This is a question that I've been asking myself from about as far back as I can remember. Well, at least somewhere back around the time I became interested in girls. Come to think of it, I've been interested in girls from as far back as I can remember. Sheesh, that IS a long time.
Hard to believe I've been struggling with this question for that long. How will I know when it's right? How will I ever be able to tell when I've met THE ONE? This just has to be one of the most often asked questions, regardless of gender.
I'll bet even the Cavemen were asking this very question as well. I kinda wonder if they just knew it by the feeling of their hair as they drug them into their caves. I'm not thinkin' communication was a huge part of a relationship back then.
I can remember my Dad telling me, "Oh, you'll know when it's right." What kind of a lame answer is that? That seems to be the default answer that every parent read in "The Dummies Guide To Raising Your Kids". Haven't we all heard that standard answer about a million times?
Sure, as kids we fall for it about the first three or four hundred times but after that, we begin to question the logic behind such a theory. At that point, we don't even know how to drive a car, how in the hell are we supposed to know if she's THE ONE? Our one and only, our destiny, our soulmate?
"Oh, don't worry, it's a feeling you'll get inside. You'll know when it's right". Huh? Inside where? Based on that theory, I've met the one on more than one occasion. And let me tell you, it's pretty damn obvious at this point that they weren't the one. At least not the one I dream about anyway.
And besides, what exactly is this feeling that I'm supposed to be getting? Is it a peaceful, serene, quiet inside type of thing or is it a full on frustrating, raging sexual tension kinda thing? It's comical how those that say that I'll know it when I feel it sure as hell are lousy at describing the feeling themselves.
If they found it so easily, and knew they had found it then it seems to me that they should sure be able to describe it just as easily. But all to often that doesn't seem to be the case. Nope, not at all. In fact, completely the opposite.
Most of those that you ask just seem to begin staring at the floor, shuffling their feet in hopes that it's all a bad dream and the question will somehow just disappear, back to whence it came. But no such luck. This is a question that demands an answer. An answer to an as yet unsolved mystery.
So as the questionee begins to ponder all of the possible answers they could give in an effort to just get it over with and answer the question at hand, their mind goes into hyper~drive and the smoke starts pouring out of their ears.
Not only do they not have a legitimate answer, now they find themselves swimming in a sea of self doubt, wondering as to whether or not they themselves ended up with their one and only. After all the questions they asked themselves before they ever made their connection, did they make the right choice?
No doubt they were so sure at the time, not a question in their mind but for some strange reason things aren't so cut 'n dry for them. So they start mumbling some kinda mumbo jumbo, praying that their phone will magically ring, allowing them to get out of answering the original question.
Noticing the extreme anguish on their face, it's probably best to just withdraw the question at this point. No need to cause a divorce over a stupid question, right? Well, it's not that it's a totally stupid question, just one that isn't all that easily answered. No matter how easy you think it is.
Perhaps that's because it's more of a feeling rather than a thought, a process of elimination. Assessing all of your feelings, both positive and negative as they pertain to the person you desire to be with and then coming to a conclusion of sorts, which would make complete sense as I truly believe that the decision to spend the rest of your life with someone is a decision that will have to be made by you, not an outsider so to speak. But for some reason that sounds entirely too logical.
While their input and advice can be a welcome thing in this situation, ultimately it's you that is going to have to decide what's right for you. Oh, and I guess the person that you're planning on spending the rest of eternity with should have a bit of a say in this decision as well. I mean, it's only fair.
After all, this is a huge decision. For both of you. This pretty much spells the end of the road as it were, the end of the dating road. Which as we all know can be a huge blessing. Whether we'd like to admit it or not, DATING SUCKS!
At least for most people it does. Yes, there are some serial daters out there that have made dating their lifes mission, seemingly never wanting it to end. Kinda like those kids that stay in college for 14 years and never graduate. The real world can be a scary thing, same as a real relationship. So much better to hide in the Land Of No Commitment, the home of zero expectations.
I would have to believe that almost everyone would rather be in a monogamous, committed relationship but find it so much easier to just skate through life, single and scammin'.
Like a rock skipping across a pond. Never really landing anywhere stable, just droppin' by only long enough to get some traction for another leap towards who knows where, movin' on to something seemingly bigger and better.
But as we all know, eventually that rock sinks into the muddy, murky depths below, never to be heard from again. And so it is with the dating world. All those years of going from pit stop to pit stop will surely leave you in the pits. Doesn't sound very appealing to me, that's for sure.
But the other side to that dreadful race to nowhereville is the other form of hell, known as settling. Yep, in essence giving up and doing whatever it takes, basically sacrificing your soul to avoid being alone. Surely that's not the answer. Is it?
Damn I hope not because to me, that's just as miserable, if not more so than being alone. I'm sure we've all known plenty of people that although they aren't physically alone, they are some of the loneliest people on earth. Married, kids, the whole nine yards, yet they are so unhappy and only wish they were single again.
How terrible would that be to know that you're in a relationship with someone that you aren't attracted to, have nothing in common with and have zero connection to. Besides a Marriage License of course. Yet, in essence you're stuck with that person forever. I'll take being single and alone over that prison any day of the week.
I truly don't believe that life was meant to be spent alone. Sure, it might appear to be an easier way to live. In theory you can avoid all of the heartache, heart break and disappointment that some relationships tend to entail. But you'll also miss out on all of the joy, happiness and bliss that comes from finding the one. From spending your life with your true love.
Although I have yet to meet my one and only, I know it's only a matter of time before I do. And I also know that it will be worth all of the heartache I've had to endure along the way. It's like they say, without the bad, how would we know when things are good? And I have no doubt that's true.
Of course it totally sucks (ok, MAJORLY totally sucks!) when you're going through all of those bad times and it's even worse when some well meaning individual tells you that it just wasn't meant to be, which at that point is pretty much the last thing you want to hear.
Eventually though, once you scrape up what's left of your heart off the hot asphalt with a worn out spatula (how's that for a visual?) and begin to trudge the long and lonely road ahead once again, you come to realize that it never would have worked for the long haul and to continue on would have just been futile.
And for me, it has to be able to stand the test of time. I want a long term, monogamous, commited relationship and I refuse to bring my heart out of hiding for anything less than that. Why risk all that heartbreak on a connection that doesn't show all the signs of having that possibility? No thank you, not interested.
Problem is, in your mind you were thinking that maybe she could be the one but once you begin to be honest, with yourself and who you truly are on the inside, you have to admit that although you knew it wasn't totally there for you, perhaps the compromises that you were willing to make just wouldn't have been worth it in the long run.
I have no doubt that true love does exist and it will require some sacrifices and to some extent you also have to make compromises. But that isn't to say that you must compromise who you are, on the inside, for another person.
Once you begin to change who you are as a person and what you truly want in a relationship for the sake of not being alone, that is a sure guarantee that you will never be happy in the end.
With over six billion people on the planet, you'd have to think that there's someone, a soulmate, a one and only, out there for everyone. The problem is, how on earth do you find your soulmate? And when and if you are lucky enough to find your one and only, how will you know for sure that this person is THE ONE? Oh, you'll just know.....
Have you found yourself wondering when and IF you'll ever find THE ONE and how you'll know when you do, I'd appreciate hearing your and your feelings about your quest for your soulmate and if you enjoyed this Post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.
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