Hi Grandma, It's Bryan, I'm Calling To Wish You A Happy Birthday

"Hi Grandma, it's Bryan, I'm calling to say Happy Birthday! Can you believe you're 94 today?" Oh, how I wish I really could make this call but unfortunatley my Grandma is no longer with us. She passed in February of '09 and to be honest, I still cry when I think about her being gone.

Oh, I know it's real and I know she's gone but she was such a huge part of my childhood, my entire life and she holds a very special place in my heart.



Some of the earliest memories I have are of being at Grandma and Grandpas house for the best Thanksgivings ever. She sure knew how to cook a turkey (way before they ever invented the little Red Popper Upper thingy) that's for sure but it was the gravy, that chunky (filled with all kinds of 'innards' as I would come to learn later on) gravy that really made the turkey what it was and the Ambrosia (a fancy way of sayin' Fruit Salad) was just incredible.


No canned Cranberry Sauce for her, no way and it was the same with the Pumpkin Pie, no store bought action there either. The huge table, with it's antique table cloth, fancy plates and real silverware, was covered in numerous marvelous dishes. So many fixins that basically all you could do is eat two bites of each item and then it was time to hit the couch. You were pretty much done for the day.

And that's even if you didn't eat dinner the night before, which I often did to make sure I had room to squeeze in every delectable bite I could of Grandmas Thanksgiving Feast! Then to top it off, we always left with a ton of leftovers so it was a week of turkey sandwiches and fixins, which I enjoyed as much as my Mom did, because she basically got a week off from cooking. No doubt it was a win/win.



We also spent numerous Christmas' with my Grandparents and the word special is an understatement. Oh how they loved Xmas, and so did me and my sister. Grandmas house for any of the Holidays always spelled FUN!

Another stand out for me were all the trips to Disneyland. I was born in Anaheim and we lived just down the street from D~Land. My Grandma took my sister and I more times than I can even count.



As we got older, we were able to cruise around the entire Magic Kingdom on our own, which was super sweet. Grandma would set a time and we'd meet her back at the Pirates of the Caribbean or the Submarine Ride.

I can still remember bein' around 10 or 11 and I was on the hunt for girls that were without their parents and I actually kinda 'hooked up' (in those days that meant we went through the Haunted House together) with a girl (as I look back, she might have been a 'Cougar', as I was into older fourteen year old women back then) and I ended up getting back late to meet my Grandma, who was pretty much on fire at that point! I don't think she swatted me in front of the entire world but I definitely received a stearn lecture of sorts.



She wasn't afraid to take charge of the situation as she definitely had discipline down to a science but she also had the biggest heart when it came to us kids. Now, keep in mind I might be sayin' that last part because I was her favorite, I'm not sure.

But then I'll bet she bought us chocolate covered frozen bananas right after that. That's the kind of Grandma she was, tough but soft. Hmmmm, I wonder if that's where my chocolate addiction first took hold?



As we grew up, she continued to be there for us. Although Thanksgivings and Christmas' weren't really the same after my parents divorced (when I was 14), I still loved my Grandma as much as ever and cherished the times that I did get to see her.

For those that read my previous post (http://www.bryangira.com/life-is-short-dont-put-it-off) on her 93rd Birthday, I won't go into it here but suffice it to say that as time went on, I didn't put forth the effort that I should have in regards to visiting her. And like a ton of bricks, it came crashing down on me when I found out it was too late. My Grandma was diagnosed with Dementia, early Alzheimers, and spent her last years not knowing who I was.

But I don't want this post to turn into a tear fest (any more than it already is) and so I want to continue to focus on what a wonderful, caring, giving, loving woman that she was and as far as I'm concerned, the Best Grandma EVER!


Grandma, I miss you more than you'll ever know....and Happy 94th Birthday!

Love, Bryan

If you've had a similar situation with any of your family members, if you can relate in any way, I'd love to hear about it and if you enjoyed this Post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.

Grant Me The Courage.....To Step Away From My Computer

Is Social Media addictive? I'm beginning to think so. I mean, it's not THAT bad.... yet. It's not like I can't walk away from the keyboard any time I choose. Hmmm, wait a minute. I wonder if I really can?

Walk away that is. Like if I really had something important to do, I'm sure I could push the keyboard aside and take care of whatever it is I need to get done first, then resume whatever I was doing prior to the interruption. Did I just say interruption? That almost makes it sound like my regular life is getting in the way of my life on the Internet.

