Hmmmm, what's that smell?

Last night was pretty much like most nights over the last few months. Stayed up too darn late, gotta [well, supposed to anyway] get up early tomorrow, guess I better hit the hay but I'm still havin' a ton of trouble sleeping. Now, even though I live next door to Larry The Cricket Farmer, unbeknownst to him I've been doing a good job of 'thinnin' out his herd. I've come to learn that it was mostly those pesky males makin' all the 'racket' so I put up a bunch of 'Free Beer Over Here' signs to round 'em up and then I let the bug sprayer do its 'magic' on 'em. And so now I'm down to just a bunch of well behaved females on the 'back forty' [Larrys rear patio] and this has made for much better sleepin'. I have always preferred to sleep with my windows open, allowing the fresh air in rather than in 'lock down' mode, with the windows closed and the A/C kickin' on and off all night long. Of course, this only applies to when I'm alone. If I have a 'friend' over, it's mandatory A/C on all night in the summer. As we all know, when mama's happy, everybody's happy and we all sleep better.


I woke up a couple times throughout the night, as usual but was able to get back to sleep without much trouble because for the most part that insanely irritating noise from those damn crickets has been eliminated. Oh, I still have a few of the guys that 'jump the fence' tryin' to get at all those women crickets [hey, guys will be guys regardless of species] but they are much easier to identify and remove one at a time rather than when they are in a herd. Especially now since they usually have a red plastic cup full of beer in their hands and they're walkin' kinda funny.


Then, without warning, it happened! I was awakened at about 6am, still semi dark out, to a very strange sound indeed. "What is that noise", I asked myself. UH OH, sounds like water running, "Do I have a leak somewhere in the house?" This recently happened to a friend of mine and so my first thoughts went to her shoes floating around the room. I jumped out of bed, realized my feet weren't wet and so that was a good sign. Then it dawned on me, it's raining outside! Just as I peered through the blinds, POW! The sky lit up with a giant bolt of lightnin'. Then a few seconds later, CRAAAAACCCKKKK, the deafening sound of thunder radiated throughout the valley.


Finding it difficult to contain my excitement, I opened the blinds completely and the screen door to run outside and check it out. It was then that I realized I was still naked [yes, I sleep naked] and that perhaps I should contain my excitement long enough to go back inside and put some shorts on, THEN go outside to enjoy the festivities. It was still dark out and the only 'women' around were the crickets, so no harm was done by my overzealous behavior.


Wow, what a spectacular show. I just love the thunder storms in the desert. Especially when it's relatively dark outside. The lightning looks incredible peeking out between the clouds, just amazing. Some of the 'bolts' seem to land on rooftops off in the distance. I don't actually know for sure where [or if] they touch down but thankfully it's not as close as it seems. Then, almost as quickly as 'it' arrived, the storm seemed to move on across the desert to 'brighten' someone elses morning. Realizing it's the weekend, way too early to get up, I might as well try to get another couple hours sleep. Back to bed I go.


Managed to pull off another hour or two of blissful slumber and then the ol' inner body alarm clock [self imposed guilt trip] says it's time to get up. As I started about my day [turned the computer on, made some coffee, the usual] that's when it hit me. "Ooooohhhhh, what's that smell?" Semi familiar but yet strange, hard to place it. I know I've smelled it before but not sure when or where. All of a sudden it comes to me, that's the smell of the desert after a good soakin'! An odd mixture of ingredients that all seem to come together into an intoxicating elixur of good feelings. Not sweet, not sour, more of a 'new and improved' type of smell. Very difficult to describe but it brings to mind [for me anyway] a feeling of a 'fresh start'. A brand new day, a new beginning.


Wow, maybe today's the day? Who knows what could happen? Maybe today's the day I meet Ms. Right? Get that incredible new job!! Gotta dream big, right? Adios negativity, I don't have time for your crap! Everything just seems more positive and 'brand new'. Then I said to myself, "Thank you rain, I needed that." I was definitely in need of a 'refresher course' to help remind me of all I have to be positive about and grateful for, that 'attitude of gratitude'. My eyesight, to see the lightning through the clouds. My hearing that enables me to hear the 'crack' of the thunder. My legs that enable me to run outside [next time I'll be sure to put my shorts on first], all those things and more.


So this is for everyone out there searching for a reason to be grateful, a 'fresh start' of sorts, a reminder that today is the first day of the rest of their lives. Just take a walk outside, really take a look around you and I believe you'll see just how beautiful this world really is. Mmmmmmm, what a wonderful smell....

