I Want My MOJO Back!

Hmmm, can't figure it out. Somehow I lost my MOJO and I have no idea where it went. I have a pretty good idea how I lost it. That's relatively easy to figure out. Heck, I'm sure there are plenty of people out there that have lost theirs recently. You don't even need to watch TV, read the newspaper or go online to know that the economy is hurting these days and it has more than likely affected someone you know. Family, friends, coworkers, perhaps even you yourself have been affected in one way or another. Recession has become another household word.


Unemployment is hovering around 10% but here in So. Cal. it seems more like 25%. For the most part, 'basic' jobs are non existent. The days of walking in to your local auto parts store, grocery store, even a pizza delivery place, plunking down your paper application and at the very least landing a part time job are over and done. Nowadays you pretty much need a PHD to bag groceries. Well, at the very minimum an MBA. There are so many over qualified people out of work these days that it has created a major bottleneck at the door to HR.


Add to that the fact that if companies aren't outsourcing all their job openings, then they are eliminating the jobs all together. When I think about the hourly wage required to survive in this country, it's no wonder businesses are looking overseas for labor. Add to that the taxes, insurance, etc. and it's just off the charts. We just can't afford to hire our own. Not sure how or even if we will ever get back to 'normal', whatever normal is. Been so long since we've seen anything normal around here, if it does show up more than likely we won't even recognize it.


With the general consensus being that the entire country is pretty much in the crapper, no wonder I along with quite a few others have lost our Mojo. Now I define "MOJO" as motivation, drive, desire, pretty much any reason to get out of bed in the morning. A reason to get out there and battle another day, to struggle against all odds, continuing to hope for a better outcome. A better life. When the odds continue to be stacked against us, with no signs of clearing up anytime soon, it's tough to continue forward knowing that it will indeed get better. Difficult to even find a reason to keep trying let alone stay focused on it.


Then I got to thinking about the world and the economy in general. After all I'm sure most would agree that the entire world economy has been affected, not just in the US. With the media continuing to create this feeling that the sky is indeed falling, on everyone, it's no wonder this 'viewpoint' is so wide spread. And being a Realtor, watching the housing market drop off the cliff and into the ocean, a big chunk of the world as I knew it has left the building and more than likely won't return anytime soon.


But let's take a look at this from the other side. So Real Estate, New Constuction, both Residential and Commercial Real Estate in general have gone south right along with the Stock Market. Everybodys 401Ks are worthless, most peoples Portfolios have lost at least half of their previous 'perceived' value. I stress the word perceived here because just as in Real Estate, it's only money once you sell the home or cash in the stock. Until that point it's all play money. So in essence you never really had the money anyway. You were just banking on the rest of the world order following suit which would cause your 'paper' to go up in value. Well, as we all know that didn't happen.


So lets take an overall view of this situation. Even if Real Estate, the Stock Market, Auto Makers and basic Unemployment were all taken into account along with the general slowdown of the economy itself, that still leaves plenty of people out there working. Continuing to bring home a paycheck, paying bills and buying goods and services. The whole world hasn't gone under, just a very large portion of it but it seems much larger than that as the media continues to focus on the bad news, as they always do because as we know all too well, bad news sells better than good news. And if you tell people that things are bad enough times, they will begin to believe it and they will also tell the people around them so that they have someone to commiserate with, someone to feel their pain. Next thing you know, the world is waiting in a big line at the edge of the cliff, ready to jump off.


But hold on here. Just because a very large portion of our population is hurting doesn't mean they all are. I was reminded of this over the last few days as a friend of mine has been going through lots of struggles lately. He's in the constuction trade, a very hard hit segment of our economy. Work for him has been pretty much non existent over the last couple years. When he does find work, he's working for half of what he used to make and begging to get those jobs at that. Competition is very fierce as so many big companies are drastically cutting their labor rates, making it difficult to say the least for the 'little guys' to survive.


Which brings me around to my point. His father bought an old '32 Ford Coupe sometime to prior to my buddy being born. He had hopes of restoring it someday but like many before him, life and his family had to come first and so the project was put on hold.


The car sat covered up in the back yard, just a dream that never came to fruition. His father passed away I believe approx. eight or nine years ago and his mother passed a couple years after that. My buddy 'G' had loved that car since he was a kid and after his mother passed, he was the most likely of the family to ever get it running and so after jumping over a series of family hurdles, it became his. Not having the resources to do it justice, it remained in pieces yet all the while the dream was still there to resurrect it as his father had always hoped to. Imagine the sorrow he recently felt when he finally had to give in and realize that after 50 years, he was going to have to let go of the family dream and sell it. The guilt was overwhelming but money problems and his own dire situation have forced him to have to face a harsh reality, one where survival meant having to let go of a family 'jewel'.


Long story short, the 'new' owner came by with the money last monday, the car and all its parts were loaded up and off they went. Lots of tears were shed as reality sunk in that the dream of restoring it was never going to come true.


He held on as long as he could but yet he couldn't fight the inevitable. All he could hope was that the new owner would do the car justice, restore it the way both 'G' and his father had hoped to. And I have to admit that I truly felt bad for him. I have been involved with antique and classic cars from as far back as I can remember. My father was also a car buff and so I couldn't help but feel his pain as the life long dream of the family was on its way down the street, hopefully to fulfill the dreams of another family elsewhere.


That's when it really triggered me, forced me to realize the guy that just bought this car had just plunked down $20,000.00 without really thinking much about it, with plans of putting another $50K in it! Yes, he plans on having a minimum of $70K in the car. That's alot of mortgage payments, monthly bills and pork 'n' beans. Obviously he's not hurting for money. Come to find out there was another interested buyer in Washington that was ready and willing to purchase the car also, if the 'family friend' decided to back out of the deal. More proof that not everyone in the US is broke.