Is it possible to have two separate lives, one online and one off? Come to think of it, that already sounds weird to think about even having an online life. Well, maybe not that weird. I mean, basically everything that you need to do these days can be done on the computer. From Banking to paying bills, buying shoes to books, food to furniture, it's just about all online now. In fact, there's pretty much nothing you can't do on the computer these days.



So I guess it's not that crazy to think that you can conduct an entire life online. Heck, look at all the Dating Sites that are available. If you spent enough time on them (which no doubt I'll get into in another Post), without a doubt you'd be able to find a spouse.

I guess about the only thing you can't actually 'buy' online is a ready made family, complete with kids and a dog but who knows, just by me typing that it could give someone an idea to start up a new Site called "Efamily.com". I have learned to never say never when it comes to the Internet.



And you can count me among them, just think of all the Bloggers out there in the Blogosphere. Sure, most of the Blogs have been taken over by BlogBots and are no longer manned by real humanoids but there are still many many Blogs whos content is updated weekly, if not daily, by real live people with lots to say.

And so that leads us to the basis of this Post, Social Media as it's come to be known. I'd have to think that most everyone is familiar with the "Big Three", namely Facebook, Twitter and MySpace. YouTube could also be considered amongst them as well, as far as popularity is concerned but it's more of a place to post videos than an actual interactive socializing Site.



While there are literally hundreds of "Social Sites", according to the Alexa Rankings, those are currently the most popular. Perhaps not in that order, I haven't checked lately but as far as I know, there aren't any others in the same Ballpark.

MySpace seemed to be where all this online socializing really got started. If you're like me, I always thought it was just a place for kids to hang out online, and perhaps it was in the beginning but no doubt it grew to be a place where people, young and old, from around the globe are able to coexist and e~mingle whenever they want to.



Over the last year or so, MySpace seems to have fallen out of favor in the online world. Not exactly sure as to why. I guess, like all things trendy, what's IN one minute can just as easily be OUT the next. I myself enjoyed MySpace but to be honest, it was mainly because the creativity that it offered regarding the customization of your profile page was a huge attraction to me.


In fact, I spent more time on there tweaking my profile than I actually did interacting with anyone. I started on there as a recomendation from a friend as she knew I was in search of a blogging platform and at the time, it afforded me a small place to share my stuff.

I will say though that I met some great (and some not so great) people on that Site. Now, when I say met, I mean that in the online sense as I never actually met them in person. Two people stand out to me more than ever and if it wasn't for my time on MS, I never would have met them and so overall, I have very fond memories of that Site.



I tend to refer to it in the past tense as even though I still have my profile page there, I very rarely visit the Site. As we all know, Social Media can take up so much time and like they say, "So many Sites, so little time", or something like that.

I'm not entirely sure if I moved on to Twitter next or not. I believe I started my Facebook page before Twitter but I never added any content, let alone visited FB with any regularity. At that time I was putting more effort into building up my list of Followers on Twitter.

I was considering getting into Internet Marketing and the number one priority (or so I was told) was to build a list and so that's what I did. I believe I've been on there about eight or nine months, created a few different profiles (in an effort to target different niches) and I probably have a minimum of 25K followers. To some, that might sound like alot but there are so many people with so many more followers than that.



As I gravitated away from the Internet Marketing idea, I have spent less and less time on that Site. To be honest, I never really got it. I mean, it's a zillion little 140 character blurbs from random people, coming at you shotgun style and nearly impossible to keep up or keep track of anything that's going on.

Especially since all of the SpamBots started taking over. Word got out that somehow Twitter was a gold mine for monetized traffic and next thing you know, it became flooded with every piece of software which would allow all these rookie spammers to flood the Site every second with Biz Opp after Biz Opp.


Of course, that's in addition to all the Porn Chicks tryin' to get you to check them out on their Sites (which will require you to Sign In) and when you add in all of the fake profiles, it's pretty much a non stop roulette wheel of who knows what. I still go there once in a while to share my Blog Posts but that's about it.

Since I've spent less time on Twitter, it's allowed me to spend a bit more time on Facebook. Now, what's really strange about that is the fact that FB held the least amount of allure for me. I mean, talk about a boring looking profile page. With almost zero customizability (is that even a word?), it's not the most attractive place to hang out.

That's the main thing that I miss about MySpace. At least people were able to show a bit of their personality, who they are on their profile, which I really liked. Facebook is more or less devoid of personality, pretty much Plain Jane as it were. But I guess that doesn't matter to most people. Apparently just being able to interact with people around the world is enough of an attraction.