Larry The Cricket Farmer

Until I moved to the desert I had no idea they even existed, these so called 'Cricket Farmers'. They go about town throughout their day seemingly unnoticed, hidin' under the radar. Extremely hard to spot, they wear no hats, gloves or 'uniforms' of any kind for that matter. Yet, I know they exist.


I'm not quite sure where they get their 'training', perhaps Cricket "U" but I have yet to see any license plate frames or stickers advertising such schools nor of the Alumni that would come from such institutes of higher learning. But here again, they must exist because my neighbor Larry surely must have gone to school to perfect his 'craft'. Either that or he has a 'gift' born through generation after generation of Cricket Farmers.


After all, how else could one human being house so many crickets on one patio. Strange thing is, I have yet to see any type of feeding 'apparatus' or 'living quarters' for these crickets. Anything at all that would prove that this 'Farm' actually exists, yet come nightfall it becomes painfully obvious to the ears that yes, I live next door to a Cricket Farm.


Oh, don't be fooled such as I have. By day he's a mild mannered Pharmacist at the local grocery store but I know his true talents lie elsewhere, in the field of Cricket Farming. It must be his calling as he definitely has a 'knack' for it. No other way to explain it. When asked about his 'herd', his only reply is to say "It's a Gift, they are just drawn to me!" I'll say they are. By the millions!


Perhaps he could be considered more of a "Cricket Whisperer" than a farmer. I'm not exactly sure but one thing I am sure about is that it takes a special talent to attract the amazingly vast amounts of crickets to ones patio that he does. Lucky for the rest of you, he's a rare breed indeed. I would hate for others to live next door to such a relentlessly never ending noise factory.


So, next time you're driving down Hwy. 111 or in line at your local Big 5 Sporting Goods store buying ear plugs, keep in mind that you could be right next to one of the rarest species out there, the Cricket Farmer.

WANTED: Time Machine

I want a do-over! To go again. To live my life over and do it right, the second time. Well, at least different than I have up to this point. We've all heard the popular saying, "If I only knew then what I know now, I'd do it all so differently" or something to that effect. Good ol' hindsight, most definitely 20/20. While it would still require implementing this experience gathered from a lifetime of good and bad choices, for the most part no one wants to make a mistake or make the wrong choice on purpose. Unless of course, you're hungry for negative attention and abnormally high stress levels.


So as I tried to figure out how I was going to go back in time and re-live my life, first thing I did was go to Google. Hmmm, what keywords should I try first? Time Machine? Nothing showed up. Time Travel? Still nothing. Re-Do my life? Nope, nothing again. Undo and remove all my lifes regrets and live the life of my dreams? Strike four! No decent returns to speak of, just some pics and quotes from the movie "Back To The Future" which we all know that being a movie, more than likely it's not exactly reality. Looks like no matter what, I wasn't gonna be able to go back in time and undo all the mistakes I've made. All the regrets I have can't be erased as easily as I had hoped and so I will have to look at them as learning experiences rather than mistakes. And maybe I can use these experiences to allow me to make bigger strides forward rather than baby steps.


Hmmm, so how do I go about living with myself, my life 'as is', from this day forward? Since the past is the past, over and done, shouldn't I just let it go and move on? As we all know, that isn't always as easy as we might think. But while I still suffer repercussions in my life from previous events, circumstances and decisions, there truly isn't much I can do about it at this point. As far as the future is concerned, I have little influence over that as well. Of course, keeping in mind the decisions I make today can have somewhat of an effect on my future, I can't focus all my attention there either as that will not allow me to give the proper amount of focus on my 'NOW'. And after all, isn't today the most important day of all? Heck, it better be. It's the first day of the rest of our lives and to be honest, it deserves the majority of our focus.


Ok then, since we are starting from right now, how can we live the rest of our lives with a better result, a more pleasing outcome? Keep in mind that this is assuming that you would like to change a few things from your past, have another chance to make a few different choices in your life. Now, I would have to think that there are some people out there that are 110% satisfied with everything in their lives, all their choices and decisions worked out exactly as they had planned and all the results were everything they had expected. But chances are, if that sounds like you and your life, more than likely right now you are on the beach in Tahiti or looking out over the Mediterranian from the patio of your villa in Greece and not reading my blog. But for the rest of us 'normal folk', there has to be at least one or two things that we would like to change about ourselves and our lives, provided we could.


