Life Is Short, Don't Put It Off!

Next Wednesday would have been Grandmas Birthday, she would have been 93. Can you imagine that, 93? Unfortunately we lost her back on February 19th of this year. But in her 92 years on this wonderful planet just imagine all the great 'things' she was able to see. All of the amazing inventions that have come along since she was a small child growing up in the Bay area. Planes, Automobiles, Movies, Television, Computers, the list is endless.

Born and raised in Oakland, she spent alot of her childhood in San Fransisco. She always talked about the Cable Cars, Cannery Row, Fishermans Wharf , all exciting 'things' to a child growing up around the time of the Great Depression. When she married my Grandfather, he was a Semi Pro Baseball player and always on the road traveling from game to game, which I'm sure took it's toll on their marriage. Even after my father, their only child, was born it still wasn't enough to keep my Grandfather from the life he loved and by 1958 they were divorced. That same year she met another man whos company she enjoyed. A few years her senior, they fell in love and were married in 1959. I was born in 1960 and so 'they' were my Grandparents [I never could figure out why I had an 'extra' Grandfather] and were to become such a big part of my childhood, my entire life for that matter. Not the least of which were the numerous trips to Disneyland and all the 'E Ticket' rides. All I have to do is close my eyes and I'm there again.


As my sister and I got older, we spent many weekends with Grandma & Grandpa. We didn't know it at the time but I think it was mostly to give our parents a 'break' from the stress of raising two kids. All we knew is that our Grandparents always spoiled the heck out of us and we liked it! My parents were married @ 18 and I'm still amazed they kept it going for 14 years. My Dad worked three jobs and my sister and I were my Moms 'full time' job, along with all the domestic chores. I think that all the Thanksgivings and Christmas' at Grandmas were a blessing for all, especially us kids.

In 1985 my Grandpa passed away unexpectedly during a 'routine' surgery, leaving my Grandma alone without warning. She was a very strong and independent woman, we knew she would be ok. She spent many years as the Head of the FUR Departments at The Broadway and Bullocks, both well known Dept Stores in her day, her territory being all of Southern California . No doubt she was a survivor. Through her two knee replacements, Breast Cancer 'scares' and all the ups and downs of life, she chose not to remarry. Instead she seemed content to spend her time with her friends and her pets.


We all had busy lives of our own and by this time my parents had divorced and gone their separate ways. My sister had her life and I was busy living a full life in San Diego . Through the years the Holiday 'trips' to Grandmas became less frequent and were seemingly replaced by phone calls and greeting cards. "I love you and I'll see you soon" seemed to be the recurring theme in all my communications with her. After all, it's a short drive from San Diego to Hemet, I can go next month. It's not like I have to fly to Florida or anything. But the more I wanted to go visit her, it seems the more excuses I made to put it off until 'later'. And as we all know, later never comes. Every time her and I would talk on the phone, she'd reassure me that everything was fine, she was ok but "come and visit when you can." "I will, I will," I promised.

While at work one day in 2004, I decided to call her on my lunch break, just to say "Hi". After we spoke for a few minutes, she said "I have someone here that wants to speak to you." My first thought was who on earth could it be, my sister and I are her only family. "Hello, this is 'Shirley So and So' from the County of Riverside . We are here to take your Grandmother to a State Facility, she can no longer take care of herself. We are going to sell her home and take all of her assets to pay for her full time care." All I could say was "What are you talking about?" I left work immediately and drove to Hemet. All throughout the 2 1/2 hour drive I ran all the different 'scenarios' through my head as to how all of this all could have happened and what was I going to be able to do about it.

As it turned out, apparently her 'friends' next door had placed a few calls to the County and they sent a 'friend' [spy] to visit weekly and report back with her 'findings'. They determined that my Grandma could no longer take care of herself and needed to be in a 'Full Time' Care Facility. I came to find out later that this entire situation came about because the neighbor wanted to buy my Grandmas Mobile Home for a family member of theirs to live in and my Grandmother refused to sell so they thought if she was 'gone', they could buy her home. Long story short, I found an Assisted Living facility for her, sold her home to someone else so the County wasn't able to 'take everything' and neither was her neighbor.

At that time, she was diagnosed with the beginning stages of Dementia and over the last 4+ years it became progressively worse, robbing her of her memory and eventually her ability to communicate. Up until about 2 years ago, she would recognize me every time I visited her but since that time it had gotten much worse. So bad in fact that she could no longer communicate. You could see in her eyes that she had so much she wanted to say but she couldn't get the words out. After an hour of talking with her and showing her old family photos, you definitely got the feeling that perhaps it was 'triggering' memories of some kind inside her and as she smiled and laughed a bit, she still couldn't express what was on her mind. Perhaps it was more my wanting so badly to have her recognize me and just praying that maybe this time it would happen but of course it never did.