So what then, is the huge attraction to Facebook. They recently reached over 500 Million users and when you consider that the population of the United States is just over 300 Million, that truly speaks volumes about the attraction of the Internet and the Social Media Sites.

In fact, Facebook is the number two most visited Site, both Globally and in the United States. The only Site with more traffic is Google. That's pretty strong in anybodys book. How long will this last? It's anybodys guess but there's no denying their presence on the Net.



Is that what draws so many people in? They want to be part of something bigger than themselves, they have a need to belong? It's anybodys guess. I'm sure that lots of them just want to interact with friends and family while others want to branch out, meet new friends and still others are only there for business reasons. Whatever your reason, it's hard to deny the fact that once you Log In, it's next to impossible to Log Out!




That feeling that you're missing something, that someone could be trying to contact you but can't because you're not logged in, that you aren't keepin' up with what's going on in the world just continually gnaws at you. I'm sure you've experienced the feeling, your computer continues to call out to you.

Log In.....Log In.....It's OK, it will only be for a couple minutes, then I'll let you go.....go back to whatever you were SUPPOSED to be doing.....just Log In.....it will be ok.....I promise.....walk towards the light.....this way.....towards the light of the Monitor.....

Next thing you know, you're back in your chair, computer sparkling to life and then it's www...Fac.... NO, I CAN'T DO THIS! Not today, I have so much I need to get done. maybe later....but NOT now. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



But no matter how much you struggle against The Force, it's just too strong, the urge is just too much to resist and so you figure, what the heck, why fight it. Then you pour yourself a cup of coffee and settle in because you and I both know that you're going to be in that chair for quite a while.

And so this brings me back to my original point. Is Social Media addicting in any way. I mean, there's no denying the attraction (no, not the Law Of Attraction) to these Sites but is it truly impossible for us to say NO or at this point, are we slaves to the Social Media Secret Sauce?



I sure hope not because as far as I know, there isn't a 12 Step Program, no Big Book, no Meetings, no pills, potions or lotions yet invented to prevent me from following the light....the light of my Monitor.

If you think that you might be addicted to Social Media or perhaps you're lucky enough to be able to just walk away from your keyboard, I'd enjoy hearing your thoughts and if you enjoyed this post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with all your friends on the Social Media Sites. Not that you're addicted and spend alot of time on them, only in your spare time.

Someday May Never Come....Better To Be Happy NOW

Happiness. That oh so elusive thing that we all search for. Endlessly scowering the earth for that fix, a way of transforming our lives into our dreams, come true. It can take months, weeks, years, an entire lifetime and still there are no guarantees we'll ever find it.

Happiness can and does mean something entirely different for each and every one of us. Luckily there are numerous opportunities for us to fulfill our dreams, to find our true happiness.

For some of us it's things. A collection of stuff would make us the happiest people on earth. Perhaps it's a beautiful new Home, a Car, a Boat, a Motorhome, all those endless things that we are conditioned to think, from an early age, that are the keys to happiness.



We've all heard the saying, "He who dies with the most toys, WINS!" Makes sense doesn't it? Well, it does to me anyway. Not that I'm ever gonna have the most toys (or ANY toys for that matter) but the basic premise seems to be legit. Maybe toys ARE the key to happiness? Hmmm.......

Others might believe that a loving family could hold the key to happiness. A spouse that truly loves them, lots of kids to share their life with, perhaps even Grandkids to continue on the chain of happiness. Maybe they grew up in a large family and to them, a large group of loved ones around them constantly would truly be everything to them.

Some might think that having the perfect job or career could hold the key for them. Not only because it could bring in large amounts of money but the title could afford them the prestige that would truly bring them happiness. To live up to, maybe even exceed their own potential would be their greatest reward.



And oh yes, we can't forget to add money to the list of keys to happiness. Matter of fact, perhaps I should have put this at the top of the list. There's a pretty good chance that this would be the number one most requested. I'd have to believe that most everyone thinks that money would be the answer to all of their problems.

After all, aren't the richest people in the world the happiest of anyone? I don't know any of them personally but I'd have to wonder if they truly are. With all of the responsibility, not to mention the high stress level that also goes with the territory, I have to question how truly happy they really are....inside.



I'm just like everyone else, on a quest for happiness. Nothin' wrong with that. For me though, while I used to think that money was what I wanted most in life, MY key to happiness but over the last three or four years I've come to realize that it's something entirely different that's going to truly make me happy. Inside. And after all, isn't inside where it counts the most?