Then I began to think about time itself, all the time that has gone by and more specifically as it relates to age. Is it too late for me to change my life? A friend of mine had recently made a comment to me regarding my age, as it related to a specific situation and how my age would cause me to look at things differently than she does. In essence, it involved something to the effect of "remember back when you....." Basically involving how old I am in comparison to her. I'm sure she meant no harm whatsoever and had no idea that it would even have any effect on me at all but it definitely got me to thinking. And when I start thinking, that ususally leads to trouble because that's when I start writing. As we all know, age is a relative thing. Others like to say that age is just a number and while I would like to believe in that one a bit more, I have to admit I have trouble wrapping my head completely around it. While I certainly realize that there are plenty of people in this world that are younger than I am, on the other side of that I would have to think that there are others out there that are older than myself. Ok, so many of these people are in Assisted Living facilities but they are still older than I am nonetheless. While I do have quite a bit of experience, I'll be the first to admit that I forgot to grow up, still feeling as if I'm 18 but unfortunately that isn't reality. However, I can't get behind the mindset that it's too late to change my life, too late to live the life of my dreams.


Therefore, I will continue to blaze a new trail, a new life path, continuing to manifest the life of my dreams. After all, it's up to me to build the life that I want to live. No one else can nor will do it for me and more than likely, they would have no idea what I want for my life and all I hope to get out of it anyway. So again, it's up to me to make it happen. That's not to say that I'm not interested in any input from 'outside' sources. Perhaps, as I write this there is a rocket scientist of sorts, an 'Astronaut Farmer' as it were, a true entrepreneur tinkering away in a barn somewhere out in the midwest, putting the finishing touches on his [or her] Time Machine. I'm open to hearing about someone that fits this description so if anyone out there knows somebody like this, please feel free to leave me a comment in the box below. I'll make sure to get back to you immediately, if not sooner.


But until that day comes, all I can do for now is to just move forward in my direction of choice, doing my best to learn from my previous decisions, both good and bad, reaping the benefits from the few smart decisions that I've made and learning from the mistakes I've also made along the way. Most importantly though, continuing to stay laser focused on creating a better future for myself, a life of my dreams. So if you happen to see a guy in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, sitting outside a small Cafe in Paris, typing away on his laptop, come on over and say Hi. It just might be me.

Wut, learn from me? Heck, I'm no Guru!

I've been 'socializing' on the various Social Media Sites for just about a year now. Matter of fact, that actually seems a bit strange to me as it feels like it's only been a few months but as I look back, I guess I started some time around October of 2008. I never really took it too seriously, in fact prior to that I just thought of those Sites as another form of texting for the younger 'textheads' out there. Certainly nothing that I would be interested in getting involved with, that's for sure. I used the internet for Real Estate stuff, as I'm a Realtor but never looked into it beyond that.

But through a series of odd circumstances, I ended up sending an online response to an article that was printed in our local newspaper along with being posted on the newspapers website. Why this was important to me brings up an entirely different story and one that I'm sure I'll elaborate more on in the future but let's just say that I wanted to let my opinion of the situation be known. So after 'signing up' for the Newspaper Site, which was required of me before I could post my comment, I let my opinion be known to whomever else might have been 'out there' and wanted to take the time to read it.

Then the strangest thing happened. Somebody actually responded to my response. Well, let's just say they commented on my reply. Low and behold, they agreed with me. And as I'm admittedly very opinionated and feel strongly about what I believe in, it definitely made me feel good to know there were 'others' out there that shared my opinions. Next thing you know, a few more replies came in. Not all in agreement with each other but I must say I was surprised at how many people actually read this stuff and felt compelled enough to add their $.02 to the conversation. I enjoyed the banter back and forth between all the interested parties.

That's when it dawned on me. There was an entire world of people on the Internet and sure enough, they had actual thoughts and opinions of their own. Actual adults, not just 'textophiles' but grown ups with intelligence and wit, all wanting their voices to be heard. All of a sudden I began to feel like I belonged. Not quite sure what I belonged to but in essence it was a group of friends, a community of sorts. Great thing about it, they all came from different backgrounds and had varying reasons for being involved, yet there seemed to be some kind of comraderie between them. Which added to the long list of topics in which they felt compelled to respond, to voice their opinions. Which only added to the possibilities of interaction and the chances to learn and grow. To begin to see things through the eyes of others. I've always felt that it's never to late to learn and this surely was going to be a great way to do just that.

As time went on, I got a bit more involved with the group. The online community of people that wanted to express themselves. Even going so far as to attend a 'meetup' of sorts, a get together just to gab over a cup of coffee. It was great to put actual faces to the online 'personalities' that I had interacted with through my computer monitor. Some held close to what and who I had imagined them to be but for the most part I would have to say the overall group were nothing like I had imagined. Definitely an eye opening experience and proof positive that the old adage still holds true. "Don't judge a book by it's cover."

