It was good while it lasted. Oh, the times we had together, just you and me. Conversing endlessly without uttering a word, refusing to let anyone or anything else to distract us from each other. Caught up in all the hopes and dreams of a wonderfully magic future together, the unknown being layed out before us along the Golden Highway Of Information.Yes, it was exquisite to say the least. Better than either of us ever imagined it would, let alone could be. Knowing full well that no one else on earth could even begin to come close to sharing what we shared. What is it they say, "Two hearts beating as one?" That pretty much sums up our relationship in a nutshell. We were inseparable, never feeling lonelier that when we were apart.
Even though we were never more than a mouse click away from each other, sometimes it felt like we were millions of 'emiles' apart. On those rare occasions that I would wake up, run to my computer, only to Log On and find that you hadn't left me a message, I'm not ashamed to admit now that my heart would drop to my stomach.
Was it something I said? Maybe something I didn't say? There MUST be some kinda misunderstanding here. Then the turmoil of the unknown would begin to take over, along with all of its second guessing and the 'wish I could take it backs'.
Like a lonely Text sent off into Cyberspace, not knowing if it reached it's destination or not. If it didn't get there, should you send it again? Ohhhh, at the risk of looking like a CyberStalker there's just no way you can risk hitting 'send' again, can you? No way! All you can do it sit there, with your hands tucked under your legs, trying your best to slow down your imagination and not touch the keyboard. Jeez, I can feel an ulcer brewing already!
And if your Text did arrive at its intended destination, then why no response yet? Too busy, a blow off, mad, all those questions and more begin to spin throughout your head until you're so dizzy you wish you could throw up and get it over with, just so you'd feel better. Jeez, no wonder I hate texting so much.
But that was the feeling I got when I didn't hear from you. How did I become so attached, so completely vulnerable? That is something I truly can't answer. Yet it's painfully obvious that I was completely under your spell.
Although we started out as mere acquaintances, two strangers passing in the night so to speak, somehow our 'relationship' blossomed into something so indescribably wonderful that I'm sure very few others could claim anything near as grand as what we shared.
Yet, like almost all good things, this too must come to an end. I feel I'm no longer in charge of my life, let alone my inner being. My soul. All hopes of regaining order are far outweighed by the magnitude of my feelings. My wants, my needs have taken over and all my priorities seem to have been left by the wayside.
As I continue to struggle with this situation, doing everything in my power to hang on to my last shred of dignity, not wanting to succumb to the painful reality that I am well aware of and know all too well is waiting for me just ahead, I begin to realize that I'm steadfastly running out of strength.
Strength to fight this 'Demon', this Monster that I created myself. Yes, me and me alone. I have no one else to blame for this terrible situation but myself. After all, I started it and knowing that, I feel it's up to me to end it.
And while I knew damn well it had to happen sometime, I truly did my best to put it off as long as possible. Oh, some might say that I buried my head in the sand, not wanting to face reality and in all honesty, I'd have trouble posing a good argument against their accusations. But if they knew the bond I felt, that special 'something' that only we shared, perhaps they would be a bit less harsh. Just a little more understanding.
Knowing full well the writing has been 'on the wall' for quite some time now doesn't make what I'm about to say an easier for me. I'm sure you know that. And even if you don't want to, I'm sure if you look inside, deep down inside your heart, you'll know it's for the best. The best for both of us.
And so with that, I'm left with no other choice. Please believe me, I've thought about this for a very long time. I've struggled with this for so long now, yet I've been unable to come up with a reason strong enough, legitimate enough to avoid the heartbreak that I know we are both about to endure. But break your heart I must.
Therefore, knowing I have done everything to the best of my ability to avoid the unavoidable, at this point I'm left with no other option. All I can do now....is UNSUBSCRIBE!
Yes, I'm afraid that's what it's come down to. While I look so forward to your daily, sometimes two and three times a day correspondence I feel as if I have no other option. For some time now I have let your 'e~notes' consume my entire existence, ceasing to live my own life, on my own terms.
Not that I didn't look forward to receiving each and every message that you sent. No, don't think that. You know I did. Every time I opened my Inbox, I felt like I was an Astronaut at Cape Canaveral, anxiously awaiting another Launch. The anxiety I felt over every 'countdown' just can't be described.
That tumultous feeling, wondering whether or not your Server was gonna crash [no, not again!] just after 'take off' was sometimes just too much to bear. Even though it crashed about 99% of the time, there was still the small chance that it wouldn't, which left the door of surprise slightly ajar.
Oh, and the way you created all the angst with all of your 'time sensitive' nuggets, keeping me at the edge of my keyboard seemingly every minute of the day and night was pure genius. Get In Now, Closing The Doors In Two Hours, Only 6 More Fast Action Bonuses Available, Secrets That Only The Biggest Gurus Know, all the clever copywriting kept me glued to my monitor for sure.
I mean, I'm a complete sucker for fre*e knowledge and somehow you knew that about me. Perhaps you Googled me, I'm not sure but no doubt you did your research. Not just Keyword research but some real diggin', more than you'd ever get from my email address.
Which reminds me. Those clever 'In Boxes' of yours sure were mesmerizing to say the least. Flashing this, blinking that, scrolling left and right with arrows jiggling all over the place. It was like dangling a carrot in front of a horse, no way to resist.
And once I was 'inside', searching for a way to download my f*ree Ebook, that's when you knew you had me. "You'll never have this opportunity again, once this page is gone, it's gone forever, once in a lifetime a program like this comes along, don't miss it, BONUS, BONUS, BONUS!!!" Yes, I'll admit I did get sucked in a few times but I'd like to think I learned a few things along the way. At least I hope so anyway.
I'm always on a quest for knowledge and so I don't look at this as a wasted journey by any means. After all, I have learned quite a bit from all my research, not to mention tons of trial and error. More error than I probably would have liked to have had but I guess that's all part of the process.
That's not to say that I know anything at all about the Internet, Computers, Webinars, HTML, SEO, Backlinks, Trackbacks, Social Media, Affiliate Marketing, Clickbank, Google Ad Words, Selling Info Products Online or anything else but I'm sure I know more now than I did a year ago.
But my quest for online knowledge has really only just begun. And while I feel as if I'm abandoning 'you', in essence I'm not. I'm merely going to make an effort to restructure my online search in an effort to become a bit more laser focused on my goals rather than to attempt taking in all of the f*ree knowledge available.
I continually had the feeling that if I was to 'Opt Out', the very next day I would be missing out on that one special 'nugget', that special something that would lead me to the fast track, straight to the end of the rainbow.
Only problem is, I've already got a hard drive full of Ebooks and PDF's that I know would add tons to my online schooling but as of yet, I haven't even read them. Like they say, "So much knowledge, so little time" or something like that.
And so, it is with a heavy heart that I must do my best to let go. I'm sure you know how hard this is for me and I hope you'll understand. It's just that I need my life back. Well, what little there is left of it. I'm afraid that if I don't break these ties at some point, I may never have a life again.
My thirst for knowledge is stronger than the both of us and that is the one thing I can always depend on but if I don't focus in a bit better, find some semblance of direction for my online endeavors, I honestly feel that I will continue to spin my wheels, digging myself deeper into a hole. A hole from which I may never escape.
Therefore, I must bid most [not quite all] of you farewell. I can't begin to thank you enough for all of your Fr*ee knowledge, help and advice. Please don't take any of this personally. I assure you it's nothing personal, it's just business.
And as I mentioned earlier, it's you, not me. I mean it's me, not you. Ah, the hell with it. It's BOTH of us!
No comments:
Post a Comment