I had to come to the realization that she just didn't know me anymore. No matter how much it broke my heart, she wouldn't ever recognize me or have a conversation with me again. For all intents and purposes, my Grandmother was gone. Oh, she was relatively strong for her age and the skin on her face still showed all the years of pride in her appearance but yet, she was gone. I had lost my Grandmother. As I sat there with her, I continued to talk to her knowing full well that she had no idea who I was or what I was saying. No matter what I did, I couldn't bring her back and I just had to face that fact.

All this brings me to the reason for writing this 'novel'. Life is so short and our families are such precious parts of who we are today. Take a little time, tell them you love them, say everything you ever wanted to say to them no matter how 'trivial' it may seem. Even if you 'think' they already know how you feel, reassure them anyway. The next time you make an excuse and say "Sorry, I'm just too busy right now but we'll get to see each other real soon", immediately stop what you're doing and change your plans. You can always mow the lawn or watch the game next weekend. This weekend, go and visit your family. I promise you it will be a million times more rewarding and the memories will be with you much longer than which Team won the game or how many times you emptied the mower bag.

So as I sit here typing this, on the 'eve' of what would have been her 93rd Birthday, I can't help but think about all of the times that I should have gone to visit her. All the times that I should have put 'my life' on hold and went to share her life with her. I truly am the one that lost out here. She was such a wonderful woman, such a big part of my life and my childhood growing up, I only wish I would have told her more often. So again, life is so short and if I can help just one person to not have to live with the regret that I feel, make that trip. Or at the very least, make that phone call. You just never know when the last time will be that you will get the chance to see them or to tell them you love them.



"Happy Birthday Grandma, I Love You and I will never forget you."

He...Hello, Marblemouth, Is That You???

Is it just me? I guess it could be but it seems like since the 'Law' went into effect last year banning cell phone use while driving, I have noticed three times as many people talking on their cell phones as before. Maybe I'm just more sensitive to all these 'law breakers', I'm just not sure but it seems that there are so many more drivers 'testing' the law and tempting fate.As I pulled into the left turn lane the other day to wait for the signal to change, there just happened to be a Police car 'kitty corner' to where I was sitting, also waiting for the light to change in his direction. My first thought was "good thing I'm not on my Cell, I just know I'd get a ticket." I don't know about you but $271 is alot of money to me, especially these days. Heck, you could almost get a new iPhone for that price.

While I waited to turn, of course the guy that pulls up on my right side is on his cell phone but my car is blocking him from the Officers view, so he's safe. Finally the light turns green and both he and I make the turn, him on his cell phone and me pissed that he's gettin' away with it. I surely would have gotten a ticket, that's just how my luck works.

So I 'roll up' to the next red light signal, happy to be obeying the law. Turns out now I'm next to a woman that's also on her cell phone but she's having a bit more trouble carrying on her conversation. How do I know this, being in a different car and all? Well, it's because she's also eating a hamburger at the same time! I tried to show a bit of empathy for her plight, after all I'd hate to be in her shoes. I mean, last thing I want is to have her burger get cold or heaven forbid, not be able to 'yap' with her friend on the other end of the line about all the crap[ooops, I mean stuff] that happened last night on Desperate Housewives. That is, until I see her 'dig' into her lap, pull out a handfull of French Fries and shove them in her mouth. Now my empathy has turned to jealousy because I LOVE FRENCH FRIES! Now keep in mind this is all happening as traffic is flowing @ 55MPH!!! "Ok, calm down," I tell myself but yet I can't help but be mad [jealous] that she's able to illegaly talk on the phone and at the same time enjoy such a wonderful eating experience. Good thing she's goin' about 10 mph over the Speed Limit so thankfully I don't have to watch this for too long.

On to the next red light we go. OK, now we're talkin'. I finally feel as if the Lawmakers are making a difference, someone is actually obeying the law. Yep, you guessed it, next to me is a woman with a 'Star Trek' earpiece stuck to the side of her head. My first thought is to roll my window down and yell to her, "Thank you for obeying the Law! I truly appreciate it and feel a little bit safer on the roads these days because of the efforts of people such as yourself."