Unfortunately I've come to learn that my key is something so much more difficult to obtain than money. Heck, money is easy when you think about it. Find someone that's making alot of money (hopefully doing something you'd enjoy doing, something you're passionate about) and model yourself after them. Do what they do and don't stop until you're wealthy....or wealthier. Pretty simple, huh?



No, my key is so much more elusive than that. Even more difficult than capping a gushing oil pipe a mile under water. Heck, I only wish it was that easy. That only took a couple months, my search could take an entire life time. And still no guarantee I'll find it after all that. I've come to learn that the key for me is true love.

Yeah, I can hear you already, sayin' good luck with THAT one! See what I mean about gettin' rich or fixin' an oil leak? Those things pale in comparison to finding true, undying, commited, do whatever it takes to make it work, love. Ok, that's enough. Please stop laughing at me.




But if there's one thing about me, it's the fact that I'm too stupid to know when to give up and so I'll continue on my journey because I know inside that the minute I stop trying, as soon as I quit moving forward, that's when the woman of my dreams will surely never be found. For all I know, she could be just around the next corner, searching for ME and if I stop trying, we'll never meet. And that would truly be a shame.

While my pursuit of happiness might seem impossible to achieve, not to mention ridiculous to some, others might be able to relate on some level and it's quite possible this could also be their reason for continuing on each and every day. Their motivation to continue their own pursuit of happiness.


Ahhhhh, yes, the "Pursuit of Happyness". One of the best movies of all time. If you haven't seen it, you should. I won't give it away here but let's just say that if you want (or need) a lesson on the importance of perseverance, what drive and motivation, in the face of impending demise, are all about, then you should watch this movie. I guarantee you will come away with a new perspective on just how hard YOU actually work to achieve your goals. Might be the wake up call you need.


Goals. Aren't they basically the driving factor for all of us? The force that guides us to all that we want to achieve in life? We all tend to set them, yet some of us stay focused on them more than others. Some have a way of keeping a laser type of intensity on them, a burning desire, while others will set one after another and never reach any of them.


And how do we retain our focus, keep our concentration directed towards where it should be in order to meet these goals? That seems to be different for everyone. Just as different as the keys to happiness are for each of us. Unfortunately there isn't a magic pill that we can all take to help us get to where we wanna be. I so wish there was as I'd buy stock in that Company immediately! That would help achieve one of the keys on my list.



All this brings to mind a question of sorts. While we search for our keys, are we supposed to be miserable along the journey? What kinda fun is that? Why not learn to be happy now? Happy with what we have instead of miserable because of what we don't have. Wow, now there's a concept!

Sure, we all need a healthy desire for more to keep us moving forward, motivating us to do more, to be more, to have more but at what cost? To live a life of misery, thinking that someday we'll be happy, once we find our key, THEN we'll be happy?



Who's to say we'll ever find it? And if we don't, what then? We ended up spending our entire life miserable, more miserable than it had to be, that's for sure.

Why is it then that we find it so difficult to even be the slightest bit happy with what we have now, no matter what it is? Sure, it might not be everything we want but I'd have to think that most of us, without much trouble at all, could immediately think of something in our lives we can be happy about.

We all have Pity Parties, "Woe is me" times, but at the end of the day we ALL have something to be happy about, something to be grateful for. I've been goin' through lots of crap these last couple years and sure, I've got tons of stuff to complain about (and regretfully, sometimes I do.={) but even I can come up with things in my life to be happy about.




Once I had a friend say something that really struck a chord with me. She said, "Next time you want to complain about your life, just think about the millions of people around the world that would give anything to have your life."

After I began to recover from the feeling of standing about one inch tall, I couldn't help but agree with her and see her point. Sure, my life was suckin', my world was crumblin' but at that same point there was someone else on the planet that had no food, no water, no shelter and she really helped to put things into perspective for me.

No doubt my life wasn't up to my standards, wasn't what I wanted for ME but there were people that were doing so much worse than I was. So I had to be grateful that I lived in a Country that would afford me the opportunity to basically do anything I wanted to do, to be anything I wanted to be. I had to give in and admit that I actually am lucky.


While I don't have everything I want, I don't think anyone does. Not even Oprah. I mean, how much would it suck to have so much wealth that nothing excites you anymore? You could buy anything on earth, a hundred times over and nothing to stop you. But nothin' even gets you motivated enough to so shopping.