So as time went on, I continued to let my opinions and thoughts on various subjects be known. And as I have always had a desire to express myself and my thoughts through my writing, I must say that I enjoyed it more and more as time went on. As feedback began to come in, both positive and negative, I began to feel more comfortable putting my feelings 'out there', letting others interact and express their feelings as well. And as I mentioned earlier, with my always wanting to be a writer, my posts began to get longer and longer. That's also when I began to notice the difference between my posts and others that I had been reading. Mine were double and sometimes triple the amount of words as others and I was already doing my best to shorten mine while still keeping them ledgible. Like it or not, I was outgrowing this Site.

That's about the time one of my new found 'friends' suggested I check out MySpace. Perhaps it was a hint ot kinda 'get lost', not really sure. That Site would allow me to Blog to my hearts content without having to 'shrink' my thoughts down in order to fit in. Now, from what I had heard about MySpace, which admittedly wasn't [and isn't] much, wasn't this just another 'teen friendly' Site where kids hang out? It never dawned on me that there might actually be adults on there, let alone a place to blog. But since I had never even actually looked at the site, I thought I'd take the advice of others and check it out. Wow, was I surprised at what I found. Turns out I even found some real life friends that were on that site.

And so I began to explore more, learn more and post more. It was a great beginning for me as it allowed me to write to my hearts content without feeling as if I had to restrict my writing to a certain length or topic. Now, I can't actually say I was fully free to write as much as I wanted. For some reason I always feel the need to shorten my stories in order to keep my readers 'hanging on' with interest, yet the spectrum of topics is limitless.

Another thing I really liked about that site was the ability to 'customize' my profile with different themes, widgets, sayings, music playlists and all sorts of gadgets which allowed my personality to show through. I have to say that that was my favorite part of the MySpace experience. I had never looked at MySpace as a Biz Opp of any sort, just as a way to express myself, to get things off my chest. Turns out along the way I actually made a few friends. Unfortunately, as much as I'd like to say that all the connections I made worked out great, just as in 'real life' they didn't and for the most part that is what eventually drove me away from MySpace. Just too many bad memories, too many heartbreaks and for the most part I only log in there every few weeks or so just to update my status. I don't delete my profile as I can't seem to come to grips with letting it go but I would have to think I will in the near future. I have found other outlets for my blogging, my videos and as it doesn't seem to be the huge Biz Opp lead generator that it once was [or at least I'm told it was], it's usefulness will surely come to an end in the near future.

But while I was on MySpace, I'd heard about Facebook and You Tube. Even more recently, I began to hear about a Site called Twitter. Of course from what I'd heard of these sites, I surely had no interest in them whatsoever. Keep in mind that at that point I had no desire to explore any type of an online business. But as 'things' have continued to happen in my life and my entire future has been wiped out, I began to look further into other avenues of making a living. Which have of course forced me to begin to explore other methods including working online leading me to further explore these and other Social Media sites. Not to say that I've learned a whole lot but I'd like to think that I know more about the internet and some of its online 'neighborhoods' than I did eight months ago. And had I gone in to it with more focus on the business aspect of these sites, just a better focus in general, it's a given that I could have learned a whole bunch more.

Which brings me back to my original thought, the main reason that I began writing this post which is how on earth did this person get the crazy idea that they would have the slightest thing at all to learn from me? Well, nothing much except learning not to make the same mistakes I've made in my life. But heck, to be honest I'd truly enjoy knowing that I had helped somebody live their life with even one less regret than I currently live with in mine. Now as far as my having any useful knowledge, new found knowledge of something that is applicable in todays world, a relevant 'nugget' of sorts that I could pass along to help someone get a bit further ahead either on the internet or just in life in general, I have to say that would really be great if that was the case.

And that's when it dawned on me. Perhaps I'm not the last person to discover the internet. Maybe I'm not the last one off the Titanic searching for a 'life boat' of sorts, a new direction and a new way of thinking. I seem to always have the feeling that I'm late, the last in line, the last person to board the train. That life has somehow passed me by. But maybe it's different this time, maybe I'm not last? I have no idea what the exact statistics are but I read somewhere that there are lots of new people jumping on board the Internet train daily, exploring all kinds of avenues. Not just biz related opportunities but connecting, socializing in general, looking for answers to questions and like minded people with which to connect.

