Is It REALLY OK To Look?

We've all heard the slogan, "It's OK To Look" but is it really ok? I mean, once you look, you're kinda locked in. Not so much by them as by your own undeniable curiousity. Then it's on! You can't stop clickin'. Page after page, click after click, maybe the one will be on the next page. Nope. Maybe the next page? And so on and so on.

On and on it goes, searching for your soulmate. Online Dating, blessing or curse? Is it really any easier than the old fashioned way of meeting people? Hmmmm, come to think of it, what exactly is the old fashioned way?




Once you were out of school, it was pretty much a desert out there, hardly an oasis to be found. All of those maybes instantly turned into woulda coulda shouldas. All those missed opportunities, those chances that you should have taken were no longer even an option. Nope, from here on out you were on your own.

Sure, we've all heard the stories of people meeting at the Grocery store, the Library, Gas Station, WalMart, all of those flukes that leave us wonderin' how the hell did that happen and why hasn't it happened to us?

But come to think of it, for the most part, the people that we see at those places aren't really people we'd want to meet anyway. Matter of fact, more along the lines of people we'd prefer to avoid. So how is everyone else able to find all of these Golden Nuggets among all of this Fools Gold?



You also hear people say that you should join Groups. Interactive groups of people enjoying like minded activities and when you share a common connection with someone, makes it a whole bunch easier to get a conversation started. Well, you'd like to think so anyway.

But just because somebody likes to play Co~Ed Softball or enjoys Mountain Biking doesn't necessarily guarantee any kind of a Love Connection. Perhaps a sport like Golf or maybe even Tennis could be a better basis to start off on as they offer a bit more closeness but still no guarantees.

Sure, it could be a good start but beyond a hobby in common, who's to say there's gonna be enough to build on. To nurture and grow a relationship that will go on to stand the test of time. But then again, it is a start and for the most part, that could be better than nothin'.


So what do we have left? I guess it's the good ol' default of dating, Bars and Night Clubs. Yeah, the basic Meat Markets as they have come to be so affectionately known.

While these can be a gold mine of activity, with lots of dancin' and liquor flowin', there still isn't any guarantee that you're gonna have any luck there either. No such thing as a sure thing. Talk about a Box of Chocolates, you really never know what you're gonna catch.....ooops, I mean get.

And if you do happen to win the Lottery and actually meet someone that you make a true connection with and continue to build a relationship with, I would think that you would always have that feeling in the back of your mind that you met each other in a Bar, in essence the home of the One Night Stand, aka The Desperation Station.


I mean, haven't you noticed how couples that have met in Clubs and Bars and have gone on to get married suddenly start staring at the ground and getting very quiet when asked how they met? Meeting the love of your life at a Bar carries with it a stigma of sorts and not a pretty one at that.

Jeez, we're really runnin' out of options here. I mean, we've looked into all the old standard choices seemingly built out of desperation, some of the hit 'n miss, meet by chance options and so pretty much all we're left with at this point is that other semi frowned upon, stigma filled endeavor known as Online Dating.

Ohhhh, gotta be the scariest of all. Haven't you heard all of the terrible stories of all the bad people that hang out on the Internet, just waiting to pounce on their latest victims? And this isn't only reserved for the bad guys out there.


Oh no, there are tons of Black Widows out there, just waiting to grab hold of their toupee wearing victims. Ready to suck everything out of their wallets and leave 'em by the side of the road, never to fully recover from the incident.

Yet we've run out of choices. It's either we resort to the Internet or we're destined for a life full of relentless loneliness. Neither really sounds too appealing but at least the Internet offers some form of hope. Being alone forever pretty much has "Your life is totally gonna suck forever" written all over it right from the start.

Now that we've resigned ourselves to beginning our Internet search for our soulmate, how do we actually get started? Which Site is best? Which one is more our style? Where exactly is the partner of our dreams hangin' out? Jeez, I kinda thought all the questions had already been answered but apparently I was wrong.


It seems as if the list of online dating sites is pretty much endless, with new ones added daily. Funny thing is, each of them boast of being the number one dating site online, most members, greatest number of matches, guaranteed connections, etc., etc.

Heck, they even have some that seem more like Porn Sites where you can check out their pics, webcam stuff, all of those things that give you the distinct feeling that your Credit Card is in extreme jeopardy.



Somewhere in the middle is one Site that talks about how short life is (I agree) and you should have an affair (I DISAGREE) before you kick the bucket. How cheesy is that? To promote infidelity as a way of making money just doesn't sit right with me. I guess I'm strange that way.


It's gonna be just your luck, you're married and thinkin' about cheating on your wife and they're gonna match you up with a woman that's married and is thinkin' about cheating on her husband....and her husband HAPPENS TO BE YOU! That'll be a reality check that you never expected.

I'd have to think that the two most popular or at least the most well known would be Match.com and eHarmony. Match tells you all the time that it's ok to look but again, that's where the trouble starts. On the other hand, eHarmony makes you jump through so many hoops that it makes you really think twice about whether or not you really wanna sign up.

