FINALLY! It's about time. I was beginning to wonder if it would EVER happen again but fortunately for me, it did. After all the time I spent searching for it, I finally found that 'spark' again, that elusive 'trigger' that would reignite the fire within me. The 'fuel' necessary to keep the dream alive, allowing me to remain focused on achieving my goals. I found my WHY.Yes, my WHY. Now, while that might sound crazy to some, I'm sure others can most definitely relate. We all need a reason. A reason to get out of bed in the morning, to go to work each day, to continue to struggle through the most difficult of times,. A reason to persevere, to challenge anything and everything put in our paths, attempting to keep us from accomplishing our goals. Our reason why.
I don't believe it is something that can be 'manufactured', it has to come from deep within us. A place that even we can't manipulate. It has to be part of our heart, our soul, our true inner being. An invisible force propelling us forward, pushing us to break down any walls standing in our way.
It could be as simple as Fear. Fear of failure, a fear of commitment, even a fear of actually achieving your goal and wondering what lies ahead after that, whatever your fears may be, it takes a serious and dedicated commitment to conquer your fears and to remain focused on your goals.
Passion is also a huge part of the equation, an excellent reason why. When you're passionate about something, don't you feel as if you will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make it happen? I know I sure do. If I'm passionate about it, I go at it full bore where as if I'm kinda 'on the fence' about it, I do what it takes to get it done but for the most part, not much more than that. Without passion, our 'why' doesn't really stand a chance of survival.
That's not to say that I won't do a good job because I will. I don't know the meaning of 'half ass', it's not in my vocabulary. It's not my nature to only do what's necessary to 'get by'. But with that being said, I also know that if I'm following my dreams, chasing something that I'm passionate about, then I go at it with a much stronger effort, giving it 150% of my time and effort until I've knocked it out of the ballpark. With passion comes a constant reminder of why.
I'm willing to bet that this is the same for most people. Of course there are those that are basically just 'time milkers' and they prefer to live their lives just getting by. Where good enough is good enough, why do anything 'extra'? That is SO not me, not my way of thinking at all. I feel that true effort should have its own rewards. The more effort you put in to something, the more you get in return.
Doesn't have to be a tangible 'thing', just a good feeling inside from a job well done. Or even knowing that you have helped someone else, that too can give you a feeling of satisfaction, another good reason 'why' that a job done 'half way' could never hope to provide.
So how do we go about discovering what truly motivates us, what it is that drives us to go above and beyond the call of duty, to do whatever it takes to accomplish our goals? A reason why? I feel that's a very 'individualistic' thing and only we ourselves will know where our motivation lies.
For some of us, it's family. Knowing that we have loved ones that need our love and support will give us the 'never give up' attitude that is critical to make it in todays world. For others, it could be personal growth that fuels our fire. And still for some, it might be as simple as money. Not to say that obtaining money is simple, it's just that if you can narrow it down to a basic driving force, it will really help you to remain focused.
In fact, if your goal is to make a ton of money, it might help to have a good idea of exactly what it is that you'll do with all your money once you have it. Why are you going to make all this money anyway? To provide for your family, friends, a new home, a car, a boat, something to that effect. Narrowing down your focus will help you to remain on the straight and narrow. Surely there will be bumps in the road, you can bet on it and you'll want to continue moving forward despite the obstacles you're likely to experience.
This is where I've been struggling so much over the last couple years. As I have continued to fall from the tallest sky scraper around, losing everything I ever owned [and more], not only have I lost all my 'stuff' but I've also lost all of my desire. My motivation, my passion, my reason for living, all of these driving forces have pretty much been erased from my memory and replaced by a ton of woulda coulda shouldas, all surrounded by lots of negativity. Most definitely not the best set of circumstances for a person attempting to 'restart' their life, that's for sure.
And to be honest, it's been a bit nerve racking to say the least. Losing your MOJO is very daunting. It's not like you can go to the 'MOJO Store' and pick up a twelve pack of MOJO Juice and suddenly find all of your inspiration again. As I've come to learn, motivation doesn't come in a bottle or a can. Dang it, sure wish it did. Things would be so much easier.
How does that saying go again? Inspiration, combined with Perspiration equals Motivation? Something like that. Anyway, I'm sure you get the point. It requires some form of action but action alone is not enough to keep you on the right track, to remain disciplined enough to keep going.
You have to have passion and that's the part that scared me the most. I'd lost my passion and I had no idea how or IF I was ever gonna find it again. While I still had some of the same likes and dislikes, none of them seemed to hold enough ooomph for me to chase after them. As I mentioned earlier, I had pretty much gotten to the point that I didn't really care whether or not I even got out of bed. EVER.
Heck, why would I? Nothing much going on, might as well lay here all day. Even the fact that I was more than likely gonna be livin' in the back of my Honda Pilot [at least until they repo'd that as well] in the near future didn't seem to be enough of a 'spark' to get me going. I don't like to talk or think about giving up but to be honest, I came very close a few times to just sayin' forget it and packin' it in.