We continually hear so much about the demise of the economy, how the recession has a grip on the whole country so that the thought of another person having any money just seems purely absurd. And yet, here are two gentlemen that have obscene amounts of money, money that they have no problem spending on 'toys' or whatever else they decide they want. And so it got me to thinking, "I wanna be like them!" I want to be in a position to be able to do what I want, when I want and not have to be able to worry about not having a dollar to do it. Now, I myself have never stopped thinking about money since over the last couple years I have more or less lost everything but more recently what I had lost was the desire to fight, to go out and get mine! Sure, that's a lofty dream and I realize that everyone more or less has that same dream but I also know that many of us have gotten so wrapped up in the demise of the world that we have lost all hope, any sort of faith that there truly is a way out of this mess. A way of living a much better life, for our families and for ourselves.


So with this little scenario playing out more or less right in front of me, it surely opened my eyes to the fact that there is still hope out there. I'm a firm believer in the ol' saying, "If one man can do it, so can another" and so I am going to do my best to stay focused on that, to keep my eyes on the prize because one thing's for sure, I'm in it to win it and if I don't keep trying, I'll never get there. I have a feeling that more than likely I'm gonna find my Mojo again as well. Matter of fact, I'll bet it's right around the corner.

On The Other Side

Wow, I am all over the place these days. I have so many thoughts running through my brain, 24/7, that I can't seem to get a grip anymore. So many things pulling me in different directions that I'm just spinning in circles like a top. Well, more like a 'Whirling Dervish'. In real life, I think dervishes are Egyptian dancers but I remember the cartoon version, pretty much a monster spinning out of control, only stopping long enough to get it's bearings and then it's back to spinning its brains out. I don't think it's necessarily a 'bad' thing but it wasn't exactly pretty! More or less just a mess of energy spinning out of control, which is exactly how I feel these days.


At the end of each day I attempt to take a semi inventory of all the things that I accomplished on my 'To Do' list, hopefully checking a couple things off. Even if it's just one thing off the list, at least that's one less thing to tackle the next day. Unfortunately I think I'm beginning to see a pattern here. For some strange reason my list continues to get longer, not shorter. Hmmm, what's wrong with this picture? Isn't the list supposed to get shorter as I tackle each item? Apparently not as it appears that I while I am checking one thing off, I'm adding two in its place. Next thing you know, instead of throwing my freshly checked off list in the trash, I have a new list with even more items sitting right on top of the old one. Talk about overwhelmed, you have no idea. I can't even begin to explain how much 'junk' I have running through my head these days.


My life is in such turmoil, so many decisions I need to make but yet I'm wrapped up in 'paralysis by analysis' and so I continue to bury myself deeper and deeper in this man made hole that I have created for myself. Yes, I realize it's my own doing and yet I seem to be unable to think clearly enough to climb my way out of it. How is that possible? Not that I haven't always had lots of stuff on my mind, continually creating new ways to attempt to move forward in my life, searching for new trails to blaze, finding new avenues in which to travel down 'lifes path' yet I was seemingly able to put my feet on the ground once in awhile and at least tackle one or two things here and there. Now it seems as if I am continually sliding backwards, climbing a frozen waterfall with flip flops on, never quite getting enough traction to move ahead but hanging on by squeezing my toes together as hard as I can and digging my toe nails into the ice for every bit of traction I can find. Jeez, I'm worn out just thinking about it. No wonder I feel so constantly overwhelmed, I'm in 'emotion overload mode' and that's not good for productivity. Just not a good way to live life in general.


How am I ever gonna get back to a normal pace? One where I can look at each 'obstacle' objectively, 'taking action' rather than 'reacting to' each situation as it occurs. While I do my best not to think about what 'could' happen, what 'might' go wrong, it's not always as easy as it seems. Sure, there are always bumps in the road but to plan on them doesn't do a bit of good. I know that as well as anybody but yet I still tend do it. Maybe it's because I continue to get daily reminders of how much my life currently sucks. I firmly believe that living in the present is very important to our outlook on life and the choices we make for our future. The past is the past and there is nothing we can do about it. That's all fine and dandy. But I have so much trouble believing that the worst is over and that there are going to be better days ahead. I know better than to say it just can't get any worse because as we all know, instantly something else will happen and sure enough, things just got worse. I guess that's why I have so much trouble believeing that I have truly hit rock bottom. That it's ok to finally look toward a brighter future. It's because I know damn well that there is more crap to come, more things that are gonna do their very best to knock me down and keep me there.


As I look back on the last three or four years, I've had tons of stuff thrown my way that at the time I had no idea how I was gonna survive them, let alone move forward. Heck, most of the time I didn't wanna make it through as I knew darn well there was more crap waiting right around the corner. And yet, somehow here I am. Couldn't begin to tell you how I got through each dilemma but yet I did, well enough to face the next nightmare. Not sure if that's good or bad, it just is. And I also realize that everybody goes through crap in there lives, devastating situations that surely tear at their heart and make them question themselves, their thoughts, their beliefs and yet they go forward as well. So I guess that's what I'm gonna have to do. I'm going to have to continue trudging down this long and winding road to who knows where, to who knows what, for reasons unknown. I'm not a quitter, just too stupid I guess or maybe I'm just so afraid of failing that I can't give up. Not sure I could really live with myself if I did give up so in essence, that's not an option. Perhaps I'm just a glutton for punishment, some sort of sadist and I have this secret passion for pain. No, I don't think that's it. I truly do want to be happy and that's what keeps me moving forward with the hopes that someday things will get better. That I will find a woman that loves me, a career I'm passionate about and truly live the life of my dreams. Yet with every disappointment, every let down it becomes increasingly more and more difficult to remain focused on a better future.


