Steppin' WAY Outside the Zone!

Wikipedia defines "Comfort Zone" as: The comfort zone is a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk.



The comfort zone refers to the set of environments and behaviours with which somebody is comfortable, without creating a sense of risk. A person's personality can be described by his or her comfort zones.



Highly successful persons may routinely step outside their comfort zones, to accomplish what they wish. A comfort zone is a type of mental conditioning that causes a person to create and operate mental boundaries. Such boundaries create an unfounded sense of security. Like inertia, a person who has established a comfort zone in a particular axis of his or her life, will tend to stay within that zone without stepping outside of it. To step outside a person's comfort zone, they must experiment with new and different behaviours, and then experience the new and different responses that then occur within their environment.



Phew, that's a mouthful! I think that basically what they're saying is that it's a self imposed safety zone of sorts, a place where nothing can go wrong in your life. A place where you can just kick back, let the world go by and nothing can hurt you.



A place where nothing ever goes wrong, every day is full of blue skies and sunshine. Well, I've got some news for you, it's full of lots of other stuff as well. And some of it not so good.




Like boredom, depression, mediocrity, laziness, basically business as usual. Nothin out of the ordinary, ever! In essence, the home of status quo. Basically BO~RING but safe. Safe from harm. Safe from risk. Safe....from...well, from experiencing life. Sounds like tons o' fun, huh? NOT!



I'm sure most of you know your own Comfort Zones very well, you've lived there your entire lives.You know exactly what to expect, no surprises there, that's for sure. No surprises, for better....or for worse.




I say for worse because last I heard, life was meant to be experienced. In all ways. Be it people, places or things, each and every new adventure entails some amount of risk. After all, it wouldn't be an adventure if you knew what was going to happen beforehand. But if not for that risk, I don't think it would be considered an adventure.



"Adventure" is defined as: An activity that is perceived to involve risks, danger or exciting experiences.




In essence, life is an adventure. No matter how much we plan out our day, very rarely, if ever does it go according to plan. In fact, it usually doesn't take very long before something happens to send your entire day off on a completely different path. One in which you had never even bothered to consider.



This is where your Comfort Zone comes into play because it's decision time. You're going to have to make a decision about something and chances are, it's gonna mean the difference between layin' low in your Comfort Zone or risking it all and venturing out to a brave new world, a new civilization, a place where more than likely you've never gone before.



We've all heard that saying, No Risk, No Reward or the similar version, Big Risk, Big Reward. Either way, along with the possible reward comes the inherent danger of making a mistake. Making a fool of yourself. Basically looking like an idiot and nobody likes that.



No one wants to come across as an idiot. Therefore, if you stay in your Zone, you're for the most part idiot proof. But your life isn't gonna be a whole lotta fun, that's for sure. You're definitely not gonna get the most out of each and every day, which kinda makes you look like an idiot anyway, for wasting your life. Sort of a Catch 22.



Keep in mind that this last statement is more or less directed at me. Yep, I find myself hidin' in my own Zone far too often for my own good but hell, it's so comfy and cozy, so downright safe in there, can you blame me? It gives me the warm 'n fuzzies just thinkin' about how nice it is in there.



Even though I know damn well I'll never get anywhere in life without taking risks, by just stayin' comfy, for some reason it seems to be my default place to hang out. If I don't wanna take a chance on makin' a fool of myself, I just duck down and let the world (life) fly by. No harm, no foul. Just keep everything status quo and you're good to go.



Then all of a sudden, it dawns on you. Your life totally sucks! Same ol', same ol', day in and day out. Can you imagine if every freeway, every street, every road you ever traveled was straight and flat?



No uphills, no downhills, no left or right turns, nothing but straight and flat for as far as the eye could see. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? And so it is with life in your Zone.



Even though I've done my best to be more conscious of hiding in my own Zone as of late, I still find myself getting caught in my own trap. My fluffy, danger free trap. I know it's not a good place to hang out and I've been doin'my best to break free of my old habits and venture out to the land of the unknown. The world outside my Comfort Zone.