Now, I'll be the first to admit I can't stand trying to have a conversation with someone while they are 'hooked up' to those Bluetooth 'things'. For some reason it seems like the ones that cost $199.95 transmit voices just as terribly as those that cost $19.95, not too mention all of the surrounding background noise that comes through just as much as their voice does. Reminds me of trying to talk to someone on a rotary dial phone, 3000 miles away, with marbles in their mouth. But hey, at least they are obeying the Law and so naturally you have to cut them some slack. At the last second the light turns green, so I decide to keep my window rolled up and my 'Atta' Girl' to myself, content to just go with the flow of traffic to the next red light.

Suddenly, something strikes me as odd. Traffic is moving forward at a good pace but yet she hasn't looked up from her lap and we have already driven 500 yards since the light turned green. Is she fiddlin' with the A/C? Perhaps changin' CDs? Does she have any idea that there's another red light comin' up and very quickly at that? Finally she looks up to check on traffic conditions, just in case she might need to see what's goin' on around her, which is a good thing because the signal light has turned red. Wait a minute, what's that in her hand? No, say it ain't so! This law abiding citizen with the 'Lt. Ohura' earphone stuck to her head is staring at her cell phone WHILE SHE'S TEXTING!

Now I realize that originally the 'Powers that be' messed up and didn't include it in the law but now it is officially illegal to text while driving, which I can't understand how they could have passed the new law last year having left this out because it goes against the 'Laws' of common sense. I mean c'mon, even if you are talking on your cell phone while driving, you might be a bit distracted but at least your eyes are facing forward and you're somewhat cognizant of what's going on around you. But when people text while driving, their gaze is concentrated on their little keypad and definitely not on the road conditions.

Talk about a recipe for disaster. Oh, I know that there are some 'pro texters' out there that can text 'one thumbed' while blindfolded but for the other 99% of us out on the road, I'd feel a heck of alot better if they had their eyes on the road instead of the little screen on their cell phones. Maybe I need to get a bumper sticker for the back of my car that says "Watch My Rear, Not Your Qwerty Keypad!" Probably wouldn't do much good though, they aren't paying any attention to the car in front of them anyway.

There Really IS Something About?????

In the movie her name is Mary and DANG, I love that movie! I've seen it a thousand times and I'll probably watch it a thousand more. It's totally me in a nutshell. Not so much that I met someone a long time ago that I'm still pining over but the fact that I know what I'm looking for and I won't stop until I find her. Also, the ending which is the best part of the movie, hasn't exactly happened for me either. In the end he gets the girl, I haven't been so lucky.

But I can so relate to how 'stuck' he is on one woman. He knows what he likes, wants, needs and desires in a woman and that's that. End of story. No one else will do. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much that same way. I have dated and been in enough relationships to know what I want. I can pretty much tell right off the bat if it's got the potential to go anywhere or not and I don't date randomly, just to date. I can't 'fake' my emotions and I don't date just to feel 'wanted'. I ONLY date a woman in hopes of building a friendship that will last forever, with a dream of finding my one true love, the love of my life.

Yes, looks are a part of it, who's kiddin' who here? There has to be a physical attraction of some sort but that's why God made everyone 'different'. Because everybody is looking for something different and if anyone says that looks don't matter to some degree, I believe they aren't being completely honest with themselves or with others for that matter.

But that's such a small part in the overall scheme of things, it's so much more than that. That's why sites like 'Match' and 'Eharmony' can actually work. You get a glimpse of someone and that can be the initial 'spark' that's needed to get the ball rolling. Then, providing the profile is reasonably accurate, you can get somewhat of an idea of whether or not you have similar interests and have a desire to go any further. Not to say that some people don't 'embellish' their profile a bit, pictures, age, etc. but even then it still helps to get a bit of background before proceeding. One thing I do find kinda odd is how many 'world travelers' you'll find on those sites. It seems like all of the women have been travelling longer than they have actually been alive but that's another story.

Yes, you hear about all the guys that 'prey' on the single mothers, hoping for an easy 'target'. Tell the women what they want [need] to hear, get in and then get out just as quickly. Yes, there are plenty of guys like that. Some have even bragged to me of their 'conquests' but to me that is such a low and shallow way of living.

That is so not me. I don't mess around with peoples emotions, same as I hope they won't mess with mine. Doesn't always go that way of course but I'm all about KARMA and so I tell it like it is, right from the start and hope for the same in return. Karma is key. I don't lead women on just to get close to them, just as I hope they won't lead me on. I am honest to a fault which of course has caused me to get the lousy end of the 'deal' my entire life, yet that's just 'who' I am and I can't seem to change it.