While eHarmony boasts of how they will match your profile on 29 different levels of compatability, from your favorite food to which day of the week would be your favorite for trash day. Only problem is, they forgot to mention the part about how it's gonna take you about 14 hours straight to complete your profile.


By the time you're about one quarter of the way through, you're already questioning yourself as to whether or not this was a good idea. Half way through, you're REALLY having second thoughts as to whether or not you can continue. Once you reach the three quarter mark, you just want this nightmare over and done so you can start receiving your strategically matched connections.

So at that point you just start clicking buttons at random, just to get it over with. Up to 99 years old? Click! Eight feet tall? Click! Up to 500 pounds? Click! Smokes like a chimney? Click! ANYTHING just to get this over and done!

Finally you get the signal that your eHarmony profile is complete and your first few matches begin to arrive. Hmmm, something seems wrong here. I know I set a 50 mile search radius but for some reason they are sending me profiles of women in Kentucky. Last time I looked, Kentucky was just a bit further than 50 miles away from So. Cal.

Gotta be a fluke. Nope, Missouri, Colorado, North Dakota, Maine, pretty much all over the U.S. Oh no, not American Samoa! Jeez, now they're really reachin'. Maybe it's a bit more difficult than I thought to find an 8 ft. tall, 98 year old woman that weighs 500 lbs. and smokes like a chimney. Who'd a thunk it?

Perhaps it's time to give Match a try. Awwwweee, now THIS is more like it. Sure, if you really wanna get serious about it, you can fill out your profile and luckily, it will take you about one quarter of the time that the eHarm profile did.


If you just want to check out some of the perspective members, you can do that as well. But only to a point. They let you check out a few profiles, just to wet your appetite and then next thing you know, you find your dream connect and you want to contact her. Sorry, no go!

At that point you will have to sign up for a Membership and get serious about your profile. Yep, it's gonna take some effort from this point, not to mention a Credit Card. Holy commitment! All the questions start flyin'.


Are you really sure you wanna do this? Should you sign up for one, three, maybe even six months? I mean after all, you've waited your entire life to find your soulmate, how could you expect to find her in a month. Better do six and hope for the best. Ok, Credit Card accepted and you're on your way to meeting the woman of your dreams.



Filling in your search parameters is easy, after all you've known what you were looking for forever. Ok cool, page one of 5000 matches. Holy smorgasbord, this is gonna be sweet! Hardest part will be deciding who I click with.

As you scroll through page after page, nothing. Nothing seems to resonate with you. So many of the profiles are the same. All of these women have been to every country in the world, six times and yet they've also had the same full time job for 20 years. Something just doesn't add up.


Then it's picture after picture of either her with another guy, her dog slobbering all over her or worst of all, a friend of hers that's way hotter than she is. Ladies, if I can make a suggestion here. If you're promoting pics of you hangin' all over other guys, you don't need to be on a dating site. If your dog is your whole world and you can't go or be anywhere without it, no guy wants to play second fiddle to a dog.

And if all you're looking for is someone to mow your lawn every Saturday or take your kids to soccer practice so that you don't miss your nail appointment, perhaps you might want to get your priorities in order. No guy wants to be a last minute add on. Lastly, if you're gonna show pics of your hot friends, at least put something in your profile about whether or not they're single and if so, how to contact them. Just sayin'.



As you look closer at some of these pics, you begin to notice that some of them have the dates right on 'em. Hmmmm, that's funny. That doesn't look like a '10. Looks more like an '01. As soon as you see that a photo is almost 10 years old, that's an instant Red Flag! It immediately brings into play all kinds of doubt as to how much of her profile is actually legit. People, current pics are a must.

It's just like the age thing. You'll see an age posted at the top but then as you read their profile, they admit to being five years older than their posted age. As if their posted age is the age they wanna be, the age they act or the age, in their mind, they look but to come right out from the start, before you even begin your profile, you're already fibbin', that's not a good sign either.


If you're gonna be serious about this whole thing and truly want to build a relationship with someone, eventually you're going to have to meet in real life. So why bother starting out with a lie? You'll get found out sooner or later and the heartache will be much worse once you have a bit of your heart invested. Why not avoid that nightmare altogether?

Which basically brings us back to square one. How do you actually meet your life partner in todays world. Seems like all avenues have both their good and bad points. None of them are problem free, that's for sure.

So do we just give up, throw in the towel, just too much friggin' effort to take a chance on having our hearts broken one more time? Gosh, I hope not. I for one don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. That's not to say that I want to be locked into a relationship that isn't beneficial to me, just to avoid being alone. Such a cunundrum.


Well, if you need to get ahold of me, you know where to find me. Yep, I'll be hangin' out at the Shoe Store, waitin' for my Solemate.

If you're single and can relate to the Dating World, I'd like to hear your thoughts and if you enjoyed this post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.