So maybe, just maybe I do have something to offer someone out there. A 'nugget' of some sort that I can share that just might help someone to get started on their journey, move a bit further along on their life path. A piece to someone elses puzzle. I'm not quite sure yet exactly how I'm gonna do that but I would have to think that if I continue my blogging and online socializing, something will eek out of me that will resonate with another like minded individual and who knows where that could lead. Could be a friend tells a friend and so on. Before you know it, woo hoo, I've actually helped two people. Then it's just a snowball from there. Next thing you know, I'm writing novels, doing book tours, seminars all over the country. Heck, what's to stop me? Why not all over the world? I dream of being able to tavel the world and what better way to accomplish that than enjoying what you're doing while out exploring everything this wonderful world has to offer. Even crazier, what if you actually end up becoming one of those so called 'Gurus', those imaginary people that the masses turn to for guidance? Ok, I admit that part is a bit far fetched but heck, if you're gonna dream, might as well dream big!

So what ever it is that motivates you, that drives you to search for ways to improve yourself and your life, just put yourself out there. Be proactive, don't be afraid to take action because without action there can be no results, no possibility of change. And who knows, you too might have a new found friend, someone you never knew existed let alone ever expected to 'meet', that is willing to listen to what you have to say and can in some way benefit from your experience and words of wisdom. That just might make all the ups and downs of your life somehow seem worth it. So don't be late, get on board the train. The world is waiting for you.

Burning Desire

After 3 1/2 years I am beginning to realize that my life is just about as miserable as it was when I was 'self medicating'. Can't say it's just as bad as it was back then but it's getting close. I'm starting to lose track of all the reasons I quit 'partying' in the first place. Get a better woman? Nope, dumped time after time. Get a better job? Nope again. Pretty much unemployed these days. Insure that I don't lose everything that I own? Strike three! I've more or less lost everything I owned. Now, at least I didn't drink it away but I've lost it all nonetheless.

So, where do I go from here? If I just sit around having my own pity party, that won't really get me anywhere. Not that I have anywhere to go but if I give up on life I'll end up living in the back of my car. Well, not for very long though. If I don't start making some money soon, I'll be losing my car as well.

Which leads me to my dilema. How can I make some money in todays world? I have been searching online over the last 6 or 8 months trying to figure out a way to make money without a typical 8 to 5 J.O.B. Thought I had found a couple 'possibilities' but they haven't really panned out. I also rediscovered something I had already known but seem to have forgotten. It's very difficult to stay focused and motivated about something that you're not truly passionate about. And let's face it. If you aren't making any money at it, you'll never stay motivated anyway.

And so the search continues. Gotta find some way to make money doing something I enjoy. Heck, is it actually ok to do that? Is it even possible? I'm great at giving other people advice, suggesting that they follow their dreams, regardless of what they may be and to never give up no matter what obstacles may arise. But then why is it that I have so much trouble taking my own advice? I mean, I truly do believe that it's the right way to live your life. But for some strange reason I don't seem to think I'm allowed to live MY life that way. Sure wish I could figure out why that is.

I mean, how hard can it be? Make a list of the things you truly enjoy doing. Not so much 'job' wise but anything you like to do. Even things you don't yet know how to do. After all, you could always 'learn' how to do them. Especially if it's something that excites you, something you're passionate about. Anything that fuels that 'burning desire' within you. Ok, on to list #2.

This is where you can list everything you're good at, where all your talents lie. What do you feel are your 'strong points'? What have others told you they thought you were best at? Remember to keep in mind that at this point, money is not a motivating factor in this evaluation. That will come into play a little later but for now, just stay focused on your talents.

Ok, now that you have a decent idea of what you enjoy doing as well as where your talents lie, how can we combine these items to create a career of sorts, something you are passionate about which will keep you both laser focused and motivated while at the same time allow you to make a living? This is where a bit of creativity comes into play. With so many people having to think 'outside the box' these days, there couldn't be a better time for me to do the same thing. Actually, I've always preferred to march to the beat of my own drum but yet I fell into the 'trap' of staying in my comfort zone, not allowing myself to pursue my dreams. Instead choosing to live safely in a box, somehow thinking this would add to my feeling of stability. But I have come to learn that that can lead to a life of 'what ifs', a life full of regrets and that is not the life for me.

So as I evaluate myself and my life, my talents and my desires I feel I have narrowed it down to two different areas. Two 'paths' that I am deeply motivated to follow, two directions that I am passionate about. And two goals are better than being scattered all over the place with thoughts in fifty different directions. Now the truly hard part is how do I survive while I try to hone those 'crafts', those skills hoping to someday make enough money to live off of them. Here again, I'm forced to divide my time up in more ways than I would like to which doesn't allow me to be laser focused in a true direction but this is still such a vast improvement over the way I have been living my life.