I started to envision myself as one of those guys standing on the freeway offramp, cardboard sign in hand. I've heard those guys make pretty good money so it wasn't like I was TOTALLY giving up on everything, just 94% of me was throwin' in the towel.
If it wasn't for my dear friend Annabelle, I probably would have already given up but she wouldn't let me. She always had such a way of putting things into perspective, showing me what was truly important and what was BS. I miss her more than words can even describe, she meant more to me than I could ever tell her. I wish she was here now so I could let her know that I think I finally found it. I finally found my why.
Sure, some people might consider me to be extremely superficial, saying that I'm out to impress other people, worried about keeping up with the Jones' or even worse, attempting to cure a midlife crisis. All of these couldn't be further from the truth. I'm in search of whatever it is that will make me happy again. That 'something' that will give me the answer to my why.
And to those that say "It's just a car", that would be like me saying "It's just a family." I'm not here to tell you your WHY is or isn't any less important than mine is, it's just different but as long as you find one, that's all that matters.
I have to admit that finding true love WAS my main driving force in life. I quit drinking about four years ago in an effort to find the love of my life but that has turned out to be a complete disaster and so at this point I have more or less come to the conclusion that I am meant to be alone forever and like it or not, I better just get used to it. Not that I'm 'giving up', more like I'm 'giving in'. Sometimes you have to know when to let it go.
After losing my Condo, along with another couple properties, I'm in no hurry to have another mortgage to deal with so even if I could afford it, I highly doubt I'd buy any property again. I wouldn't mind having a rental property or two but besides that, no 'mortgage stress' is just fine with me.
So what's left? What is it gonna take to get me fired up and motivated again. Travel? Another big dream I have is to travel the world, to explore the U.K., Europe, Australia, every exotic beach on the map. But is that enough of a driving force? Traveling alone isn't all it's cracked up to be and so that dream has lost a bit of its sparkle. Not that I don't want to see the world, it's just that it's not as high on my list as it once was.
Jeez, no wonder I've been having so much trouble getting stoked on life again, my list is just about empty. It's all starting to make sense to me now. If I was reading this Post about somebody elses life, I'd say they had every right to just pack it in and start looking for a spot on the sidewalk to set up their 'Cardboard Condo'.
Unfortunately, this is MY story and so I have to deal with it. No other option. After whittling down my list of reasons to move forward, searching for my why, knowing full well that there are only a few other things in life that I'm passionate about, it's come down to getting the car of my dreams.
Yep, a car. Now, I know most of you are saying "What is he thinkin', a car? What kind of motivation is that?" I know, anybody can buy a car, no big deal. Well, I've been a 'car guy' forever, way before I even had a Drivers License. From day one I've loved foreign cars. BMWs and Porsches were my 'thing'. Someday, someday, I continually told myself throughout the years but it wasn't until about two years ago that the 'dream' finally came true. Better late than never I always say.
But along with everything else I lost, no doubt that hurt me the most. Property is one thing, losing 'my dream' was another thing entirely. Had to jump through some major hoops to get it and to see it leave, without me behind the wheel is something that I doubt I will ever forget. At least not any time soon.
Along with the 'car', I lost what little bit remained of my desire. My desire to succeed. After all, my dream came to an end. What am I supposed to do after that, invent a 'new' dream? As I would come to learn, that wouldn't exactly be too easy. How do you replace a dream you've had for 30 years? Especially one that manifested itself into fifty times better than anything I could have ever hoped it would be.
But replace it I must. Otherwise I'm destined for a life of zero. A life of nothing. Which really isn't my style at all. I'm not here to merely survive, I'd much rather strive to thrive. To do my best despite my surroundings. All I need is a reason, a reason why.
I've always been into Antiques and Collectibles, I love things that are old, untouched and original. The number one rule in the Collectible World is "Rare is where it's at" and I feel that way about most everything. If it's very limited production, the only one in existence, that type of thing, then I get super excited about it.
So last Saturday I decided to pay a visit to the "Dream Store", otherwise known as the Porsche Dealership. I'll be the first to say that I HATE going to Car Dealerships of any kind. Just as soon as you step foot on the Lot, they are on you, wanting you to sign your life away on the dotted line. Although I have to admit it's much better nowadays, with all the info available on the Internet they know that buyers are not the 'sitting ducks' they once were and the Salesmen [and Saleswomen] can't really shoot fish in a barrel any more.
As I walked over to the new Panamera, anxious to see one in 'real life', I was pleasantly surprised at how nice it was. While Porsche is known world wide for their World Class Craftsmanship, it's taken me some time to get used to a four door Porsche but I won't hesitate to say it was damn nice. The interior was absolutely stunning and if I had a spare $150K and I was in the market for a four door sports car, I wouldn't hesitate to look closer at one.
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"Can I help you?" Uh oh, here comes the Sales guy and he's looking at me like a sitting duck! "Oh, that's ok. I just wanted to check the 'Pan' out for myself. I've read so much about them, I wanted to see one in real life."
We talked for a bit and I found out that this guy was actually pretty cool. No high pressure BS, just good info in a relaxed conversation. And as we got to talking, I asked the question that I had really come there to ask in the first place. The MAIN reason for my visit. Have to admit I was surprised by his answer. Very surprised.
