Ok Santa, this is pretty much it! The last straw. You and I both know that I've truly given it all I have. Nobody could put more positve vibes 'out there' than I have. I've been as patient as humanly possible over these last four years, giving you every opportunity to redeem yourself but you have continued to disappoint me in my time of need.
In fact, disappoint isn't really a strong enough word. These last 3 or 4 Christmas' have been a huge let down to say the least. Perhaps I'm putting too much pressure on you, expecting you to 'over deliver' on your promises.
Now, when I say promises, I guess that's a bit of an overexaggeration. I'm of course basing everything on what I've 'heard' over the years about how much happiness and joy that you've brought into the lives of so many others. Is it wrong for me to want that same happiness and joy? Didn't think so.
Even before we had first officially 'met', I had already heard so much about you that I couldn't wait to meet you in person. All the way to the Mall, I was shakin' with anticipation. I was finally going to meet the Jolly Guy In Red. Good Ol' Saint Nick. The 'real' Superman, the dude that could haul ass all over the world, stopping at everybodys house (Well, at least all the houses where the 'good kids' lived) without waking anybody up and still be back home in time to snuggle with the Mrs. by daybreak. Now that's what I call a true miracle worker.
"C'mon Mom, just park anywhere. I wanna get inside and meet Santa. Heck, just let me out here, I don't care, I just gotta get in there to see him." I mean what's the chance of Santa showing up at J.C. Penneys, especially the one right by my house? And he's here just to see me. How cool is that? I know, right?
That's why I had to get in there ASAP! I wasn't gonna miss this opportunity, no way Jose! How long had I been waiting already, like four or five years? Exactly, my entire lifetime so I wasn't about to wait any longer. Who knew if the 'Red Rider' would ever make it back to my town and I wasn't about to miss him.
Finally, Mom found a parking spot. At least I think she did. I'm not really too sure because as I recall, I was already outta the car and runnin' for the big glass doors of JC Penny before she even stopped the car! I've been to the Mall enough times (to buy fake Levis) to know exactly where 'Pennys' was.
Runnin' on pure adrenaline, past the Food Court (dang, those Corn Dogs smell good but I CAN'T STOP!), hang a left at the Ice Skating Rink (yes, even in So. Cal. we had Ice Skating Rinks. So. Cal. has it all baby!) and around the corner to Santas House. Ok, maybe that last part was a bit 'made up'. I mean c'mon, everybody knows Santa doesn't live at the Mall full time, he lives at the North Pole. He was only doin' a 'Drive By' in Anaheim, just to see ME!
Who could live at the Mall full time anyway? They shut down the Food Court around 9 or 10 at night and so how are you gonna survive without stuff to munch on? Especially Santa because he needs Ice Cream to stay fat and jolly and what a hassle it would have been for him to get Rudolph and the rest of the 'gang' all hitched up just to 'fly' down to 7/Eleven every time he had the munchies. Exactly, not gonna happen. So he had to live at the North Pole, the home of the built in freezer.
Upon rounding the corner, I could begin to see all of the different colored lights flashing and the multi colored ornaments (no, we didn't and still don't call them bobbles. I think only foreigners refer to them that way) everywhere. Woo Hoo, almost there!
What the h. e. double hockey sticks (remember, I was only four or five at the time and wasn't allowed to, let alone didn't even know how to cuss yet) is going on here? What is up with all of these people? Yep, the lineup was insane! So many people in line I couldn't even see Santa from so far back.
But I knew he was 'there' because I could hear his Jolly Ol' Laugh. Sure enough, there's no mistaken that laugh. I had watched enough TV by that point in my life that I knew without a doubt that it was him.
Every year they would have 'special' Christmas Shows on TV that I looked forward to even more than seeing the Wizard Of Oz. Yep, I'd know that laugh anywhere. Even though, as I would come to learn later on it was Burl Ives' laugh and not Santas that I recognized so well. For all I know Burl could have been Santa in a previous life.
Ok, so to the back of the line I went. But I'm not gonna lie, I was pissed! From my understanding (from what my Mom said), Santa was there to see me and ONLY ME! While she might not have said those exact words, no doubt they were implied, whether she meant to or not.
What seemed like hours went by (probably about half an hour but in 'kid time', that's like a week!) and I still wasn't up to the front of the line. But at least by this point I could kinda see Santa sittin' there and what looked like some stupid girl on his lap. WTF? (oh yeah, no cussin', sorry. =}) What was she doin' there, that's my spot. Doesn't she know?