With the astounding jobless numbers being posted all across the US, just going out and getting 'a job' is not as easy as it once was. Not that it was ever easy but I'm sure most would agree that it is much harder now. That's why over the last eight months I've been searching for an alternative and I have one remaining 'online' option that I am commited to exploring a bit further and if that doesn't pan out, then I'm not really sure what I'll do at that point. Hmmm, maybe that will bring me one step closer to forcing myself to get more laser focused on my real goals, helping to 'fuel' my true desires and then maybe with all that focus, something will materialize that will allow my passion to fill my wallet.

And so with everything that has happened lately, from job loss to losing my Condo, to getting dumped by numerous women, all of that crap. With all of that pretty much taking me to the lowest point in my life, perhaps there is a silver lining, a hidden meaning to it after all. Short Sales and Foreclosures aren't the type of Real Estate transactions that any Realtor actually enjoys. Definitely not the reason I got into Real Estate anyway, that's for sure so no big deal there. Losing my Condo? Yeah, huge money loss and being homeless is no fun but I gotta admit, not losing sleep over a mortgage any more has it's perks. Now, being single and alone for the rest of my life? Gotta admit that's a tough pill to swallow but oh well, I guess there are worse things on this planet. So all in all, maybe hitting rock bottom, losing everything I own might not be that bad after all. Maybe having the freedom now to pursue my dreams and the possibility of living the life I want and not having anyone around to tell me I can't, maybe it will all be worth it.

I just have to remember to stay focused on what I want out of life, laser focused on my goals and dreams. What ever it takes, I've got to hold on to that 'burning desire' within me.

About Me

Hello, my name is Bryan Gira and welcome to my Blog. While I surely don't claim to have any talent as a writer, I have always had an untapped passion for writing and everything you read on my Blog is truly written from my heart.

As far back as I can remember, all the way back to Elementary School, I enjoyed short stories and such. Both reading and writing, I found it was easy to let my imagination take me away to places I'd never been and situations I'd never experienced. As a kid, I was a fan of The Hardy Boys Series of books. Not sure if anyone else out there remembers them but for those unfamiliar, they were similar to the Nancy Drew Mysteries. Similar in as much as they centered around young 'psuedo' detectives, two brothers resembling Sherlock Holmes types, always seeming to find themselves involved in all kinds of mysterious adventures throughout their neighborhoods. It always amazed me how the police were never involved and how they were able to solve all of those crazy scenarios on their own. But I guess that's the beauty of writing Fiction, it takes all thoughts of common sense and throws them right out the window.

Looking back now, they were teenagers with 40 years of detective experience under their belts. I'm sure if I were to read through one of those books today, I would instantly realize how utterly unbelievable the story lines were but as a kid with a very vivid imagination, I could definitely 'see' myself in every situation and always from the edge of my seat. Both the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Series' went on to become television series' in the 70's, that's how popular they were.

As the years went by, I never pursued my 'dream' of being a writer as I felt guilty about attempting to make a living at a career in which I was extremely passionate about yet felt I was severely lacking in talent. And with that being the case, I surely had no possibility of making a living, let alone ever having a book published. I mean, only extremely talented and famous authors ever have their books published, correct? People like Steven King, who coincidentally I'm honored to share the same birthday with, could hope to achieve such lofty goals. Therefore I surely had no chance of making any money at all with my writing, how could I even think about making a career of it. Choosing instead to attempt all other forms of survival, just trying to 'get by' in hopes of 'making it' through life doing things that I already knew how to do rather than take a chance and pursue my passion. After all, heaven forbid I actually took the risk and tried to learn how to be a better writer only to find out that I had no talent whatsoever.

As I look back I definitely have to question that logic, especially now as I sit here alone and broke, knowing that most of the choices I made along the way surely never turned out as I had planned. I can't help but wonder how different my life would have been, had I followed my true passion instead of taking the seemingly 'easy' way out. But as we all know, the past is the past and we surely can't turn back the clock. All the wondering, what ifs and the woulda coulda shouldas won't change the fact that I never took the chance and I will always regret it. That's another wonderful part of having your own Blog, your own online 'journal' so to speak. Who's to say you are a lousy writer? If it's how you feel, then it's how you feel and however you choose to express that is up to you and you alone.

And so as I sit here now, many [ok, many MANY] years later, wondering what if I had taken that giant leap of faith, I have decided to finally start jotting down some of my past recollections, current thoughts and hopes for the future. Random as they may be, just things that cross my mind interwoven with all the ups and downs of life. A smorgasbord so to speak of all the good, the bad and everything in between that life has a way of throwing at all of us. Things that I hope others can relate to as well.