Now, there are only so many opportunities that present themselves, affording you the possibility of steppin' out of your Zone. Besides those that you create yourself.



And you surely can't map out your plan of attack ahead of time because you have absolutely no idea what it is you're going to be reacting to. Let alone what your reaction would be even if you did know ahead of time.



This scenario played out in living color for me on Friday night. My buddy showed up just before dark and so we hauled butt down to the Dock to enjoy the end of a beautiful lakeside day. Once darkness set in, it was time to think about dinner.



Neither of us wanted the hassle, let alone the time required to cook anything and while there aren't many choices up here, there is a cool Mexican Restaurant that serves great food and since I just happen to love good food, we locked up the Dockhouse and we were on our way.



Things can get kinda crowded there on the weekends but it was after the dinner hour and so lucky us, no wait. The Hostess grabbed a couple menus and began escorting us to our table. She approached a small table in an open area, which I didn't much care for but we were both hungry and so it was fine.



As we got closer to the table, she hesitated, spotted another table and we continued on to our new destination. This was a booth, much easier to spread your food around so I was stoked. But I had no idea just how stoked I was gonna be.



Directly in my line of sight, about three tables away, sat the woman of my dreams. My first thought was how lucky I was (and to top it off, on a non fave day, Friday 13th) that we didn't get stuck at that first table. I never would have seen her, unless I caught a glimpse as she walked out.



Immediately things turned into one of those out of body experiences, like when you're dreaming and you're floating above your body, watching yourself from outside yourself. I can faintly remember my buddy talkin' but again, I really couldn't hear him.



It's no wonder I'm single, I have a certain type that I'm really attracted to and as much as I try and tell myself I'm not, there are certain physical characteristics that just spark for me. And this woman had 'em, that's for sure. I think that everyone has a different vision of beauty and thankfully, everyone is built differently.



I don't think that my idea of beauty is the universally accepted vision in everyones mind. Definitely not the type that the Media says is Americas Most Beautiful. The natural, girl next door does it for me. My dream woman might go completely unnoticed to someone else and vice versa but all I can say is if I could have ordered a woman out of a catalog, she is pretty much who I would have ordered.



And that's the only reason I even contemplated leaving my Comfort Zone for a split second. I'm not a Serial Dater, I've had my heart broken so many times that I don't even bother anymore unless I feel very strongly about a woman, unless I think there's a possibility of a long term relationship. Why go through all that heartache for no reason.



But this woman triggered something in me that had me mesmerized. My mind was racing, should I, shouldn't I? Should I walk over to her table and say Hi? Should I just sit here and stare at her (not good), not saying a word? With so many thoughts spinning through my head, I still couldn't hear anything my buddy was saying.




Since we had left the Cabin so quickly, I just threw on some basic clothes, never grabbed my wallet or anything else. It never dawned on me we'd be havin' dinner out. So this left me without any way of leaving her my contact info.



So, I had to ask myself, is that a hint of reality bringing me to my senses or is that just an excuse to give up and sit here, in my Zone?





Back and forth, back and forth, 'round 'n around in my head, all these should I's or shouldn't I's flew around like a Kansas tornado for what seemed like 10 hours but since the waitress just returned to take our order, it was probably more like 10 minutes. It's funny how time flys when you're havin' an out of body experience.



Glancing at the waitress' apron full of pens, that did it. I asked if I could borrow a pen and she also offered a piece of paper from her tablet. I'm not so sure that if she knew I was stalkin' one of her customers, she would have been so accomodating with the writing equipment but that's neither here nor there.




What was important is that I finally had a way to leave her my info. I could still hear my buddy talkin' (no idea what he was sayin') as I wrote down my info. and as I recall, it was mid sentence when I got up from the table and walked over to introduce myself.