Apparently not. I could sorta hear her rattling off her 'list' of stuff that she wanted for Christmas. Sheesh girl, give it a rest! If he brings you all that stuff, there won't be anything left for any of the rest of us. Now I'm kinda beginning to understand where women get this feeling of entitlement (ooops, probably shouldn't have said that. Of course, I'm just kiddin'. Kinda sorta).
As I begin to tune her out, something else begins to catch my eye. Just off to the side of Santas Sleigh is what appears to be some kinda dog. I can't really make it out but one thing's for sure, it's not moving. Jeez, I hope it's not dead, I like dogs.
But what's really weird is that this dog has a red nose. Now, I'm no dog breeder and I've seen dogs with wet noses before but never one with a Red nose. Right about then, someone taps me on my shoulder and as I turn around, I realize it's my Mom. I had forgotten she was even with me. Well, I guess she wasn't with me until then. I forgot I left her in the parking lot.
So I said "Mom, look at Santas dog, he's got a red nose." To which she replied, "No Bryan, that's Rudolph". And I was like "WTH (dang, I forgot, I didn't cuss at all back then), that can't be Rudolph, he's way too small....and he's not moving....I think he's dead!"
"No Honey (my Mom really loved me), he's just obeying Santa and being a good Reindeer. Santa told him to mind his manners and he's being a good boy. Besides, he needs his rest because he has to do alot of flying around the world on Christmas Eve."
"Well, why doesn't he just lay down and go to sleep?" "Because Sweetheart (did I mention my Mom loved me?), Reindeer are like horses. They sleep standing up." And apparently they sleep with their eyes open too because Rudolph wasn't blinkin'. Not once, I checked. Still not buyin' it, I decided to just let it go.
As one kid after another told Santa how good they had been all year, basically mumbled their entire 'wish lists' to him, had their pictures taken, it was almost my turn. I couldn't understand why half the kids were screamin' and cryin'. Heck, I was all excited to see Santa. Perhaps they were pissed because they were also sold a 'bill of goods' about Santa being there just to see them. Parents say the darndest things.
Ok then, finally it was my turn. But something was strange. As I walked up to Santa, he wasn't anywhere near as fat as I thought he would be. Maybe it's because the screen on the TV added ten pounds to his belly, not really too sure. And I'm not really sure but his beard seemed kinda fake to. I didn't pull on it but it sure looked like it was anyway.
But one thing that was for sure, he wasn't anywhere near as Jolly as I thought he'd be. Nope, in fact as I recall he didn't seem all that happy to see me. Perhaps he was thirsty and needed some Egg Nog? Maybe I should have brought some for him, just in case? Oh well, live and learn.
So about the time his 'Helper Elf', who by the way was way taller in person that I thought he/she/it(?) should have been, helped me to get up on Santas lap, I had already begun to read him my 'List Of Demands' even before he began his "Have you been a good boy" schpeel.
Now, when I say 'read him', I don't mean it literally. Trust me on this one, I didn't need a 'cheat sheet' of any kind. I had been thinkin' about my list long enough to have it wayyyy memorized. I knew exactly what I wanted and he was the guy to make it happen!
Next thing you know, I can hear my Mom sayin' "Smile" and I was instantly 'blinded by the light'. By the light of the flash on the Polaroid camera. Those cameras rocked! You could instantly (ok, within about 3 minutes which in those days was instantly) see your picture once it came out the 'other' end.
Kinda like an Easy Bake Oven, it was pure 'magic' and nobody really knew how it worked (Well, we do now. It's 'cooked' by a light bulb but we didn't know that then, feeling it was better to consider it magic.) but to see your picture basically right away was fantastic. So much better than taking your roll of film down to Thriftys Drug Store and waiting days to get your pictures developed. Although, Thriftys did have Triple Scoop Ice Cream Cones for a quarter so that was the 'bonus' of going there.
Once my eyes readjusted (from the blinding of the flash bulb) and I could walk straight again, it was time to head back to the car. So I said goodbye to Santa and to Rudolph (who STILL wasn't movin' nor was he blinkin').
Oh, what a day this was. I finally got to meet Santa in person and even though he was a bit 'different' than I thought he'd be, at least now I know he's real. And now I know that he knows exactly what I want for Christmas. No way he's gonna drop the ball THIS time.
I know, he's been known to 'mess up' on the order a couple times in the past, sending me 'junk' like sweaters and socks or even worse, those awful Fruit Cakes but no doubt I set him straight this time and no way he's gonna screw it up. Even Santa deserves a Second Chance. After all, he's only human. I think.....
If you can relate to visiting with Santa, I'd enjoy hearing your comments about it below and if you liked this Post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.