For the most part my writing helps to relieve some of my inner stress, helping to reflect on past decisions, both good, bad and indifferent. And while I can't change them, perhaps looking back will enable me to somehow learn from my mistakes and help me to avoid making them again in the future. Who knows, might even allow me to enjoy those very few times here and there that I was seemingly able to make the correct decision and reap the benefits from those rare occurences as well. And to be honest, if I can help even one person along the way to avoid some of lifes pitfalls, to live their life without the regrets that I suffer through every day, then baring my soul and making a complete fool of myself in front of the entire world [ok, the two or three people that might read my Blog] will have all been worth it.

So have a seat, buckle up and hang on tight because you're about to go on a rollercoaster ride the likes of which no one could nor should ever have to experience for themselves. Thank you for stopping by and please feel free to comment on any of my posts. I always appreciate others opinions, as I truly believe that it's through communication and interaction that we can all continue to learn and to grow as individuals. I also hope we can stay connected through Twitter, Facebook, You Tube, Google Friend Connect and all the other numerous Social Media Sites that allow people all over the world to mingle.

The Beautiful Pearl Inside

I have decided to give an introduction of sorts, a way of introducing myself to my readers. While this may seem a bit out of sequence, as I have already created a few posts, I still feel it may help others to relate to who I am, where I came from and how the heck I ended up here. As they say, better late than never.


I was born in 'The O.C.' Anaheim, Ca. to be more precise. Way back when the only thing that stood out above the endless groves of orange trees was the 'Matterhorn'. Yes, I grew up a few miles from Disneyland and boy was I grateful for Grandma & Grandpa. The priceless memories that I still carry to this day of all those wonderful trips to D-Land, zooming down The Matterhorn, The Haunted House, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Submarine Rides and of course, one of my all time faves, the electric cars of Autopia. Mario Andretti had nothin' on me as that is where I most assuredly honed my driving skills. Even at 5 years old, I never lost control of the car, never strayed off the track and most definitely never got a speeding ticket. Matter of fact, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fail. You can only imagine how my self confidence skyrocketed with every lap and even though I got to know every curve and straightaway intimately, for some reason I still couldn't improve my lap times. It wasn't until a few years later did I realize that the cars were guided by a center 'rail' and that the top speed was also 'governed', therefore I was limited to a top speed of about 2mph! And all those years I thought I was a supreme driver, yearning to take on A.J. Foyt only to learn that it was some pimple faced kid in a light blue shirt, waiting for me at the Finish Line who was actually in control. Oh, the disappointment.


Yet that feeling of despair was nothing compared to opening up your ticket 'book', only to find that you were out of 'E' Tickets. In those days there were no mile long lines to wait in. Each ride was designated by a specific 'letter', A's, B's, C's, D's and E's and each book came with an assortment of various tickets. Unfortunately all of the best rides required 'E' Tickets [that's where the saying 'E Ticket Ride' was derived from] and so you had to be very careful when choosing which rides you 'really' wanted to go on. Of course we always tried to save one 'E' ticket for last because you knew darn well that when you ran out of E's, your day was done and you might as well pack it in because you're going home. In fact even to this day, when I reflect back on seeing that the E Tickets had indeed run out, that empty feeling comes flooding back to the pit of my stomach. Time for the long walk back to the parking lot. I'm sure by that point in the day Grandma and Grandpa were pretty much done watching us having fun and were more than ready to drop us off at home, yet they never showed it. Come to think of it, I wonder if they ever hid any E tickets from us, knowing that was the signal for the day to end? I can never thank them enough for all those memories.


Through the years our family moved around Los Angeles but never left So. Cal. I spent most of my childhood racing Motocross, what a blast. That's me in the B & W photo, tallest in back with the long hair @ about 8 or 9 years old. Everybody had long hair back then, you had to have your hair hanging out of your helmet when you raced or you just weren't 'cool'. That's my sister to my left and a few of my first cousins in the front row. Some might recognize the little guy standing in front of me, seemingly picking his nose. That's my cousin Jason. Nowadays most people know him better as 'Earl' on the TV show, "My Name Is Earl." Yes, he's a bit taller now and he's got a mustache so no need to mess with the nose as much.


Through High School my friends and I spent alot of weekends at the beach, one of the best parts of growing up in So. Cal. I graduated at 16 so I couldn't really 'take off' at that point but when I turned 18 I moved to Ocean Beach along with three of my friends. In 1979, San Diego was so much different than it is now. While still incredibly beautiful, back then there was no traffic to speak of, only a few TV Stations to choose from and the beaches were in essence wide open. For the most part you could pull over along the Coast Highway anywhere or anytime you desired. In fact you could spend the night in your car if you wanted to, which of course we did from time to time.