I guess that's where the past can play a big part in our future. Knowing that we have tackled the same crap already, that unsurmountable mountain of stuff that at one point was a 'no way am I gonna make it through' and now here we are on the other side of that hill from hell, looking at a new nightmare. A new 'disaster' that we have to find some way, at all cost to make it through. They say that every problem is just another opportunity to learn something new, about ourselves and what we're made of and that these so called opportunities will only continue to make us stronger. Well, to be honest, I'm getting kinda tired of all this learning and I'm pretty much ready to just ditch class from here on out. Haven't I learned enough 'lessons' to last me for the rest of my life? Aren't I strong enough by now? The way it's looking, apparently not.


So it's off to the 'mental gym' I go, learning to face new hurdles in my life, climb new mountains from hell, all in the hopes that the life of my dreams is waiting for me, on the other side.

Attitude IS Everything!

Today was one of those days that I just couldn't seem to get motivated, focused on anything, couldn't seem to move forward. I'm sure you've had them before, I would have to think we all have at one point or another. So many things on my 'To Do' list and none of them were anything I wanted to do so that made things seem even less productive.


First off, I needed to take care of some overdue bills and anyone that is remotely familiar with my situation these days will know that that's easier said than done. The collapse of the Real Estate Market has more or less wiped me out, to say the least. And finding a 'regular' job of any sort has been equally as difficult. Not that I've completely given up on finding one but it has caused me to look in other directions for a source of income. Combine all that with my currently very shaky living 'situation' and it all adds up to many sleepless nights. In fact, I saw a friend of mine yesterday that commented on how tired I looked. Normally this would kinda bug me but I couldn't argue with her, I can't remember the last time I slept more than four hours straight and it's been years really since I had a good nights sleep. But lately it's just been really out of control. Just so much on my mind that my head just won't stop thinking about anything and everything, all night long.


So after looking at the numerous emails sitting in my Inbox, I chose to tackle a few other things instead. Let's see if we can take care of a few of these other bills. Postpone this, payment plan on that, ignore these, put this one, no these three on hold 'till next week and so on and so forth. Down the list we go. Let's make a few calls here and see what I can do about a few others that have been haunting me. "Hmmm, what's goin' on here? Is something wrong with my Cell phone?" No dial tone. Turns out it's been shut off for lack of payment. Can they do that? I guess they can, because they did. Sweet, add the $36 reactivation fee on top of it and looks like a great way to start the day. NOT!


Ok, so got my phone back in action but of course that meant another bill had to go on the 'postpone 'till next week' list. Hmmm, who can I put off 'till later that I haven't already put off until now which is actually later considering it was originally overdue such a long time ago? Jeez, no wonder my head is swimming. How am I ever gonna catch up? I'm so far behind now, it's not lookin' good. But I'm not a quitter and so I just have to keep going forward, one stupid bill at a time until somehow they are all paid off. Eventually I'll catch up, just gotta continue to believe.


And that's when I got to thinkin'. Thinking about a quote that I used to have posted on the wall above my computer, next to my Vision Board. Yes, I keep a Vision Board because it helps me to stay focused on my goals, what I plan on achieving in my life. Hmmm, now where'd it go, what could have happened to it? Since I lost my Condo a few months ago, I've kinda lost track of alot of 'things' as I wasn't given much notice and so I was forced in to a rather hasty move. Then it occured to me that at some point I had saved it in a folder on my computer. But where? A little bit of searching and voila, there it was.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a Church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are all in charge of our Attitudes."

I don't have any idea who to credit with writing it, somebody famous I assume but as I read it [for the 1000th time] I slowly began to remember why I liked it so much. I instantly began to feel rejuvinated, refocused. Moving away from the 'bad stuff' of the day and heading off in another direction. More of a positive direction, a feeling of new hope, that perhaps it's ok to look forward to a brighter future. There will always be bills, bumps in the road, that's just a part of life and that will never end. But maybe I will have a way of tackling them a bit easier, all while I'm living a life I enjoy, a life I'm passionate about. The life of MY dreams.


I mean, who's to say I can't? While others can and will try to keep us down, hold us back from living our lives as we see fit, it's up to us to truly be happy or not. Only we can hold ourselves back from our burning desires. No one else knows what we want out of life and so it's up to each one of us to get out there, follow our dreams and to travel the life path of our choosing. Like they say, this is no dress rehearsal, no practice session. This is our one and only chance to truly do everything we ever wanted and to live our lives without regrets.


So, like Tim McGraw was singing this morning on the Today Show, "Live like you were dying" and to be honest, I couldn't agree more. Attitude is everything.

TEXTING SUCKS!

What ever happened to having an actual face to face conversation? Remember, the kind of thing where you can actually hear the other persons voice? Whether on the phone or in person, a true interaction between two or more people, where thoughts and ideas can be exchanged. Where emotions can be put forth, both good and bad, which could actually lead to a further understanding of each persons thoughts and feelings.


Texting isn't even a decent excuse for a conversation. Not by a long shot. Five or six words back and forth and to make matters even worse, most of those are 'half words', 'textonics', just a bunch of stupid abbreviations that add up to a complete desecration of the english language. Come to think of it, a massacre of ANY language.



All of this supposedly in the interest of saving time? Well, if you're anywhere near as 'textually challenged' as myself, it takes five times as long to attempt to spell your thoughts out in a text than it ever would have taken to just come right out and say it. And without any 'emotion' to go along with your words, it's just a guessing game as to what the 'sender' was even attempting to say. Not to mention the fact that by the time I'm ready to send my reply, three more texts have come through and so the response that took me ten minutes to get typed and ready to send is no longer even relevant. If I hit send at this point, the usual response is 'WTF?'. Even worse is when a call comes in at the same time and then you're totally screwed! Complete loss of all contact, screen 'flips over' to something else entirely and then you have to start all over.