To be honest, that doesn't really sound all that good. I LOVE MONEY but when there's nothing left on earth for you to buy and you have to start looking at buying an actual Planet (Hmmm, will it be Venus or Pluto? Maybe Uranus?) on Craigs List, that's when you know the fun train has just about reached the end of the tracks.

Luckily, most of us don't have that problem. We'll NEVER have that problem. Our problem is that we're just not happy with what we currently have but that can easily be remedied. Not by what we have in our wallet or our Bank account but by what's between our ears.


Sure, we could always be happier and someday we might be but let's make a choice today. All it takes is a slight shift in our thinking. Let's choose to be happy now. Because someday may never come....

If you are struggling with happiness, forgetting to be grateful for what you have, I'd enjoy hearing about it and if you enjoyed this post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.

Excuses Are For Amateurs.... MY Reasons Are Legit!

Excuses, excuses, excuses. No mistake about it, we ALL use 'em. Whether we like to admit it or not, we find ways each and every day to slip 'em in wherever they're needed most....to fit US.

Oh sure, we tend to attempt to disguise them as reasons but deep inside, we know the truth. They're just a BS way of gettin' in, out or around something. Something we did, didn't do, should be doing or shouldn't be, but any way you look at them, they're just an escape of sorts.


Doesn't really fix anything, just postpones things for a while. Hopefully until we can come up with a new excuse that sounds a little more legitimate and fits the situation better. Weird thing is, if we already know this is the case, why do we continue to make up excuses, knowing full well that nobody is really gonna buy 'em, especially us?


I'm sure you've heard the ol' saying, "Excuses are like assholes, everybody's got 'em and they ALL stink!" Sorry to sound so crude but I truly believe that this basically says it all. You ain't buyin' it, I ain't even buyin' it so at that point, why bother to sell it?

Seemingly they make us feel a bit better, a little less like a failure. Somehow thinking of it as more of a reason than an excuse tends to make everything ok. Like it was completely out of our hands, nothin' we could do about it, not OUR fault. Yeah, right.


Don't get me wrong here, every once in a while these excuses or reasons as the case may be are actually legit and hopefully they are believable enough to allow us to slide by but more than likely, they'll just be looked upon as another BS excuse. I guess when you cry wolf so many times, nobody believes you any more and such is the case with excuses.


The worst ones are when you know that the only person that will even hear the excuse.... is YOU, in your head. That's when you begin to hover around that fine line. The line between an excuse and outright just lying to yourself.

Even as you're conjuring up the most creative reason you can think of, the other side of your brain is already sayin' bullshit! Yet, you can still somehow manage to eek it out, to rationalize it, albeit with a sheepish inner grin of sorts, knowing that if you don't even believe it, then who the hell else would.

Is any of this actually helping us to feel better in any way, helping to resolve conflicts? I'd have to think so or wouldn't we just stop this silly inner dialogue altogether? Maybe. Maybe not.


For some reason we still hang on to the mentality that it's gonna work this time. This time it's actually legit, no BS, the real deal. But we know in our hearts that it's not and so the torment begins.

Do we make excuses because it's easy? Easier than facing the truth. Easier than having to follow through on whatever it is we're supposed to be doing. Easier than facing the fact that we blew it, we made a mistake, did something wrong and now we have to face the music? Hmmmm......

Perhaps excuses are ego driven and created in an effort to save our pride? Ego and Pride, the Evil Twins! Either of these can take you down but get 'em both working in tandem and it's Dooms Day for sure. They will cause you do things that you already know you shouldn't but in an effort to save yourself from looking like a fool, they kick in and who knows what's gonna happen from there. Best of luck to you.


It's funny how we think all of our excuses, ooops, reasons are for real but the minute someone else tries to lay one on us we don't even begin to entertain the thought that it could be the truth. And if that's the case, why the hell do we continue to expect others to believe us? Oh yeah, it's because they're all amateurs and I'm a pro. A professional excuse maker, now THAT'S some kinda fancy title.

I mean, with all my experience at making excuses for everything, why I can't do this, can't do that, I'd have to be considered a Pro by now. Correct? Thank you.


My excuses run the full spectrum, they fit pretty much all occasions and can be used in just about any situation you can think of. They're basically universal. They can be used for both good AND evil. In fact, most of them tend to do more harm than good. Yikes!



The more I think about it, most of mine seem to be used in such a way as to save me from failure. No doubt I, like most everyone, have a fear of failure. Not sure if it's more or less present than everyone elses but never the less, it's there and it never lets me forget it's there either.