I had a few 'miscellaneous' jobs here and there, basically whatever it took to get by but mainly I was a beach bum. Yes, I admit it. I should have done so much more with my life and while I surely regret it, there's nothing I can do about it now so life goes on. Then I got involved with Boats and I stuck with that for quite a few years. I ended up discovering golf in the mid to late 80's and really began to enjoy it. So much so that I left my job and went to work at a local Country Club in hopes of pursuing a job as a Teaching Pro. After a few years of that I came to my senses, realizing that I would never make any money at it and so I went back to Boats. At this point I was living in Mission Beach and with boats being such a big part of San Diego I felt there would always be plenty of work.


I continued working with Boats until the end of '05. I have a little house up in the High Desert near Joshua Tree National Park that I would visit on the weekends and tinker around with small projects, I absolutely love it up there. So much so in fact that some weekends I found myself not wanting to go back to San Diego. While still beautiful, San Diego had become so over crowded and add to that the fact that I was basically fed up with my job and so after all those years spent in Americas Finest City, I decided to leave the town I loved so much and move up to Joshua Tree full time. I had been involved with old cars for many years, more specifically the Woodie Clubs and so in June of '06 I loaded up 'Woodie' and drove the 150 miles to Joshua. Tree, that is. The land of the Joshua Tree Cactus, endless starry nights and many many rocks.


Talk about a change. I went from a bustling town of millions to a town of about 150 people. And only one of them was a woman and she was married to her brother. That's not a good sign for a single guy that spent most of his adult life living at the beach in San Diego, surrounded by endless women. Not to say I could get any of them but they sure were nice to look at. Now I was living in a place where there was nothing to look at but the beautiful rocks and oh ya, the stars. Not quite the same thing. Yet still, at first it was great. I loved the slower pace, wide open spaces and the peace and quiet. Not to mention the views of the National Park are absolutely awesome. But after about 8 months of peace and quiet I started to go a little [ok, a lot!] 'stir crazy'. Add to this the fact that I had also decided to quit drinking around this same time, which wasn't helping matters either and so I knew I better find something to keep myself occupied. I had to come up with a new career anyway and that would surely keep me focused and staying busy.


Hmmm, what would it be? I didn't want to get involved in another basic '9 to 5' job, that much I knew for sure. I had always wanted to get my Real Estate License and so I decided what the heck, no better time to do it and so I began studying. Took the Exam in October and finally received my R.E. License in December. I had a few friends that were local Agents and so I started working with them. I soon realized that I was trying to promote properties that I myself wasn't passionate about and so I ended up signing with a Broker near Palm Springs. I had always wanted to sell beautiful Golf Course properties and no better place to do that than down the hill. I began commuting daily to my office in Rancho Mirage, some 70+ miles each way and it began to get old in a hurry. So, I sold my Woodie [my last tie with San Diego, I cried when it left] and bought a Condo in La Quinta. I also changed offices at the same time which cut down tremendously on my drive time. Things were really lookin' up!


I lived in La Quinta up until the end of this past June. Yep, you guessed it. As it turns out, I bought my Condo the day before the RE Market came to a screeching halt. And so as values declined, so did any RE business to speak of and so I had to come to the realization that it was time to let my Condo go. All my hopes and dreams washed away. It wasn't just the money I lost, I was losing my dream Condo. I was finally living in a place of my own that I loved and I couldn't wait to get going with my new career. Needless to say, I have lost both my Condo and my career and so now I am searching for something else that I am truly passionate about. I know I'm most definitely not cut out to work a 'regular' job and so I'm kinda in limbo right now, living with a friend until I can figure out a new game plan, a new direction with a new set of goals. As far back as I can remember I have always wanted to be a writer. Even in Elementary school, I always enjoyed writing short stories. So who knows, maybe all of this has happened to allow me the freedom to move on, to do something I'm truly passionate about.


So, that's me in a [big] nutshell. I'm done with looking back and I never again want to wonder 'what if'. The past is the past, there's nothing I can do about it now and who knows what the future holds. I just have to move forward with a new goal, a new vision, a new dream. Perhaps I'll finally be able to travel the world, see all the beautiful things it has to offer and maybe even figure out some way to be able to turn my life and my adventures in to my latest Novel. At this point, the world is my oyster and I can't wait to open it up to find the beautiful pearl inside.