words back and forth and to make matters even worse, most of those are 'half words', 'textonics', just a bunch of stupid abbreviations that add up to a complete desecration of the english language. Come to think of it, a massacre of ANY language.



All of this supposedly in the interest of saving time? Well, if you're anywhere near as 'textually challenged' as myself, it takes five times as long to attempt to spell your thoughts out in a text than it ever would have taken to just come right out and say it. And without any 'emotion' to go along with your words, it's just a guessing game as to what the 'sender' was even attempting to say. Not to mention the fact that by the time I'm ready to send my reply, three more texts have come through and so the response that took me ten minutes to get typed and ready to send is no longer even relevant. If I hit send at this point, the usual response is 'WTF?'. Even worse is when a call comes in at the same time and then you're totally screwed! Complete loss of all contact, screen 'flips over' to something else entirely and then you have to start all over.



Of course, all this leads to a full on battle. "Oh no, that's not at all what I meant. Scroll back up about five or six lines and you'll see that this is the answer to THAT question." All that BS that gets completely out of control, out of nowhere. It's no friggin' wonder the divorce rate is so high in this country. Nobody can understand what the heck anybody is trying to say and with all the misunderstandings and the hurt feelings along the way, it's easier just to get a divorce than it would be to go through any more texting 'crap'.



Instead of 'tennis elbow', we will start to see all of our hospital emergency rooms filled with people suffering from 'texting thumbs', our insurance rates will skyrocket, taxes will be raised to cover all of the people out of work on disability and we will be living in a society where no one even speaks to one another. Now, some might think this would be a 'dream come true', but not me. I myself miss the 'good ol' days' of sitting down and actually having a face to face conversation, especially with a beautiful woman.



Call me 'old fashioned' and 'out of touch', that's fine but until I can actually 'feel' a hug and a kiss thru my iPhone or 'see' the look in a womans eyes on my QWERTY keyboard when she says "I Love You", I'll take a 'real' conversation any time!

I'm Back In The Game!

Well, I became a bit more enlightened over the weekend. Somewhat of an 'epiphany' if you will. I came to the realization that I have been doing exactly what I continually suggest that others guard against at any cost. Rather than live my life to the fullest, enjoying every moment as if it could be my last I have been living in a 'cave', living in fear of being hurt again. Even though I know darn well that's no way to live, I find that I am doing exactly that and for far too long.



Somehow I have let the fear of another broken heart stop me from taking chances and experiencing all that life has to offer. Life is so short and none of us are guaranteed to see another sunrise, another 'tomorrow', yet here I am wasting my life away being afraid to feel pain again. Like they say, without the bad how would we know when life is good? This 'fear' has caused me to lose sight of my goals, my dreams, my desires only to live my life in a 'box' where no woman could hurt me again. Now, those of you that have also lived in this 'cave' know as well as I do that it's not exactly 'pain free'. It's down right miserable in there. Matter of fact it just plain sucks and it's full of loneliness and despair, even kinda hard to breathe. When you have your heart broken as often as I have over the past few years, it causes you to not want to take any more chances of that ever happening again. Yet, if you don't take chances, you will never have a heart filled with happiness and joy. So in essence, you will still be miserable.


I have never considered myself a 'quitter' in any sense of the word. In fact, over the last few years I have come to realize that I have tons of willpower. I mean, who'd a thunk it? I have also been known to take things to the extreme, 150% overboard, to the max and beyond. Therefore, "How could this have happened to me, the 'King of Extreme'?" How did this fear of rejection, betrayal and letdown get it's ugly grip on me? I can usually 'mingle' with the best of 'em and I'm rarely intimidated by beautiful women, yet I have found myself so afraid of the pain that I have been almost paralyzed with fear. I'm not exactly sure how it got ahold of me but I can tell you that it did. I recently had my heart broken and believe me, the pain and heartache are still very severe but yet the thought of never finding true love seems to be just as painful and so no more living in a 'cave', that's it for me! I gotta get back in action, living every day as if it could be my last. NO REGRETS!!! Like I always say, "the only regrets you'll ever have are the risks you didn't take." That's my mantra and somehow I have lost track of that.



Sure, I could get my heart broken another hundred times or so but I'll have to take that risk if I ever hope to find my true love, the love of my life, my one and only life partner. Which of course is what most of us want. With all my heart I want a special woman, not 'perfect', just 'perfect for me'. A woman to spend the rest of my life with and if I don't get out there and try, I'll never find her. I know she's not gonna come knockin' on the entrance to my 'cave', that's for sure. Besides, she has such beautiful hands and if she tried knocking on the door to my cave, she just might break a nail and I don't want that to happen. Manicures ain't cheap these days and I'm sure she just had her nails done, that's the kind of woman she is.


Yes, there are those that say just as soon as you stop looking, love will appear. When and where you least expect it. They say that I'm trying 'too hard'. Well, I've tried both ways, searching and not searching. Neither have brought me much luck but both are just about equally as painful. So in essence, what have I got to lose? Sometimes you just have to take big chances if you want big rewards. It's definitely scary, all those 'crazy' women out there ready to step all over my heart but it's the risk I gotta take. So it's back to putting my heart out on the 'chopping block', risking lots of pain for a lifetime of pleasure. Step aside all you goofballs and wannabes, all you guys that pose as 'real' men. Looks like I'm Back In The Game! Wish me luck... I'm probably gonna need it.