I'm sure it started from when I was a kid and doing something wrong or not as well as I should have would lead to trouble of some sort. Whether it was a scolding or a spanking, either way failing at anything wasn't gonna turn out to be a pleasant experience.

No doubt looking like a failure in front of my peers also played into it as time went on but I still have to think that it started even earlier than that. Nobody wants to look like a dufus in front of their friends but they're not gonna kick your butt like your Dad will! That's a fear of failure.

I kinda had a built in excuse for quite awhile but I had to let that go about four years ago. That's about the time I quit drinking. I gotta admit, it was nice havin' a default reason for failing. Basically it's not my fault, by default. If (and when) I screwed up on anything, I could always say, "Oh, I was drunk when I did that, that's why I f'd it up" and for the most part, I was drunk (or worse) most every waking moment of every day and so it was pretty damn convenient. Came in handy on lots of occasions.


Unfortunately I had to quit drinking and when I did, I had to say goodbye to my ready made excuse. Which really sucks as now I have to be so much more creative.

Perhaps by no longer drinking, it's also made it much more difficult for me to get these excuses past my on board BS Detector. Ah, no wonder they're not workin' for me anymore. I'm startin' to call myself out on my own BS. That's not good. Isn't that someone elses job?



I guess not. Apparently it's up to me to face my own music and live up to my own standards. Damn it, I was hoping it was gonna be easier than that.

I sure wish they had some kind of an online store, like an "Excuses R Us" type of thing where you could just download some ready made excuses, narrowed down into different categories like "I didn't say that", "I didn't mean that", I didn't do that", "I was drunk when that happened", basically excuses to cover all the different possibilities.


Hmmmm? Maybe I'll start a Membership Site as a way of creating some passive residual income. After all, I'm a Pro at making up excuses, so it should be no problem to look back through my vast BS Library and jot down a few thousand of 'em.

Then I can just submit new ones monthly as a way of adding value to the Site and giving my customers what they really need. This is beginning to sound like a winner already. I mean, who on earth doesn't love (and NEED) excuses and to have them ready for instant download and covering every conceivable circumstance, I can already smell the cash in my Pay Pal account from here!

Who'd a thought that all these years of making up excuses (lying to myself) could turn out to be a money maker? Not me, that's for sure.

Hey, wait a second. What if I go through all the work of setting up the Website, buying a Domain, setting up Hosting, getting an Auto Responder configured, creating new content and everything else that goes into building a business, not counting all the expense involved and then the entire thing tanks? That would totally suck!



Well, as it turns out, I'm kinda too busy anyway, I mean with all I've got goin' on, you know, all the stuff I'm doin', all the things I have scheduled in the near future. Besides, you know how it is, you never know what might come up that could take away even more of my free time and then what would I do? I don't have enough time as it is now, how could I ever hope to run a new website, let alone on auto pilot. So much for that idea, just ain't gonna work.

Phew, that was a close one! Good thing I'm such an Excuse Pro, sure saved me again from an impending failure.

If you can relate to making excuses of your own, real or not, I'd enjoy hearing about it and if you enjoyed this Post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.

From Disaster.... Comes Opportunity

Yes, believe it or not, disaster does create opportunity. Now, you may be saying to yourself, that statement sounds utterly ridiculous and not too long ago I might have been inclined to agree with you.

I mean, really, how on earth can a nightmare come to life turn out to be a gift in disguise? Basically, it's because what we have isn't always what we need, despite our thinking to the contrary.

We've all heard the saying, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." Well I was never a big believer in this theory but as of late, I've come to understand it better and it's quite possible that there may actually be some truth to it.

Take owning a home for example. The American Dream, from our earliest childhood memories, we've all dreamed of a place to call our own. A home we could fix up just the way we like it, perhaps right on the beach or maybe a Golf Course, a Lake, the mountains, wherever your dream destination might be. Oh, it would be sooooo wonderful.


Or so we think anyway. For some reason they forgot to mention the huge mortgage payments, Property Taxes, maintenance, upgrades, etc., etc. Next thing you know, your house becomes your life. Every waking (and sometimes sleeping) minute is spent thinking about everything you have to take care of, whether it be monetarily or otherwise and it doesn't leave you a whole lotta room to enjoy it. I've got news for you, home ownership is a full time job.

