Life Is Short, Don't Put It Off!

Next Wednesday would have been Grandmas Birthday, she would have been 93. Can you imagine that, 93? Unfortunately we lost her back on February 19th of this year. But in her 92 years on this wonderful planet just imagine all the great 'things' she was able to see. All of the amazing inventions that have come along since she was a small child growing up in the Bay area. Planes, Automobiles, Movies, Television, Computers, the list is endless.

Born and raised in Oakland, she spent alot of her childhood in San Fransisco. She always talked about the Cable Cars, Cannery Row, Fishermans Wharf , all exciting 'things' to a child growing up around the time of the Great Depression. When she married my Grandfather, he was a Semi Pro Baseball player and always on the road traveling from game to game, which I'm sure took it's toll on their marriage. Even after my father, their only child, was born it still wasn't enough to keep my Grandfather from the life he loved and by 1958 they were divorced. That same year she met another man whos company she enjoyed. A few years her senior, they fell in love and were married in 1959. I was born in 1960 and so 'they' were my Grandparents [I never could figure out why I had an 'extra' Grandfather] and were to become such a big part of my childhood, my entire life for that matter. Not the least of which were the numerous trips to Disneyland and all the 'E Ticket' rides. All I have to do is close my eyes and I'm there again.


As my sister and I got older, we spent many weekends with Grandma & Grandpa. We didn't know it at the time but I think it was mostly to give our parents a 'break' from the stress of raising two kids. All we knew is that our Grandparents always spoiled the heck out of us and we liked it! My parents were married @ 18 and I'm still amazed they kept it going for 14 years. My Dad worked three jobs and my sister and I were my Moms 'full time' job, along with all the domestic chores. I think that all the Thanksgivings and Christmas' at Grandmas were a blessing for all, especially us kids.

In 1985 my Grandpa passed away unexpectedly during a 'routine' surgery, leaving my Grandma alone without warning. She was a very strong and independent woman, we knew she would be ok. She spent many years as the Head of the FUR Departments at The Broadway and Bullocks, both well known Dept Stores in her day, her territory being all of Southern California . No doubt she was a survivor. Through her two knee replacements, Breast Cancer 'scares' and all the ups and downs of life, she chose not to remarry. Instead she seemed content to spend her time with her friends and her pets.


We all had busy lives of our own and by this time my parents had divorced and gone their separate ways. My sister had her life and I was busy living a full life in San Diego . Through the years the Holiday 'trips' to Grandmas became less frequent and were seemingly replaced by phone calls and greeting cards. "I love you and I'll see you soon" seemed to be the recurring theme in all my communications with her. After all, it's a short drive from San Diego to Hemet, I can go next month. It's not like I have to fly to Florida or anything. But the more I wanted to go visit her, it seems the more excuses I made to put it off until 'later'. And as we all know, later never comes. Every time her and I would talk on the phone, she'd reassure me that everything was fine, she was ok but "come and visit when you can." "I will, I will," I promised.

While at work one day in 2004, I decided to call her on my lunch break, just to say "Hi". After we spoke for a few minutes, she said "I have someone here that wants to speak to you." My first thought was who on earth could it be, my sister and I are her only family. "Hello, this is 'Shirley So and So' from the County of Riverside . We are here to take your Grandmother to a State Facility, she can no longer take care of herself. We are going to sell her home and take all of her assets to pay for her full time care." All I could say was "What are you talking about?" I left work immediately and drove to Hemet. All throughout the 2 1/2 hour drive I ran all the different 'scenarios' through my head as to how all of this all could have happened and what was I going to be able to do about it.

As it turned out, apparently her 'friends' next door had placed a few calls to the County and they sent a 'friend' [spy] to visit weekly and report back with her 'findings'. They determined that my Grandma could no longer take care of herself and needed to be in a 'Full Time' Care Facility. I came to find out later that this entire situation came about because the neighbor wanted to buy my Grandmas Mobile Home for a family member of theirs to live in and my Grandmother refused to sell so they thought if she was 'gone', they could buy her home. Long story short, I found an Assisted Living facility for her, sold her home to someone else so the County wasn't able to 'take everything' and neither was her neighbor.

At that time, she was diagnosed with the beginning stages of Dementia and over the last 4+ years it became progressively worse, robbing her of her memory and eventually her ability to communicate. Up until about 2 years ago, she would recognize me every time I visited her but since that time it had gotten much worse. So bad in fact that she could no longer communicate. You could see in her eyes that she had so much she wanted to say but she couldn't get the words out. After an hour of talking with her and showing her old family photos, you definitely got the feeling that perhaps it was 'triggering' memories of some kind inside her and as she smiled and laughed a bit, she still couldn't express what was on her mind. Perhaps it was more my wanting so badly to have her recognize me and just praying that maybe this time it would happen but of course it never did.

I had to come to the realization that she just didn't know me anymore. No matter how much it broke my heart, she wouldn't ever recognize me or have a conversation with me again. For all intents and purposes, my Grandmother was gone. Oh, she was relatively strong for her age and the skin on her face still showed all the years of pride in her appearance but yet, she was gone. I had lost my Grandmother. As I sat there with her, I continued to talk to her knowing full well that she had no idea who I was or what I was saying. No matter what I did, I couldn't bring her back and I just had to face that fact.

All this brings me to the reason for writing this 'novel'. Life is so short and our families are such precious parts of who we are today. Take a little time, tell them you love them, say everything you ever wanted to say to them no matter how 'trivial' it may seem. Even if you 'think' they already know how you feel, reassure them anyway. The next time you make an excuse and say "Sorry, I'm just too busy right now but we'll get to see each other real soon", immediately stop what you're doing and change your plans. You can always mow the lawn or watch the game next weekend. This weekend, go and visit your family. I promise you it will be a million times more rewarding and the memories will be with you much longer than which Team won the game or how many times you emptied the mower bag.

So as I sit here typing this, on the 'eve' of what would have been her 93rd Birthday, I can't help but think about all of the times that I should have gone to visit her. All the times that I should have put 'my life' on hold and went to share her life with her. I truly am the one that lost out here. She was such a wonderful woman, such a big part of my life and my childhood growing up, I only wish I would have told her more often. So again, life is so short and if I can help just one person to not have to live with the regret that I feel, make that trip. Or at the very least, make that phone call. You just never know when the last time will be that you will get the chance to see them or to tell them you love them.



"Happy Birthday Grandma, I Love You and I will never forget you."