Maybe My iPhone Just Ain't That Smart?

I'm not exactly sure what's goin' on here. I mean, aren't these iPhones supposed to have a mind of their own, to be the best thing since sliced bread? Jeez, I can't even believe I just said that. Sounds like something my Dads Dad would have said. But you get the point.

When I got my iPhone, I was under the impression that they were the most incredible invention ever. They could do just about everything you ever wanted [with the correct Application downloaded, of course] except wash dishes or do laundry.

Seemed as if everywhere you turned, somebody was touting all of the wonderful 'things' that could be accomplished and all of them in the blink of an eye. Clever marketing? I'd hate to think I fell for that stuff but it's a distinct possibility. Typically I'm smarter than that but maybe they slipped one in under the radar on me.

Don't get me wrong here. For the most part, I love my iPhone. From the sleek styling to the ultra smooth Touch Screen, this baby has winner written all over it. And I'm by no means a Tech Geek but it would be hard not to want one of these phones, based on looks alone.


In fact, if the Porsche Design Group ever ends up building a Concept Phone, I would think there's a pretty good chance it's gonna look very similar to Apples Smooth Talker.

Speaking of Techie, I won't even begin to claim that I have 1/1000th of an idea of all the things this baby will do. I've never even been to the "App Store", don't know the address or the phone number. I'm not sure if they have one at the Mall or not but I have enough trouble workin' the buttons it came with, why the hell would I want to add more gizmos?


I previously had a Nokia that worked really well. Bluetooth capable, nice and compact, never a dropped call, in essence the perfect phone. Then why on earth did I get rid of it you might be asking? Wasn't cool enough? Behind the times? Nope, none of those.

I never got my iPhone to keep up with the Jones'. I'm not one to care about that sort of thing, which might sound a bit strange at this point because the main reason I bought it was because it was compatible with the 'Hands Free' Bluetooth System in the car I had at the time.



My BMW had warnings everywhere, saying that 'pairing up' an unauthorized cell phone to their system could possibly damage the entire electrical system in the car, causing major damage. And knowing that everything in that car was computer controlled, I couldn't take a chance on hurting my baby. And so I got the iPhone, which was ok'd on their list, in white of course. Hey, I AM color conscious.


As I sunk down in that sweet leather, watchin' the Nav screen with all of the codes poppin' up, enter this, press that, I just knew I was gonna be in cell phone heaven. And I wasn't dissapointed, not in the least. That phone never worked better than when it was hooked up to the BMW. It was like drivin' around in a giant antennae, reception central.

It was even voice activated. All I had to do was say "Call so and so" and the next thing you know, I could hear a phone ringing somewhere off in space. It wasn't actually in space, it was coming from my stereo speakers but it did seem like space. Just a touch of a button on the steering wheel and instant disconnect. I must say, it had to be one of the sweetest inventions ever.

I'm not a huge fan of those Star Trek earpieces and I'm semi ok with the headphones but this eliminated the entire nightmare. No worries about Cops giving me tickets, always able to keep both my hands on the wheel. It was a dream come true.


But unfortunately, I no longer have my Dream Car and I'm beginning to wonder if my iPhone knows that as well. They were a pair, those two, they went everywhere together. They were inseparable and I wonder if my phone is really starting to miss her partner. Like they say, one is such a lonely number and I think it's taking a toll on my 'iBaby'.

These tantrums seem to come much more often these days and no doubt with much more severity. I'll be carrying on a conversation, not really moving at all and next thing you know, I'm talkin' to air. Yep, another dropped call.

A quick redial leads me to ask "Are you driving?" To which whomever it is that I was speaking with responds "Nope, didn't move an inch." Hmmmm, wonder what happened?


"I've got five bars [thanks to my latest update. Only used to get three bars], it can't be from my side." "Me too, I've got five bars, it's gotta be your phone!"

"OH no you DIT~N'T, don't you go blamin' my baby!!!" And then IT'S ON! All the accusations start flyin', the 'My Droid is better than your iPhone' BS. Next thing you know, you're havin' a knock down dragout over a stupid dropped call. Jeez, I'm feelin' the stress from here and I'm not even on the phone.

What's even weirder than that is this seems to happen more often when it's iPhone to iPhone. Call me crazy [I know, what's new] but I'm beginning to wonder if our old friend Steve Jobs installed some kinda software that links all these iBots together in some way so that they know they're talkin' to 'one of their own' and they play these damn games, just to piss us off.


I'm sure you've heard how these phones are 'watching us', keeping track of everything we do and say. So then why not have the phones keep track of each other? And to take it a step further, what if all the Aspirin Companies are in on it as well?

I mean, just think of how much Bayer Aspirin they're selling to help us get rid of all of these stress headaches that are caused by all of these friggin' dropped calls. It's a conspiracy I tell you. It's Big Brother and he's attacking us through our phones.

Kinda makes you miss the days of the old rotary dial phones. Back when it would take you so long just to dial the number that you could come up with tons of stuff to talk about while you were waiting for the call to go through. S..E..V..E..N..dut..dut..dut..dut..dut..dut..dut..F..I..V..E..dut..dut..dut..dut..dut..


And hopefully you didn't have to dial a zero somewhere in there, got a bit sidetracked and didn't get your finger all the way around. That was major trouble for sure. You totally had to start all over again.

At that point you really had to think twice about even calling that person. Did you REALLY wanna talk to them THAT BAD? Bad enough to risk screwin' up another dial job?

Those were the days that people knew how important they were to you. If you actually took the time to call somebody, you must have really wanted to talk to them. Jeez, it was nice bein' wanted but come to think of it, I didn't really get that many calls. Hmmm.....

Which brings me back to my iPhone. Does it drop all these calls just to piss me off or does IT just want to be wanted? Can't it feel me massaging it when I rub it's beautiful screen? Is it lacking attention, feelin' like I just take it for granted? I sure hope not, that would be terrible.


So perhaps it really does have A.D.D.? Is it possible for a phone to have Attention Deficit Disorder? I know it sounds weird but in this day and age, why not? I mean, when I was growing up, all us kids acted out and did things we weren't supposed to. Seems like we were always doin' something wrong.

But back then instead of giving us pills to put us in 'Numbville', we'd get our butts spanked, have to pull tons of weeds in the yard and be grounded all summer. Ah, those were the days.

The days of discipline, when you learned the difference between right and wrong, by the seat of your pants. Or sometimes on the back of your thighs, perhaps your lower back, all depends on where the belt landed.



Never thought I'd look back on 'discipline' as a good thing but I have to think that like kids, our phones need to know when they are actin' up and doin' wrong. But how exactly do you go about teaching your phone the difference between right and wrong?

Do you stop using it for awhile? Who is that really punishing, you or the phone? Perhaps throw it on the ground, breaking the screen? Again, who really loses here? Sure, the phone doesn't have to work so hard anymore but your wallet is sure gonna get a workout. Maybe just take the whole damn thing apart and never use it again? I really don't know the answer.

I guess we just have to accept the fact that technology still has it's flaws and that nothing is perfect, especially when any part of it is man made. But between you and me, I still think my iPhone just ain't that smart!