What about that exotic new car you've been dreaming of. You know the one, the 2012 PORSCHEMBORGHINERRARI GTLP6565XV SUPER ITALUDERIA. Oh, what a beauty. All the reviews can't stop drooling about what an unbelieveable machine it is. "Best car in the world", "Nothing faster short of an F-18 Hornet", "Turns on a dime and gives you back two nickles in change!" Yeah, THAT ONE!


So you head on down to the PORSCHEMBORGHINERRARI Dealership, lay down your $500K and drive away with your dream machine. Then it hits you, this thing drives like crap! This isn't ANYTHING like the reviews said it was. No doubt, given the opportunity, you would have test driven it before you bought it but they wanted you to fill out all the Purchase paperwork, get pre qualified, basically everything you would have to do to purchase the car, short of a final signature and at that point, you weren't 100% sure you were even gonna buy one.

Too late now, it's yours. You DID buy it, along with all of the maintenance and upkeep which, according to the warranty, MUST be completed by the Dealership. In essence, you're locked in for the next three years to $900 oil changes and $3000 tune~ups. Welcome to the world of Exotic Supercar ownership. Is it everything you thought it would be? Probably not.

Here again, they forgot to mention the fact that you'd really only want to drive this car once or twice a month. Any more than that and you'd either throw your back out from the Suspension or the high cost of maintenance alone would pretty much wipe your wallet out.



Maybe a Motorhome is your thing. You could plunk down about $350K, then try to figure out a place to store it for about $500 a month, not to mention upkeep and maintenance. Heaven forbid you actually wanted to use it, that could cost you another couple grand in fuel. For the weekend! Not exactly a dream come true.


My point to all this is the fact that while lots of things sound great, in reality, owning them might not be such a wonderful thing. Things and stuff require effort which in turn removes alot of the fun factor out of owning them.

Which brings me back to my original thought. I had (and still have) lots of those same dreams, just like everyone else. I wanted a place on a Golf Course from as far back as I can remember. Same with the fancy Exotic foreign car. Way before I even had my Drivers License, I've been a Car Guy. It's in my DNA, no gettin' around it.



So a few years ago, I stretched myself thinner that Stretch Armstrong ever could and I bought my Dream Condo on the golf course. I had a friend that had let me stay in this very Condo thirteen years prior and I had never forgotten it. So to finally buy THAT same Condo after all this time was a huge achievement for me. Matter of fact, it was for sale when I stayed there and I had kept the Sales Flyer all this time. That's the kind of impact it had on me and I told myself that someday I would buy it....and I did.

There I was, my back patio was on the 11th Fairway of The Stadium Course at PGA West in La Quinta and I was livin' the dream. Waking up to that view every day was more than I could have hoped for.


There was only one thing missing. If I'm gonna live here, on Millionaires Row, I need a better car to drive. Not that I was out to impress anyone, I just wanted to fulfill my dream. Nothin' wrong with that, right?

So I sold everything I had that wasn't bolted down and I bought the BMW I had fantasized about since I was a kid. No, I take that back. This BMW was a million times better than anything I could have ever conjured up in my mind.


Just sitting in the car, all of my troubles were immediately forgotten and I was transported to another place and time. Yes, it had an incredible stereo, thirteen speakers pumpin' out perfection but I found that I rarely had it on as the sound from the 10 cylinder engine was so much sweeter than any song that was playin' through the speakers. I came to realize that I loved that car as much, if not more than my Condo.

But reality began to sink in. On paper, I had it all figured out. If I sell this, this and this, put that money into this, that will knock down my payments on this which will allow me to put more into this and so at that point, I'll be able to afford this AND that. Perfect, should be no problem at all.


I was more than willing to sacrifice basically everything I owned just to keep the two things I really wanted. Unfortunately, as we all know, things don't always go according to plan. Yes, I sold everything I had originally planned to but at nowhere near the prices I had planned on.

I'm sure most of you have heard by now, we're pretty much in a recession and all of my cost cutting started right around the same time. Needless to say, I chased the market downhill but as I look back, not nearly as quickly as I needed to. I should have been running my ass off instead of briskly walking. Oh well, live 'n learn.


Long story short, first thing to go was a rental property I had purchased with a buddy of mine. Next in line was my dream Condo. I was never able to knock down the mortgage payments to something feasible so I had to walk away in a Short Sale. The REAL killer was my BMW. I had a (sickening) feeling that once that was gone, along with it would go all of my motivation, my reason to get out of bed in the morning, my reason to go on.