So hopefully someday I will have the same luck as 'Ted'. I really shouldn't say 'luck'. He FINALLY found a woman that 'got him', understood him and realized what a 'score' he actually was. Women say to me quite often that they "can't believe I'm single, I'm such a great catch." Now, I would like to think so but whether or not that's true I really can't say. Even though I hate being single it still makes me feel good when a woman says that to me. Now don't get me wrong, I am very sincere and so far from conceited it's unreal [even though it may not sound like it here] but it's true, I hear it alot. It's just the fact that I refuse to 'settle'. And I also haven't found "the one" yet. The timing is ALWAYS wrong. Seems as if when I FINALLY find a woman that I think I could possibly build a future with, she just wants to date a bunch of guys [I don't date a bunch of women at once] or she's in a relationship already or she just got out of a relationship and the LAST thing she wants is to get back into a relationship. I'm only interested in a relationship that has the possibility of lasting a lifetime so to 'serial date' is just not me. Like they say, "Timing is everything" and it just never seems to be right for me.

Yes, I'm probably just too stupid to give up. Maybe I should but I'm just not a quitter. I just have to believe that someday the timing will be right. I have no right whatsoever to be picky and in my eyes I'm not. In fact, I don't even like that phrase. In my mind I'm not really being picky as much as I just know early on if it even has a possibility of becoming a long term relationship or not and if not, I just won't get involved. I have a very good idea of what I want in my 'future' partner and I won't 'settle' until I find a woman that has some of those things. Someone that shares my 'core' values and beliefs.

So I guess if picky is the opposite of desperate then yes, that's me. I don't think that I'm tryin' to find a woman that's 'out of my league'. I don't want the super glam, gold digger, trophy chick. I want a 'real' woman that I can actually do 'things' with. Sure, sex is a big part of a relationship but you still have to communicate and 'get along' in all other aspects. I want to find my 'best friend' and build a relationship on that.

So thank God for this movie. It still gives idiots like me at least one ounce of hope that maybe I will find a 'real' woman that "gets me", appreciates me for me and wants to build a friendship with me that will last a lifetime. Yes, I guess I'm a hopeless romantic. "Old Fashioned" sounds kinda lame, I'd prefer to think of myself as "Old School". So I will continue to trudge ahead on this extremely bumpy road until the timing is FINALLY right. Because There Really IS Something About?????

You Were Right On Time!

My how time flies. Hard to believe it's been over two and a half years now since I had a 'chance' encounter with a wonderful person who would forever have an invaluable impact on my life. Of course, I didn't actually know it at the time but believe me when I say that I have never met a stronger, more courageous individual. More than likely, I never will again.

There I was, driving down the busy freeways of LA, 'zig zagging' my way to Irvine. On the agenda, a long day of 'cramming' information into my brain, hoping to retain as much of it as possible. All of this to be better prepared to pass a very important Exam that I was scheduled to take the following week in San Diego.

As the 'classroom' started to fill with people, I had that sick feeling of being back in school again. After so many years, not an overly comfortable feeling to say the least. However it did get better as we all started to 'mingle' and discuss our backgrounds, goals and overall reasons for being there. Basically it came down to the same thing for everyone, to further our Real Estate careers, so it was beneficial to all.

OK, 9:00am and time to get started. Let the lesson begin! For the most part the room was full but over the beginning 5 or 10 minutes of class a few 'tardies' continued to walk through the door and attempted to find an open seat, trying not to disrupt the ongoings. Luckily for me the seat next to mine wasn't taken and as they say, "timing is everything". A young woman that would forever change my life proceeded to sit down in the seat next to me and get settled in.

Now, if I said that when she initially walked in the room my first thought wasn't "Wow, she's beautiful. I hope she sits next to me", then I would be lying. I know that sounds 'superficial' but I'm a guy, that's what we do. However, I had yet to even begin to realize how truly beautiful she is. As the lesson continued we chatted a bit and next thing you know, it's lunch time.

Mustering up all my courage, I asked if she would join me for lunch. Luckily for me, she said yes. Now at this point I was just excited to be having lunch with this beautiful, intelligent young woman. How could I even begin to imagine the impact that this day would have on my life. Neither of us were familiar with this part of town or any of the various 'eateries' that were within our allotted time frame. We drove around a bit, searching for a place to eat and then it dawned on me to call a friend of mine that knew the area and he suggested one of my favorite places, In-N-Out Burger! Could it get any better than this?