Of course, all this leads to a full on battle. "Oh no, that's not at all what I meant. Scroll back up about five or six lines and you'll see that this is the answer to THAT question." All that BS that gets completely out of control, out of nowhere. It's no friggin' wonder the divorce rate is so high in this country. Nobody can understand what the heck anybody is trying to say and with all the misunderstandings and the hurt feelings along the way, it's easier just to get a divorce than it would be to go through any more texting 'crap'.



Instead of 'tennis elbow', we will start to see all of our hospital emergency rooms filled with people suffering from 'texting thumbs', our insurance rates will skyrocket, taxes will be raised to cover all of the people out of work on disability and we will be living in a society where no one even speaks to one another. Now, some might think this would be a 'dream come true', but not me. I myself miss the 'good ol' days' of sitting down and actually having a face to face conversation, especially with a beautiful woman.



Call me 'old fashioned' and 'out of touch', that's fine but until I can actually 'feel' a hug and a kiss thru my iPhone or 'see' the look in a womans eyes on my QWERTY keyboard when she says "I Love You", I'll take a 'real' conversation any time!

I'm Back In The Game!

Well, I became a bit more enlightened over the weekend. Somewhat of an 'epiphany' if you will. I came to the realization that I have been doing exactly what I continually suggest that others guard against at any cost. Rather than live my life to the fullest, enjoying every moment as if it could be my last I have been living in a 'cave', living in fear of being hurt again. Even though I know darn well that's no way to live, I find that I am doing exactly that and for far too long.



Somehow I have let the fear of another broken heart stop me from taking chances and experiencing all that life has to offer. Life is so short and none of us are guaranteed to see another sunrise, another 'tomorrow', yet here I am wasting my life away being afraid to feel pain again. Like they say, without the bad how would we know when life is good? This 'fear' has caused me to lose sight of my goals, my dreams, my desires only to live my life in a 'box' where no woman could hurt me again. Now, those of you that have also lived in this 'cave' know as well as I do that it's not exactly 'pain free'. It's down right miserable in there. Matter of fact it just plain sucks and it's full of loneliness and despair, even kinda hard to breathe. When you have your heart broken as often as I have over the past few years, it causes you to not want to take any more chances of that ever happening again. Yet, if you don't take chances, you will never have a heart filled with happiness and joy. So in essence, you will still be miserable.


I have never considered myself a 'quitter' in any sense of the word. In fact, over the last few years I have come to realize that I have tons of willpower. I mean, who'd a thunk it? I have also been known to take things to the extreme, 150% overboard, to the max and beyond. Therefore, "How could this have happened to me, the 'King of Extreme'?" How did this fear of rejection, betrayal and letdown get it's ugly grip on me? I can usually 'mingle' with the best of 'em and I'm rarely intimidated by beautiful women, yet I have found myself so afraid of the pain that I have been almost paralyzed with fear. I'm not exactly sure how it got ahold of me but I can tell you that it did. I recently had my heart broken and believe me, the pain and heartache are still very severe but yet the thought of never finding true love seems to be just as painful and so no more living in a 'cave', that's it for me! I gotta get back in action, living every day as if it could be my last. NO REGRETS!!! Like I always say, "the only regrets you'll ever have are the risks you didn't take." That's my mantra and somehow I have lost track of that.



Sure, I could get my heart broken another hundred times or so but I'll have to take that risk if I ever hope to find my true love, the love of my life, my one and only life partner. Which of course is what most of us want. With all my heart I want a special woman, not 'perfect', just 'perfect for me'. A woman to spend the rest of my life with and if I don't get out there and try, I'll never find her. I know she's not gonna come knockin' on the entrance to my 'cave', that's for sure. Besides, she has such beautiful hands and if she tried knocking on the door to my cave, she just might break a nail and I don't want that to happen. Manicures ain't cheap these days and I'm sure she just had her nails done, that's the kind of woman she is.


Yes, there are those that say just as soon as you stop looking, love will appear. When and where you least expect it. They say that I'm trying 'too hard'. Well, I've tried both ways, searching and not searching. Neither have brought me much luck but both are just about equally as painful. So in essence, what have I got to lose? Sometimes you just have to take big chances if you want big rewards. It's definitely scary, all those 'crazy' women out there ready to step all over my heart but it's the risk I gotta take. So it's back to putting my heart out on the 'chopping block', risking lots of pain for a lifetime of pleasure. Step aside all you goofballs and wannabes, all you guys that pose as 'real' men. Looks like I'm Back In The Game! Wish me luck... I'm probably gonna need it.

Hmmmm, what's that smell?

Last night was pretty much like most nights over the last few months. Stayed up too darn late, gotta [well, supposed to anyway] get up early tomorrow, guess I better hit the hay but I'm still havin' a ton of trouble sleeping. Now, even though I live next door to Larry The Cricket Farmer, unbeknownst to him I've been doing a good job of 'thinnin' out his herd. I've come to learn that it was mostly those pesky males makin' all the 'racket' so I put up a bunch of 'Free Beer Over Here' signs to round 'em up and then I let the bug sprayer do its 'magic' on 'em. And so now I'm down to just a bunch of well behaved females on the 'back forty' [Larrys rear patio] and this has made for much better sleepin'. I have always preferred to sleep with my windows open, allowing the fresh air in rather than in 'lock down' mode, with the windows closed and the A/C kickin' on and off all night long. Of course, this only applies to when I'm alone. If I have a 'friend' over, it's mandatory A/C on all night in the summer. As we all know, when mama's happy, everybody's happy and we all sleep better.


I woke up a couple times throughout the night, as usual but was able to get back to sleep without much trouble because for the most part that insanely irritating noise from those damn crickets has been eliminated. Oh, I still have a few of the guys that 'jump the fence' tryin' to get at all those women crickets [hey, guys will be guys regardless of species] but they are much easier to identify and remove one at a time rather than when they are in a herd. Especially now since they usually have a red plastic cup full of beer in their hands and they're walkin' kinda funny.