Sure enough, watching that car leave without me behind the wheel hit me harder than I even thought it would. My biggest dream in life, wiped away in a heartbeat. Talk about a feeling of failure, I became the Poster Child for Loser!

Since then, I also lost another piece of land but nothing hurt as bad as losing my German Dream Machine. And while I would have loved to stay in bed for the next couple (10 or 20) years, I really couldn't. Mostly because I had to sell all of my furniture as well so no bed to sleep on. It was probably for the best as most of the furniture wouldn't fit in a Cardboard Condo anyway.



I'm not 100% sure how long it's been since most of this went down, probably about a year or two and while it's by no means over yet, some healing has taken place. I still owe a fortune on a HELOC and in Credit Cards, my FICO Score is now about a -33 and I can't afford a battery operated toothbrush. Besides that, things are looking good.

Even though I say that sort of sarcastically (ok, REALLY sarcastically), when it comes right down to it, now that I've lost everything on earth, strange as it may seem, I've also gained something at the same time.

I can hear you right now, laughing, saying what on earth could he have gained? The guy's a homeless, penniless, Bum that's in debt up to his eyeballs, no way could he have gained anything. (BTW, I take offense to the part about being a Bum)

Well, you'd be wrong. After losing my hopes, dreams and pretty much every material thing I owned (and some I didn't own), I actually gained something that (luckily) can't be bought. If it was something that you had to buy, I couldn't afford it. It's something that most all of us take for granted, at least until we lose it. Freedom. I gained back some freedom.


We tend to lose some freedom as we take on more responsibility, that's the trade off. And a sacrifice that one must be willing to take if you're gonna participate in life.

No big deal, you'd think, as the stuff you're gonna buy gives you some freedom as well. Freedom to come and go and to BE whatever it is you want to be. Freedom to live your life the way you want to.

But responsibility can be a hell of a burden. It doesn't seem to be highlighted in a Purchase Agreement when you buy a home or on the Window Sticker when you buy a vehicle but no doubt it's there, hovering over you like a vulture awaiting its next meal.

Do I have any regrets from some of my past decisions? You better believe it. Do I feel like a failure? Damn right I do. If I could go back and do it over again, would I make the same decisions? HELL NO! What do you think I am, an idiot?


But at the point in my life when this all started, I had to make some serious decisions. I owned a house, free and clear and I could have just sat in the driveway, staring at the beautiful view and gotten drunk every day for the rest of my life (as short as that might have been). That was option one and since I had quit drinking just about a year or so before, I really wasn't likin' that option too much.

Option two was to totally change my life, chase my dreams, live a life that I had always wanted to. I had lived a life of misery for so long that I HAD to make a change. So I sacrificed everything to make my dreams come true and for a short while, I WAS living my dream. Then reality (with an assist from the tanking of the Real Estate market) stepped in and kicked my ass. It was(is) a beat down I won't soon forget. How can I, the Collection Agencies won't let me!


Luckily for me time marches on and with that I'm beginning to look at things from the other side. Sure, I have nothing left but on the other hand, I have nothing left. Nothing left to get in my way, to keep me from rebuilding my life, the way I want to. Ok, so it will be a few years before I can make payments on an electric toaster but heck, as far as I'm concerned, toast is overrated anyway.

Who would have ever thought that all the disasters of these last couple years would have opened up any new opportunities? Not me, that's for sure. I've been so busy wallowing in all my misery, throwing one continuous Pity Party for myself that I couldn't hold my head up long enough to see anything in my future besides a life of couch surfin' and microwave burritos, at least until I could find a decent place to homestead my new Cardboard Condo.


With a drastic change in my mindset and a severe attitude adjustment, I'm beginning to feel that rather than letting this be the end to my Dream Life, I'd much rather redirect my focus towards fulfilling another life long dream or two.


And who knows, maybe this new life of mine might even be a little less stressful than before. Hey, I can dream, can't I? After all, everything in life comes from a dream. One thing's for sure, it's gonna be different and with that comes more opportunities that I'm not even aware of....yet.

And so maybe losing everything has some kind of a silver lining to it, perhaps it wasn't all for nothing. Maybe it was to learn a lesson on what NOT to do with your life. I've always been a risk taker, that won't change. I firmly believe that without taking risks, there's no rewards. But in the future, I'll make sure my Ego and my Pride aren't drivin' the train!

From Disaster.... Comes Opportunity. Can you believe I just said that? I can....now.




If you have any similar experiences in this type of a situation, I'd enjoy hearing about them and how you went on to conquer them. And if you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share it with your friends.