I Just Wanna Cash In On My Passion

Is that so wrong? Too much to ask? It's the age old battle, I would assume pretty much since the beginning of time. How can I spend my days (or nights) doing what I love, following my passions as opposed to spending an entire lifetime following the rest of the sheep, herded along the freeways, taking the safe road to nowhere and not too happy about it.


After all, isn't working at what you enjoy more or less like not working at all? Wouldn't you much rather spend your days with a big smile on your face as opposed to a permanent frown? I know I would, that's for sure.

And when you do something you're passionate about, you end up with a much nicer end result. Such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment from a job well done. Can you just imagine the feeling of never wanting your day to end because you're having so much fun? Only to be surpassed by the relentless amount of sleepless nights, laying there, so amped up thinking about all the things you want to accomplish the next day. Heck, who needs an alarm clock when you never actually fall asleep anyway. Hard to imagine lack of sleep being a 'good thing' but I guess in this case it would be.

No doubt that's the life I wanna live. Knowing that tomorrow is going to be even better than today was. Wouldn't that be the greatest life ever? I'd have to think so.

OK then, now that we know HOW we want our life to be, how to we go about creating the life of our dreams? In essence, how do we cash in on our passion?

First off, we need to identify what it is we are actually passionate about. Basically it comes down to a matter of deciding what it is you'r look forward to waking up and doing every day, rain or shine, regardless of whether or not you were getting paid to do it.

I can name a few things right off the bat. I've always had a passion for Antiques & Collectibles. The thrill of the hunt, the rush of the 'discovery', the interaction with the current 'custodian' as it relates to purchasing the object, overcoming my overwhelming desire to own every rare antiquity on earth & finding a 'new' caretaker and lastly, the 'warm 'n' fuzzies' I get from knowing that my 'find' is on it's way to a new home, increasing the enjoyment of all others that get to view it. And then the process begins again. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose but it never seems to diminish the thrill of the hunt.

Another dream of mine, ever since I wrote my first short story back in Elementary School has been to be a Writer. Most likely fiction but as much as I enjoy writing from my heart, it's entirely possible that I would also dabble in the non fiction genre a bit. As I'm sure you can tell I've never actually taken any writing classes or persued it in any way so perhaps it's the fact that Stephen King and I share the same birthday (NO, not the same year!) that might have something to do with my passion for writing, I'm not exactly sure. One thing's for certain though, I really love Blogging and would truly enjoy taking it to another level.



I'd have to say that the third thing on my 'list' would be painting Murals. My goal would be to learn how to paint Trompe L' O'eil, "Trick Of The Eye" Murals for both indoor and outdoor applications. For those unfamiliar with this style of art, in essence it's creating the realistic feeling of something that although you know darn well it's not really there, it appears so realistic that you have to question yourself as to what you're actually looking at.

This can be as simple as a Faux plaster finish on an interior wall, maybe a 'window' with a view of the vineyard in the distance all the way up to a giant 'hole' in the outside wall of a building, thereby allowing a 'peek' inside at the huge bank vault within, containing all kinds of untold riches.



Of course, all of these scenarios are only limited by ones imagination. Unfortunately, this painting technique requires years of training and as such will have to remain a ways down on my list of 'wannados'. Right next to scowering the oceans of the world in search of sunken Spanish Gallions and Pirate Ships. I'm so enthralled by the thought of uncovering undiscovered treasures, one of a kind artifacts, things that mere money can't buy. I get tingles just thinking about it. I guess I have some sort of an Indiana Jones complex.


So with the last two 'passions' on my list being a bit out of reach (for now) it's still entirely possible that I could make a go of the other two. I'm enamored with history and to be able to travel the globe in search of the 'rarest of the rare', 'only one in existence' type items, with unlimited funding from a long list of interested buyers eagerly anticipating my next 'find' would truly be a dream come true. To peruse thousand year old buildings throughout Europe in search of who knows what and learning everything I can about the countries and their cultures would just be icing on the cake. And then to top it off, if I could write about my adventures along the way. My life truly would be a dream come true.