Then, without warning, it happened! I was awakened at about 6am, still semi dark out, to a very strange sound indeed. "What is that noise", I asked myself. UH OH, sounds like water running, "Do I have a leak somewhere in the house?" This recently happened to a friend of mine and so my first thoughts went to her shoes floating around the room. I jumped out of bed, realized my feet weren't wet and so that was a good sign. Then it dawned on me, it's raining outside! Just as I peered through the blinds, POW! The sky lit up with a giant bolt of lightnin'. Then a few seconds later, CRAAAAACCCKKKK, the deafening sound of thunder radiated throughout the valley.


Finding it difficult to contain my excitement, I opened the blinds completely and the screen door to run outside and check it out. It was then that I realized I was still naked [yes, I sleep naked] and that perhaps I should contain my excitement long enough to go back inside and put some shorts on, THEN go outside to enjoy the festivities. It was still dark out and the only 'women' around were the crickets, so no harm was done by my overzealous behavior.


Wow, what a spectacular show. I just love the thunder storms in the desert. Especially when it's relatively dark outside. The lightning looks incredible peeking out between the clouds, just amazing. Some of the 'bolts' seem to land on rooftops off in the distance. I don't actually know for sure where [or if] they touch down but thankfully it's not as close as it seems. Then, almost as quickly as 'it' arrived, the storm seemed to move on across the desert to 'brighten' someone elses morning. Realizing it's the weekend, way too early to get up, I might as well try to get another couple hours sleep. Back to bed I go.


Managed to pull off another hour or two of blissful slumber and then the ol' inner body alarm clock [self imposed guilt trip] says it's time to get up. As I started about my day [turned the computer on, made some coffee, the usual] that's when it hit me. "Ooooohhhhh, what's that smell?" Semi familiar but yet strange, hard to place it. I know I've smelled it before but not sure when or where. All of a sudden it comes to me, that's the smell of the desert after a good soakin'! An odd mixture of ingredients that all seem to come together into an intoxicating elixur of good feelings. Not sweet, not sour, more of a 'new and improved' type of smell. Very difficult to describe but it brings to mind [for me anyway] a feeling of a 'fresh start'. A brand new day, a new beginning.


Wow, maybe today's the day? Who knows what could happen? Maybe today's the day I meet Ms. Right? Get that incredible new job!! Gotta dream big, right? Adios negativity, I don't have time for your crap! Everything just seems more positive and 'brand new'. Then I said to myself, "Thank you rain, I needed that." I was definitely in need of a 'refresher course' to help remind me of all I have to be positive about and grateful for, that 'attitude of gratitude'. My eyesight, to see the lightning through the clouds. My hearing that enables me to hear the 'crack' of the thunder. My legs that enable me to run outside [next time I'll be sure to put my shorts on first], all those things and more.


So this is for everyone out there searching for a reason to be grateful, a 'fresh start' of sorts, a reminder that today is the first day of the rest of their lives. Just take a walk outside, really take a look around you and I believe you'll see just how beautiful this world really is. Mmmmmmm, what a wonderful smell....

Larry The Cricket Farmer

Until I moved to the desert I had no idea they even existed, these so called 'Cricket Farmers'. They go about town throughout their day seemingly unnoticed, hidin' under the radar. Extremely hard to spot, they wear no hats, gloves or 'uniforms' of any kind for that matter. Yet, I know they exist.


I'm not quite sure where they get their 'training', perhaps Cricket "U" but I have yet to see any license plate frames or stickers advertising such schools nor of the Alumni that would come from such institutes of higher learning. But here again, they must exist because my neighbor Larry surely must have gone to school to perfect his 'craft'. Either that or he has a 'gift' born through generation after generation of Cricket Farmers.


After all, how else could one human being house so many crickets on one patio. Strange thing is, I have yet to see any type of feeding 'apparatus' or 'living quarters' for these crickets. Anything at all that would prove that this 'Farm' actually exists, yet come nightfall it becomes painfully obvious to the ears that yes, I live next door to a Cricket Farm.


Oh, don't be fooled such as I have. By day he's a mild mannered Pharmacist at the local grocery store but I know his true talents lie elsewhere, in the field of Cricket Farming. It must be his calling as he definitely has a 'knack' for it. No other way to explain it. When asked about his 'herd', his only reply is to say "It's a Gift, they are just drawn to me!" I'll say they are. By the millions!


Perhaps he could be considered more of a "Cricket Whisperer" than a farmer. I'm not exactly sure but one thing I am sure about is that it takes a special talent to attract the amazingly vast amounts of crickets to ones patio that he does. Lucky for the rest of you, he's a rare breed indeed. I would hate for others to live next door to such a relentlessly never ending noise factory.


So, next time you're driving down Hwy. 111 or in line at your local Big 5 Sporting Goods store buying ear plugs, keep in mind that you could be right next to one of the rarest species out there, the Cricket Farmer.

WANTED: Time Machine

I want a do-over! To go again. To live my life over and do it right, the second time. Well, at least different than I have up to this point. We've all heard the popular saying, "If I only knew then what I know now, I'd do it all so differently" or something to that effect. Good ol' hindsight, most definitely 20/20. While it would still require implementing this experience gathered from a lifetime of good and bad choices, for the most part no one wants to make a mistake or make the wrong choice on purpose. Unless of course, you're hungry for negative attention and abnormally high stress levels.


