Burning Desire

After 3 1/2 years I am beginning to realize that my life is just about as miserable as it was when I was 'self medicating'. Can't say it's just as bad as it was back then but it's getting close. I'm starting to lose track of all the reasons I quit 'partying' in the first place. Get a better woman? Nope, dumped time after time. Get a better job? Nope again. Pretty much unemployed these days. Insure that I don't lose everything that I own? Strike three! I've more or less lost everything I owned. Now, at least I didn't drink it away but I've lost it all nonetheless.

So, where do I go from here? If I just sit around having my own pity party, that won't really get me anywhere. Not that I have anywhere to go but if I give up on life I'll end up living in the back of my car. Well, not for very long though. If I don't start making some money soon, I'll be losing my car as well.

Which leads me to my dilema. How can I make some money in todays world? I have been searching online over the last 6 or 8 months trying to figure out a way to make money without a typical 8 to 5 J.O.B. Thought I had found a couple 'possibilities' but they haven't really panned out. I also rediscovered something I had already known but seem to have forgotten. It's very difficult to stay focused and motivated about something that you're not truly passionate about. And let's face it. If you aren't making any money at it, you'll never stay motivated anyway.

And so the search continues. Gotta find some way to make money doing something I enjoy. Heck, is it actually ok to do that? Is it even possible? I'm great at giving other people advice, suggesting that they follow their dreams, regardless of what they may be and to never give up no matter what obstacles may arise. But then why is it that I have so much trouble taking my own advice? I mean, I truly do believe that it's the right way to live your life. But for some strange reason I don't seem to think I'm allowed to live MY life that way. Sure wish I could figure out why that is.

I mean, how hard can it be? Make a list of the things you truly enjoy doing. Not so much 'job' wise but anything you like to do. Even things you don't yet know how to do. After all, you could always 'learn' how to do them. Especially if it's something that excites you, something you're passionate about. Anything that fuels that 'burning desire' within you. Ok, on to list #2.

This is where you can list everything you're good at, where all your talents lie. What do you feel are your 'strong points'? What have others told you they thought you were best at? Remember to keep in mind that at this point, money is not a motivating factor in this evaluation. That will come into play a little later but for now, just stay focused on your talents.

Ok, now that you have a decent idea of what you enjoy doing as well as where your talents lie, how can we combine these items to create a career of sorts, something you are passionate about which will keep you both laser focused and motivated while at the same time allow you to make a living? This is where a bit of creativity comes into play. With so many people having to think 'outside the box' these days, there couldn't be a better time for me to do the same thing. Actually, I've always preferred to march to the beat of my own drum but yet I fell into the 'trap' of staying in my comfort zone, not allowing myself to pursue my dreams. Instead choosing to live safely in a box, somehow thinking this would add to my feeling of stability. But I have come to learn that that can lead to a life of 'what ifs', a life full of regrets and that is not the life for me.

So as I evaluate myself and my life, my talents and my desires I feel I have narrowed it down to two different areas. Two 'paths' that I am deeply motivated to follow, two directions that I am passionate about. And two goals are better than being scattered all over the place with thoughts in fifty different directions. Now the truly hard part is how do I survive while I try to hone those 'crafts', those skills hoping to someday make enough money to live off of them. Here again, I'm forced to divide my time up in more ways than I would like to which doesn't allow me to be laser focused in a true direction but this is still such a vast improvement over the way I have been living my life.

With the astounding jobless numbers being posted all across the US, just going out and getting 'a job' is not as easy as it once was. Not that it was ever easy but I'm sure most would agree that it is much harder now. That's why over the last eight months I've been searching for an alternative and I have one remaining 'online' option that I am commited to exploring a bit further and if that doesn't pan out, then I'm not really sure what I'll do at that point. Hmmm, maybe that will bring me one step closer to forcing myself to get more laser focused on my real goals, helping to 'fuel' my true desires and then maybe with all that focus, something will materialize that will allow my passion to fill my wallet.

And so with everything that has happened lately, from job loss to losing my Condo, to getting dumped by numerous women, all of that crap. With all of that pretty much taking me to the lowest point in my life, perhaps there is a silver lining, a hidden meaning to it after all. Short Sales and Foreclosures aren't the type of Real Estate transactions that any Realtor actually enjoys. Definitely not the reason I got into Real Estate anyway, that's for sure so no big deal there. Losing my Condo? Yeah, huge money loss and being homeless is no fun but I gotta admit, not losing sleep over a mortgage any more has it's perks. Now, being single and alone for the rest of my life? Gotta admit that's a tough pill to swallow but oh well, I guess there are worse things on this planet. So all in all, maybe hitting rock bottom, losing everything I own might not be that bad after all. Maybe having the freedom now to pursue my dreams and the possibility of living the life I want and not having anyone around to tell me I can't, maybe it will all be worth it.

I just have to remember to stay focused on what I want out of life, laser focused on my goals and dreams. What ever it takes, I've got to hold on to that 'burning desire' within me.