So with all that being said, now comes the difficult part. How do I go about creating this so called 'dream life'. How do I bridge the 'gap' between following my passions, in hopes of making money rather than merely trying to find something that will keep me afloat for now, another 'quick fix', regardless of whether or not I enjoy it. No doubt it's gonna take a huge leap of faith on my part to even remain focused long enough to give it a shot.

Especially in todays turbulent world, it can be very difficult to risk everything (or in my case what little I have left) to take a chance on living a life full of fun & pleasure. Not that there are any guarantees of making money these days by following a safer, risk free path yet it can still be much more dangerous to climb out on the ledge and take a leap of faith, hoping for a smooth landing.

If you're anything like me, I grew up thinking that work was a necessary evil we were all forced to endure in order to survive. Definitely not something to look forward to, that's for sure. Anything you wanted to do or enjoyed doing would have to be squeezed in 'after' work hours.

Getting over that 'guilt trip' is a challenge in itself. Let alone coming up with a way to monetize my passions. It's no wonder I never attempted this transition to fun and freedom prior to this, it appears to be a road filled with land mines, all of them just waiting to explode.

Should I even allow myself to dream of such a fantasy life, a life of traveling around the world in search of the unknown? An endless list of anxious buyers, eagerly awaiting my latest Blog Post direct from a beautiful white sand beach in Bora Bora, boasting of all my newly found treasures. A life where my biggest problem is where to have these treasures shipped and remembering which bank account in Monaco I want the money to be deposited in. I get the warm 'n' fuzzies just thinkin' about it.


I guess what it truly comes down to is the fact that it's entirely up to me to change my life. To create the life of my dreams. No one else is gonna do it for me, that's for sure. In fact I've come to realize that mentioning to others about how you plan on changing your life for the better only brings out feelings of animosity and then the negativity begins to flow. "How dare you try to enjoy your life when I'm stuck here at my 9 to 5 job, kids, mortgage, car payments, living paycheck to paycheck and no way out." At least from those that still have a 'regular' job, not exactly a gimme in todays economy.

I've always known I wasn't a 9 to 5er, yet I lived that life for many years. It was a miserable existance and one I'm not eager to go back to. I enjoy Real Estate (at least the way it USED to be) but until the RE Market comes back, not much guaranteed income there either. Hmmmm, what is it then that I'm really risking here? No wife, no kids, no mortgage, maybe there really is no better time than now to give this thing a shot. Why not? Why not cash in on my passion? The only thing stopping me....is me.

The Low Road To Soberville

I gotta admit, I expected more. Alot more. After four very long years without beers, I truly thought my life would have done a complete 180 degree U~Turn and I'd be on the Golden Road to happiness. Or at the very least, standing at the gate, waiting for somebody to unlock it so I could start heading down that beautiful road. But alas, no such luck. For all I know, the gate's still locked because I sure as hell can't see it from here.

Now keep in mind this hasn't been four years of 'total' sobriety as I was still doing a bit of 'self medicating' until Aug. 2nd of '06 but I haven't had any alcohol as of March 6th, '06 so it's been four years and no beers. Shouldn't that count for something? Isn't there some kind of a reward for good behavior? Apparently not. At least not one that I can see anyway.

Heck, I know I don't deserve a Gold, Silver or a Bronze but I'd be more than happy to settle for a tin foil or perhaps a plastic Medal. Anything to show that all of this has been worth it in some way or another. But no, nothing to hang around my neck but a noose. And to be honest, that really doesn't seem like much of a reward.

So as I sit here, climbing the walls, trying to remember why on earth I ever decided to get sober in the first place, I really have to concentrate hard on coming up with any way possible to prove to myself that this wasn't just a huge waste of time. I mean c'mon, think of all that partying I could have been doing. What a shame to have missed out on all that.

Not that all the years I spent drinking weren't a huge waste of time but as difficult as it's been for me to not give in to temptation these last few years, I truly do find myself searching for a reason why. Why did I quit? What have I gained?

I have a buddy that continues to drink (among other indulgences) and despite getting a DUI on New Years of '09, losing his Drivers License for a year, various DUI Classes, thirteen weekends of wearing an orange jumpsuit while picking up trash along the freeway and all the other assorted 'fun' that comes along with getting a DUI, I have to admit that at least from my viewpoint, his life doesn't seem that much worse than it was prior to being arrested. He must not think so either since he continues to drink and drive.