So as I tried to figure out how I was going to go back in time and re-live my life, first thing I did was go to Google. Hmmm, what keywords should I try first? Time Machine? Nothing showed up. Time Travel? Still nothing. Re-Do my life? Nope, nothing again. Undo and remove all my lifes regrets and live the life of my dreams? Strike four! No decent returns to speak of, just some pics and quotes from the movie "Back To The Future" which we all know that being a movie, more than likely it's not exactly reality. Looks like no matter what, I wasn't gonna be able to go back in time and undo all the mistakes I've made. All the regrets I have can't be erased as easily as I had hoped and so I will have to look at them as learning experiences rather than mistakes. And maybe I can use these experiences to allow me to make bigger strides forward rather than baby steps.


Hmmm, so how do I go about living with myself, my life 'as is', from this day forward? Since the past is the past, over and done, shouldn't I just let it go and move on? As we all know, that isn't always as easy as we might think. But while I still suffer repercussions in my life from previous events, circumstances and decisions, there truly isn't much I can do about it at this point. As far as the future is concerned, I have little influence over that as well. Of course, keeping in mind the decisions I make today can have somewhat of an effect on my future, I can't focus all my attention there either as that will not allow me to give the proper amount of focus on my 'NOW'. And after all, isn't today the most important day of all? Heck, it better be. It's the first day of the rest of our lives and to be honest, it deserves the majority of our focus.


Ok then, since we are starting from right now, how can we live the rest of our lives with a better result, a more pleasing outcome? Keep in mind that this is assuming that you would like to change a few things from your past, have another chance to make a few different choices in your life. Now, I would have to think that there are some people out there that are 110% satisfied with everything in their lives, all their choices and decisions worked out exactly as they had planned and all the results were everything they had expected. But chances are, if that sounds like you and your life, more than likely right now you are on the beach in Tahiti or looking out over the Mediterranian from the patio of your villa in Greece and not reading my blog. But for the rest of us 'normal folk', there has to be at least one or two things that we would like to change about ourselves and our lives, provided we could.


Then I began to think about time itself, all the time that has gone by and more specifically as it relates to age. Is it too late for me to change my life? A friend of mine had recently made a comment to me regarding my age, as it related to a specific situation and how my age would cause me to look at things differently than she does. In essence, it involved something to the effect of "remember back when you....." Basically involving how old I am in comparison to her. I'm sure she meant no harm whatsoever and had no idea that it would even have any effect on me at all but it definitely got me to thinking. And when I start thinking, that ususally leads to trouble because that's when I start writing. As we all know, age is a relative thing. Others like to say that age is just a number and while I would like to believe in that one a bit more, I have to admit I have trouble wrapping my head completely around it. While I certainly realize that there are plenty of people in this world that are younger than I am, on the other side of that I would have to think that there are others out there that are older than myself. Ok, so many of these people are in Assisted Living facilities but they are still older than I am nonetheless. While I do have quite a bit of experience, I'll be the first to admit that I forgot to grow up, still feeling as if I'm 18 but unfortunately that isn't reality. However, I can't get behind the mindset that it's too late to change my life, too late to live the life of my dreams.


Therefore, I will continue to blaze a new trail, a new life path, continuing to manifest the life of my dreams. After all, it's up to me to build the life that I want to live. No one else can nor will do it for me and more than likely, they would have no idea what I want for my life and all I hope to get out of it anyway. So again, it's up to me to make it happen. That's not to say that I'm not interested in any input from 'outside' sources. Perhaps, as I write this there is a rocket scientist of sorts, an 'Astronaut Farmer' as it were, a true entrepreneur tinkering away in a barn somewhere out in the midwest, putting the finishing touches on his [or her] Time Machine. I'm open to hearing about someone that fits this description so if anyone out there knows somebody like this, please feel free to leave me a comment in the box below. I'll make sure to get back to you immediately, if not sooner.


But until that day comes, all I can do for now is to just move forward in my direction of choice, doing my best to learn from my previous decisions, both good and bad, reaping the benefits from the few smart decisions that I've made and learning from the mistakes I've also made along the way. Most importantly though, continuing to stay laser focused on creating a better future for myself, a life of my dreams. So if you happen to see a guy in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, sitting outside a small Cafe in Paris, typing away on his laptop, come on over and say Hi. It just might be me.

Wut, learn from me? Heck, I'm no Guru!

I've been 'socializing' on the various Social Media Sites for just about a year now. Matter of fact, that actually seems a bit strange to me as it feels like it's only been a few months but as I look back, I guess I started some time around October of 2008. I never really took it too seriously, in fact prior to that I just thought of those Sites as another form of texting for the younger 'textheads' out there. Certainly nothing that I would be interested in getting involved with, that's for sure. I used the internet for Real Estate stuff, as I'm a Realtor but never looked into it beyond that.

But through a series of odd circumstances, I ended up sending an online response to an article that was printed in our local newspaper along with being posted on the newspapers website. Why this was important to me brings up an entirely different story and one that I'm sure I'll elaborate more on in the future but let's just say that I wanted to let my opinion of the situation be known. So after 'signing up' for the Newspaper Site, which was required of me before I could post my comment, I let my opinion be known to whomever else might have been 'out there' and wanted to take the time to read it.

Then the strangest thing happened. Somebody actually responded to my response. Well, let's just say they commented on my reply. Low and behold, they agreed with me. And as I'm admittedly very opinionated and feel strongly about what I believe in, it definitely made me feel good to know there were 'others' out there that shared my opinions. Next thing you know, a few more replies came in. Not all in agreement with each other but I must say I was surprised at how many people actually read this stuff and felt compelled enough to add their $.02 to the conversation. I enjoyed the banter back and forth between all the interested parties.