"Do you plan on getting a 2010 GT3RS in any time soon?" There, I said it. The only car on my mind for the last year, if not longer and to see one would be a dream come true. Just like the 2007's & '08's, of which there were only a total of 200 produced for the North American Market [including the fifteen that went to Canada], the 2010 GT3RS is limited to three per Dealership. They just started arriving in this country about two weeks ago and I've only read about one up to this point, at a Dealership in Northern Calif. and they wanted $40K over sticker price. That's one hell of a mark~up in my book.
As it turned out, the guy that bought the RS got if for $20K over Sticker because he had just spent $150K two weeks before on a new Panamera. I won't go in to the fact that he drove the RS off the showroom floor and immediately to a local 'Go Fast Shop' to have some modifications done to it. Not sure I'd have the guts to modify one of the most incredible cars in the world, especially when it's BRAND NEW! Must be nice to have money like that.
To which the Salesman replied, "We just sold a new 2010 GT3RS earlier in the week. The buyer used his Orange 2008 GT3RS as a 'trade in'. It's sitting on the Showroom Floor if you want to take a look at it." "IF I WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT IT?" I did my best not to RUN inside but I'd have to think he had a pretty good idea that I was interested in seeing it. You just don't find these sitting on the Showroom Floor of your local Dealership. Most were purchased by Collectors and rarely for sale.
As I got closer to the large glass doors, I could see the orange reflection bouncing off of the other ten Porsches on the floor and every other reflective surface near by. And then, there it was. The Magic Pumpkin. I'm not a diehard fan of Orange but knowing full well that even when you're rich, you don't have a whole lot of choices when it comes to color, I'd be more than ecstatic to own it.
They were available in Orange, a unique shade of Green, an exotic looking Black and a light Silver. A very rare few were 'special ordered' in White and of course, with White being my favorite color for a car, if I could have my choice, I'd pick White for sure. And with the Ceramic Brakes and Yellow calipers, you'd have one of the rarest RS's out there. Now THAT'S what I would call a dream come true.
Once I managed to roll my tongue up off the floor and back into my mouth, which enabled me to speak again, I asked a few more questions which lead to "Mind if I sit in it?" Fortunately for me he replied with an "Of course not, go ahead." And with that, I adjusted the seat to my liking and made myself comfy. With the closing of the door, I knew I was home.
Alcantara Heaven, this leather filled dream machine sucked me in and I never wanted to leave. With only nine thousand miles, this baby is like brand new. And as hard as it was to believe, it looked like it was taken care of by someone that was as 'detail crazy' as I am, which was just icing on the cake.
Turns out it was owned by a guy that races RS Porsches just like it, professionally. Jeez, I guess when you drive one on the weekends, you need one for the weekdays. Sounds like one hell of a plan.
"Want me to take your picture?" "Heck Yeah!" So I hand him my iPhone and mumble a few instuctions. That was about the best I could do at that point considering how dizzy I was and all. After the 'photoshoot', I continued to stare at everything I could inside the car, wanting to absorb every little bit of the experience.
Right down to the deviating color of the stitching on the leather on the dash, seats, pretty much everywhere, this baby was full of options. Even had the original window sticker laying on the dash and as I glanced at it, trying to add it all up in my head as fast as I could, I realized the guy paid at least $150K for it back in '08. Now THAT'S a lot of money in anybodys book.
As I came back to reality, I reluctantly opened the door, proceeded to say goodbye to my 'leather cocoon' [for now] and stepped out of the car. I continued to take some pics of the outside of the car. While not wanting to look like a total dreamer, I knew this was a special occasion and wanted to take in as much of it as I could.
It's priced right in line with the few others that are currently available throughout the Country at $125K, which might seem like a lot of money but considering that the 2010 GT3RS cost this guy right about $200K by the time he left the Dealership, $125K doesn't look so bad!
I said my goodbyes and a big thank you for the experience. Again, not wanting to look like a 'poser' I did my best to contain myself but no doubt I left there a changed person. Changed for the better. I finally found my WHY and I couldn't have been happier. Well, that's not exactly true. I would have been MUCH happier had I been driving it off the showroom floor.
All the way home, I found myself going over all kinds of scenarios in my head. Different ways that I could some way come up with the money to make this happen. Yeah, it's gonna take some time and a bunch of hard work but it IS possible. Anything's possible! Why is it that the things that turn me on are always so damn expensive? Just my luck I guess. I don't like them because they cost a lot of money, I like them because I like them. Period. It's not MY fault they cost a flippin' fortune!
To be honest, I really don't care what it costs. I'm just so grateful to have finally found a reason to get out of bed in the morning, to work hard, to strive to thrive. To me, it's priceless. This won't completely erase the fact that I won't have a woman to cruise around in it with me BUT I have a strong feeling I'll be having such a good time that I probably won't even notice I'm alone.
And if you happen to see a White GT3RS with the Vanity Plate "MY~WHY", go ahead and wave. Chances are I'll pull over and give you a ride. Who knows, you just might find YOUR WHY while we're haulin' a$$ around town!
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