Throughout the drive there and as we ate I got to know a bit more about her. Needless to say I was in no way prepared for what I was about to learn. After all, how could I be? By all outward appearances, she is an extremely attractive, very intelligent young woman with a great attitude and personality. What else could there be? Without hesitation or feeling any need to hide anything, she casually says "I was diagnosed with Cancer at age 17. The large amounts of Chemotherapy to fight the Cancer damaged my lungs to the point of needing a Double Lung Transplant. However it was determined that I was not a good candidate for a Lung Transplant, my body could not "handle it" and therefore I was not put on the donor "waiting list"."

Needless to say, to hear this was devastating to me and it absolutely broke my heart. How could this happen to such a precious young lady? With this diagnosis, most would feel it was time to "give up" or as her friends suggested, "Why don't you go on vacation, do some traveling, see the world?" Like I said, 'most' but not her. She decided instead to further her education, attend such prestigious schools as Princeton, Harvard, Stanford and UCLA. All in her quest to prepare herself to pass the BAR Exam. This is just an example of her amazing attitude towards life and all its challenges.

She enrolled in Law School and over the next few years, as she continued her studies her health continued to deteriorate. Low and behold, more testing showed that she could be a Transplant recipient after all and without much time to spare, she received her 'new' lungs and thank Heaven was given the "gift of life". Unfortunately, with such short notice her "donor lungs" were not of optimal 'quality' and 'fit'. Early on her body showed signs of 'rejection' which meant another devastating operation and the removal of one of her lungs. She has continued to battle numerous health issues throughout the years with all the ups, downs and unknowns that one could even imagine having been thrown at her. Yet, through all of this her attitude has not been "Why me?" but instead she chooses to dwell on the positive things in her life. She considers herself blessed and grateful for all of the time she has been given when her future was not always so bright. She is the epitomy of the "glass is half full" type of person, which I admire so much and I honestly believe this has been a big part of her getting where she is today. What I wouldn't give for just half her strength and courage.

She just celebrated her birthday a few days ago, one that she knows was never promised, nor guaranteed and she's just reached another milestone, seven years since her Transplant! None of us are promised anything, there are no guarantees in life. We can only hope that we will wake up to see another beautiful sunrise or to enjoy another full moon on a star filled night. Life is such a precious gift, don't waste it on anger, sorrow and regret. Let go of the past, there's nothing you can do about it but learn from it. And in essence we have no real control of the future. All any of us have is 'right now'. Our attitude is the biggest 'decision' we can make. 'Things' are going to happen, both good and bad but it's our attitude and how we react to those 'things' that will truly determine our lifes path.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm no 'expert' and I surely struggle with this every day but having said that, I am trying my best to remember that my attitude and how I react to adversity are the keys to life. I only know this because I have a very dear friend that faces, on a daily basis, adversity that would crush anyone. Yet she continues to cherish every new day with a feeling of being blessed to have experienced another beautiful sunrise. That's why neither you nor I can ever give up, she wouldn't. You never know 'who' or 'what' is waiting for us just around the corner. Sure, problems arise for everyone and no one is immune to them but you just can't give up. I have been going through quite a few 'struggles' of my own lately, although nowhere near anything she conquers daily but I do my best to think about what she would do and how she'd 'handle it'. Suddenly things become much easier, not easy but easier to deal with.

I truly believe it was I who was blessed that October day. As she struggled to get 'settled in' and 'up to speed' with the rest of class, she whispered to me that she was surprised she was late. She had contacted the instructor to confirm directions, estimated the time it would take to get there, etc. and left home with plenty of time to spare. After all that, "how could she be late"? I only had one response. "You were right on time." A minute sooner, she might have sat in a previously open seat. A minute later, the seat next to me might have already been taken. Either way, I would have been deprived of meeting one of, if not THE most influential and important people I could ever hope to meet. Like I say, I am truly blessed to have met her.

My life changed forever that day. I only wish I could begin to give back to her some of what she has given me. Best of all, she's a 'genuine' friend, through the 'good' and the 'bad'. It's not about what I have or don't have, I know she will always be my friend, no matter what. Unfortunately that seems to be more and more difficult to find in people these days and I consider myself a very lucky person to be her friend. We continue to correspond thru emails, a bit on the phone and I have also been out to her place to spend time visiting with her, yet I have never been able to truly tell her how much my meeting her has meant to me. I can only hope that by her reading this it will help to explain all she has done and continues to do for me. And just how much she means to me. "Annabelle, I Love You and thank you for being my friend."