I finally decided that there was absolutely ZERO chance that she would ever contact me if I didn't approach her but my odds went way up to about One in a Million (ok, One in a Trillion) chance that she would contact me if I left my digits.




So I literally jumped up, leavin my Comfort Zone so far behind me, I couldn't even see it anymore and I trembled my way over to her table. I had no game plan, no idea what I was gonna say, no pick up line to lay on her, no preparation whatsoever. All I knew was that I HAD to do this or I would regret it forever.




Her and her friend were both surprised that some goofball would walk all the way across a restaurant (this wasn't some Meat Market pickup place or a Bar) in the middle of their meal to introduce himself. I really have no idea what I even said, besides Hello and shaking her hand which was pretty easy since my entire body was shaking so much.



Surprisingly, it went pretty well (I think) for such a completely awkward experience. I mean, at least they didn't break out in sheer hysterics until they finished their meal and were completely out of sight. I wobbled my way back to the table and tried to catch my breath. Talk about a harrowing experience, this was so far out of my Zone that I completely forgot I even had a Zone.




Of course, all through the meal, I kept thinkin' of things I should have said, should have done to make the whole thing go better and to make the possibility of her contacting me drop from a Trillion to One way down to a Billion to One. But at that point, it was too late. There was no going back over there, she was gone.





All the woulda coulda shouldas in the world didn't matter at that point. All I had was her first name and a basic idea what part of So. Cal. she lived in. That was it. Just as fast as she entered my life (or I invaded hers, whichever way you wanna look at it), she was gone. Like two ships passing in the night, she sailed off to waters unknown and I pretty much ran into an iceberg and friggin' sank!



One other strange thing that happened, as I sat back down at the booth, I noticed something shiny under the table. Thinking it might be a spoon or something, I reached down to pick it up and it turned out to be a coin. I couldn't see it at first (kinda dark under there) but it was semi heavy and about the size of a silver dollar. So I thought to myself, cool, I found a silver dollar to remember this occasion by.





I like old coins so I was anxious to see the date on it. Turns out it's some kinda coin from Panama, unknown denomination, with a picture of Balboa the Explorer on it. Needless to say, monetarily it's worth about zero but as a reminder of a very special occasion, an important life lesson, it's priceless.



So as we finished our meal, my buddy kept talkin' (I think) and I kept wishin' I would have done a few things differently. It's always easier the second time, which got me to thinkin' that even though there was maybe a One in a Million (ok, One in a Trillion) chance of her ever making contact, I know if and when something like this happens again, I'll be much more prepared and have a better idea of what I'll do.



I'm also happy to know that I was intrigued enough by a woman to forget about my heart (and my ego), even for a split second and just risk it all by making a complete fool of myself.





I only know of one other woman that has ever enthused me nearly as much (in fact, with her it's even more than this), enough to lay it ALL on the line (TWICE!), my heart on the chopping block so it was good to know that I could be excited enough by a woman to take a chance like this again.



As I mentioned earlier, I've had enough heartache to last me two lifetimes and so I'm in no hurry to have it happen again. But I'm super stoked, very proud of myself that I didn't let that stop me, I stepped out of my Zone, took a huge chance on pursuing my dreams, regardless of whatever it is I stood to lose.



Will I ever get to see her again? I hate to sound negative but being realistic, I'd have to say no. Did I take away a huge lesson from all this? You better believe I did. I learned that one can leave their Comfort Zone, step insanely far outside it and still survive. I may not have won the prize....but I didn't die from it either. In fact, I learned a few things, so overall I'd have to say it was a good experience.



So if I can pass anything along to someone else that might feel trapped, stuck in their own Zone, it's that any time you take a chance, on anything, there is gonna be a certain amount of risk but I'm still here, alive and kickin', to tell you that you're not gonna die from it and if you're lucky like me, you just might learn a thing or two. Who knows, you could end up with your own reward.




If you can relate to hidin' in your own Comfort Zone, I'd enjoy hearing about it and if you enjoyed this Post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.