Now also keep in mind that he obviously doesn't care how he appears to others or whether or not he makes a complete fool of himself when he's drunk. I mean how could he. He knows very well how ridiculous alcoholics look when they're hammered and he also knows that he always makes a fool out of himself, he still continues to drink.

It's kinda funny how when you're drinking, you think that you have everyone 'fooled' into believing that you're sober but when you truly are sober, it's so obvious when someone else is drunk. Luckily for me I have no desire to look, let alone act like a fool and so I use his 'actions' as an example to remind me of what I don't want out of life and who I don't want to be. That might seem a bit selfish but he's well aware of my using his getting drunk as a brutal reminder of why I don't drink anymore.

In fact, perhaps he should drink a bit more these days because apparently his 'lessons' aren't helping to remind me of the 'evils' of drinking quite as often as I need them to. I'm sure he'd go for that if he could afford it.

Thinking back, I can still remember the main reason I quit drinking in the first place and unfortunately my 'luck' hasn't really changed much in that arena. It's becoming increasingly difficult to depend on that reason alone to keep me on the straight and narrow. I am grateful that I had that inspiration as my original motivation in the beginning. Without that, I wonder if I ever would have stopped.

The only other reminder I have is knowing that I was so miserable that the thought of facing another day without being drunk was absolutely not an option. I'll be the first to admit that I thought about suicide quite often and I'll bet many other alcoholics have pondered that very same thing at some point in their 'careers' but luckily for me, I didn't have the guts to go through with it.


Had I actually followed through with it, I would have missed out on meeting a few of the most incredible women ever. In fact, one very special woman stands out and even though she's no longer with us, she's my Angel up above and I continue to gather strength from her every day. Had I not met her, who knows where I'd be today and for that I will be forever grateful.

I was also lucky enough to 'meet' another amazing woman during these last four years and had I not cleaned up my act, chances are I never would have had the opportunity to do so. I've been impressed by her as far back as the early late '80s or early '90s and as I watched her on tv, even back then I fantasized about our 'dream life' together. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that we would in any way make contact in 'real life' and although I've never met her face to face, the online 'correspondence' that we have shared has had more of an impact on me than she'll ever know. For me it has forged a once in a lifetime bond that I cherish to this day. Yes, I know, chances are she has no idea what my name is or that I even exist but hey, it's my fantasy dammit and if I choose to believe that she has the slightest clue who I am then leave it be, ok? Let me live out my dream.

Not all of my 'opposite sex' interactions have gone perfectly over these last four years but I would have to believe that's kinda par for the course. Regardless of whether or not someone is sober or drunk, not all relationships are gonna work out. That's just life.

But with that being said, I truly have met some incredible women, a few absolute Angels and I consider myself very lucky to have met them. And had I 'packed it in' early, I never would have experienced any of those 'highs'. So there's something to be happy about after all. I guess that IS an improvment.

Apparently what it all boils down to is that rather than try to figure out what good has come from stopping my alcohol intake, perhaps I need to focus more on the unseen trials and tribulations that I unknowingly avoided.

Of course, I can only guess at all of the things that could have gone wrong in my life had I continued on my path to self destruction. Which is more than likely better than having to experience them first hand. So again, maybe that's all the positivity I can take away from this experience.

Is that enough to go on, reason enough to continue forward on this lonely, long ass dirt road to Soberville? I certainly hope so because at this point, it's about all I have to go on and I would hate to add another failure to my 'life resume'. Might cause me to start drinkin' again.

And so whether I want to or not, I'm forced to stay on this path, continuing to wonder whether or not it's the correct thing to do. Worse comes to worst, I can always go back to drinking. There's a Liquor Store on just about every corner and all it takes is a little bit of money.










Heck, if sobriety was that easy, everybody would do it and so I just have to try and look at each day as an adventure, rather than a nightmare. Instead of taking the high road, I guess I'm gonna have to stick with the low road. The low road to Soberville.