That's when it dawned on me. There was an entire world of people on the Internet and sure enough, they had actual thoughts and opinions of their own. Actual adults, not just 'textophiles' but grown ups with intelligence and wit, all wanting their voices to be heard. All of a sudden I began to feel like I belonged. Not quite sure what I belonged to but in essence it was a group of friends, a community of sorts. Great thing about it, they all came from different backgrounds and had varying reasons for being involved, yet there seemed to be some kind of comraderie between them. Which added to the long list of topics in which they felt compelled to respond, to voice their opinions. Which only added to the possibilities of interaction and the chances to learn and grow. To begin to see things through the eyes of others. I've always felt that it's never to late to learn and this surely was going to be a great way to do just that.

As time went on, I got a bit more involved with the group. The online community of people that wanted to express themselves. Even going so far as to attend a 'meetup' of sorts, a get together just to gab over a cup of coffee. It was great to put actual faces to the online 'personalities' that I had interacted with through my computer monitor. Some held close to what and who I had imagined them to be but for the most part I would have to say the overall group were nothing like I had imagined. Definitely an eye opening experience and proof positive that the old adage still holds true. "Don't judge a book by it's cover."

So as time went on, I continued to let my opinions and thoughts on various subjects be known. And as I have always had a desire to express myself and my thoughts through my writing, I must say that I enjoyed it more and more as time went on. As feedback began to come in, both positive and negative, I began to feel more comfortable putting my feelings 'out there', letting others interact and express their feelings as well. And as I mentioned earlier, with my always wanting to be a writer, my posts began to get longer and longer. That's also when I began to notice the difference between my posts and others that I had been reading. Mine were double and sometimes triple the amount of words as others and I was already doing my best to shorten mine while still keeping them ledgible. Like it or not, I was outgrowing this Site.

That's about the time one of my new found 'friends' suggested I check out MySpace. Perhaps it was a hint ot kinda 'get lost', not really sure. That Site would allow me to Blog to my hearts content without having to 'shrink' my thoughts down in order to fit in. Now, from what I had heard about MySpace, which admittedly wasn't [and isn't] much, wasn't this just another 'teen friendly' Site where kids hang out? It never dawned on me that there might actually be adults on there, let alone a place to blog. But since I had never even actually looked at the site, I thought I'd take the advice of others and check it out. Wow, was I surprised at what I found. Turns out I even found some real life friends that were on that site.

And so I began to explore more, learn more and post more. It was a great beginning for me as it allowed me to write to my hearts content without feeling as if I had to restrict my writing to a certain length or topic. Now, I can't actually say I was fully free to write as much as I wanted. For some reason I always feel the need to shorten my stories in order to keep my readers 'hanging on' with interest, yet the spectrum of topics is limitless.

Another thing I really liked about that site was the ability to 'customize' my profile with different themes, widgets, sayings, music playlists and all sorts of gadgets which allowed my personality to show through. I have to say that that was my favorite part of the MySpace experience. I had never looked at MySpace as a Biz Opp of any sort, just as a way to express myself, to get things off my chest. Turns out along the way I actually made a few friends. Unfortunately, as much as I'd like to say that all the connections I made worked out great, just as in 'real life' they didn't and for the most part that is what eventually drove me away from MySpace. Just too many bad memories, too many heartbreaks and for the most part I only log in there every few weeks or so just to update my status. I don't delete my profile as I can't seem to come to grips with letting it go but I would have to think I will in the near future. I have found other outlets for my blogging, my videos and as it doesn't seem to be the huge Biz Opp lead generator that it once was [or at least I'm told it was], it's usefulness will surely come to an end in the near future.

But while I was on MySpace, I'd heard about Facebook and You Tube. Even more recently, I began to hear about a Site called Twitter. Of course from what I'd heard of these sites, I surely had no interest in them whatsoever. Keep in mind that at that point I had no desire to explore any type of an online business. But as 'things' have continued to happen in my life and my entire future has been wiped out, I began to look further into other avenues of making a living. Which have of course forced me to begin to explore other methods including working online leading me to further explore these and other Social Media sites. Not to say that I've learned a whole lot but I'd like to think that I know more about the internet and some of its online 'neighborhoods' than I did eight months ago. And had I gone in to it with more focus on the business aspect of these sites, just a better focus in general, it's a given that I could have learned a whole bunch more.

Which brings me back to my original thought, the main reason that I began writing this post which is how on earth did this person get the crazy idea that they would have the slightest thing at all to learn from me? Well, nothing much except learning not to make the same mistakes I've made in my life. But heck, to be honest I'd truly enjoy knowing that I had helped somebody live their life with even one less regret than I currently live with in mine. Now as far as my having any useful knowledge, new found knowledge of something that is applicable in todays world, a relevant 'nugget' of sorts that I could pass along to help someone get a bit further ahead either on the internet or just in life in general, I have to say that would really be great if that was the case.

And that's when it dawned on me. Perhaps I'm not the last person to discover the internet. Maybe I'm not the last one off the Titanic searching for a 'life boat' of sorts, a new direction and a new way of thinking. I seem to always have the feeling that I'm late, the last in line, the last person to board the train. That life has somehow passed me by. But maybe it's different this time, maybe I'm not last? I have no idea what the exact statistics are but I read somewhere that there are lots of new people jumping on board the Internet train daily, exploring all kinds of avenues. Not just biz related opportunities but connecting, socializing in general, looking for answers to questions and like minded people with which to connect.

So maybe, just maybe I do have something to offer someone out there. A 'nugget' of some sort that I can share that just might help someone to get started on their journey, move a bit further along on their life path. A piece to someone elses puzzle. I'm not quite sure yet exactly how I'm gonna do that but I would have to think that if I continue my blogging and online socializing, something will eek out of me that will resonate with another like minded individual and who knows where that could lead. Could be a friend tells a friend and so on. Before you know it, woo hoo, I've actually helped two people. Then it's just a snowball from there. Next thing you know, I'm writing novels, doing book tours, seminars all over the country. Heck, what's to stop me? Why not all over the world? I dream of being able to tavel the world and what better way to accomplish that than enjoying what you're doing while out exploring everything this wonderful world has to offer. Even crazier, what if you actually end up becoming one of those so called 'Gurus', those imaginary people that the masses turn to for guidance? Ok, I admit that part is a bit far fetched but heck, if you're gonna dream, might as well dream big!

So what ever it is that motivates you, that drives you to search for ways to improve yourself and your life, just put yourself out there. Be proactive, don't be afraid to take action because without action there can be no results, no possibility of change. And who knows, you too might have a new found friend, someone you never knew existed let alone ever expected to 'meet', that is willing to listen to what you have to say and can in some way benefit from your experience and words of wisdom. That just might make all the ups and downs of your life somehow seem worth it. So don't be late, get on board the train. The world is waiting for you.

Burning Desire

After 3 1/2 years I am beginning to realize that my life is just about as miserable as it was when I was 'self medicating'. Can't say it's just as bad as it was back then but it's getting close. I'm starting to lose track of all the reasons I quit 'partying' in the first place. Get a better woman? Nope, dumped time after time. Get a better job? Nope again. Pretty much unemployed these days. Insure that I don't lose everything that I own? Strike three! I've more or less lost everything I owned. Now, at least I didn't drink it away but I've lost it all nonetheless.

So, where do I go from here? If I just sit around having my own pity party, that won't really get me anywhere. Not that I have anywhere to go but if I give up on life I'll end up living in the back of my car. Well, not for very long though. If I don't start making some money soon, I'll be losing my car as well.

Which leads me to my dilema. How can I make some money in todays world? I have been searching online over the last 6 or 8 months trying to figure out a way to make money without a typical 8 to 5 J.O.B. Thought I had found a couple 'possibilities' but they haven't really panned out. I also rediscovered something I had already known but seem to have forgotten. It's very difficult to stay focused and motivated about something that you're not truly passionate about. And let's face it. If you aren't making any money at it, you'll never stay motivated anyway.

And so the search continues. Gotta find some way to make money doing something I enjoy. Heck, is it actually ok to do that? Is it even possible? I'm great at giving other people advice, suggesting that they follow their dreams, regardless of what they may be and to never give up no matter what obstacles may arise. But then why is it that I have so much trouble taking my own advice? I mean, I truly do believe that it's the right way to live your life. But for some strange reason I don't seem to think I'm allowed to live MY life that way. Sure wish I could figure out why that is.

I mean, how hard can it be? Make a list of the things you truly enjoy doing. Not so much 'job' wise but anything you like to do. Even things you don't yet know how to do. After all, you could always 'learn' how to do them. Especially if it's something that excites you, something you're passionate about. Anything that fuels that 'burning desire' within you. Ok, on to list #2.

This is where you can list everything you're good at, where all your talents lie. What do you feel are your 'strong points'? What have others told you they thought you were best at? Remember to keep in mind that at this point, money is not a motivating factor in this evaluation. That will come into play a little later but for now, just stay focused on your talents.

Ok, now that you have a decent idea of what you enjoy doing as well as where your talents lie, how can we combine these items to create a career of sorts, something you are passionate about which will keep you both laser focused and motivated while at the same time allow you to make a living? This is where a bit of creativity comes into play. With so many people having to think 'outside the box' these days, there couldn't be a better time for me to do the same thing. Actually, I've always preferred to march to the beat of my own drum but yet I fell into the 'trap' of staying in my comfort zone, not allowing myself to pursue my dreams. Instead choosing to live safely in a box, somehow thinking this would add to my feeling of stability. But I have come to learn that that can lead to a life of 'what ifs', a life full of regrets and that is not the life for me.

So as I evaluate myself and my life, my talents and my desires I feel I have narrowed it down to two different areas. Two 'paths' that I am deeply motivated to follow, two directions that I am passionate about. And two goals are better than being scattered all over the place with thoughts in fifty different directions. Now the truly hard part is how do I survive while I try to hone those 'crafts', those skills hoping to someday make enough money to live off of them. Here again, I'm forced to divide my time up in more ways than I would like to which doesn't allow me to be laser focused in a true direction but this is still such a vast improvement over the way I have been living my life.

With the astounding jobless numbers being posted all across the US, just going out and getting 'a job' is not as easy as it once was. Not that it was ever easy but I'm sure most would agree that it is much harder now. That's why over the last eight months I've been searching for an alternative and I have one remaining 'online' option that I am commited to exploring a bit further and if that doesn't pan out, then I'm not really sure what I'll do at that point. Hmmm, maybe that will bring me one step closer to forcing myself to get more laser focused on my real goals, helping to 'fuel' my true desires and then maybe with all that focus, something will materialize that will allow my passion to fill my wallet.

And so with everything that has happened lately, from job loss to losing my Condo, to getting dumped by numerous women, all of that crap. With all of that pretty much taking me to the lowest point in my life, perhaps there is a silver lining, a hidden meaning to it after all. Short Sales and Foreclosures aren't the type of Real Estate transactions that any Realtor actually enjoys. Definitely not the reason I got into Real Estate anyway, that's for sure so no big deal there. Losing my Condo? Yeah, huge money loss and being homeless is no fun but I gotta admit, not losing sleep over a mortgage any more has it's perks. Now, being single and alone for the rest of my life? Gotta admit that's a tough pill to swallow but oh well, I guess there are worse things on this planet. So all in all, maybe hitting rock bottom, losing everything I own might not be that bad after all. Maybe having the freedom now to pursue my dreams and the possibility of living the life I want and not having anyone around to tell me I can't, maybe it will all be worth it.

I just have to remember to stay focused on what I want out of life, laser focused on my goals and dreams. What ever it takes, I've got to hold on to that 'burning desire' within me.