Santas 'SECOND' Second Chance

Ok Santa, this is pretty much it! The last straw. You and I both know that I've truly given it all I have. Nobody could put more positve vibes 'out there' than I have. I've been as patient as humanly possible over these last four years, giving you every opportunity to redeem yourself but you have continued to disappoint me in my time of need.



In fact, disappoint isn't really a strong enough word. These last 3 or 4 Christmas' have been a huge let down to say the least. Perhaps I'm putting too much pressure on you, expecting you to 'over deliver' on your promises.

Now, when I say promises, I guess that's a bit of an overexaggeration. I'm of course basing everything on what I've 'heard' over the years about how much happiness and joy that you've brought into the lives of so many others. Is it wrong for me to want that same happiness and joy? Didn't think so.

Even before we had first officially 'met', I had already heard so much about you that I couldn't wait to meet you in person. All the way to the Mall, I was shakin' with anticipation. I was finally going to meet the Jolly Guy In Red. Good Ol' Saint Nick. The 'real' Superman, the dude that could haul ass all over the world, stopping at everybodys house (Well, at least all the houses where the 'good kids' lived) without waking anybody up and still be back home in time to snuggle with the Mrs. by daybreak. Now that's what I call a true miracle worker.



"C'mon Mom, just park anywhere. I wanna get inside and meet Santa. Heck, just let me out here, I don't care, I just gotta get in there to see him." I mean what's the chance of Santa showing up at J.C. Penneys, especially the one right by my house? And he's here just to see me. How cool is that? I know, right?

That's why I had to get in there ASAP! I wasn't gonna miss this opportunity, no way Jose! How long had I been waiting already, like four or five years? Exactly, my entire lifetime so I wasn't about to wait any longer. Who knew if the 'Red Rider' would ever make it back to my town and I wasn't about to miss him.



Finally, Mom found a parking spot. At least I think she did. I'm not really too sure because as I recall, I was already outta the car and runnin' for the big glass doors of JC Penny before she even stopped the car! I've been to the Mall enough times (to buy fake Levis) to know exactly where 'Pennys' was.

Runnin' on pure adrenaline, past the Food Court (dang, those Corn Dogs smell good but I CAN'T STOP!), hang a left at the Ice Skating Rink (yes, even in So. Cal. we had Ice Skating Rinks. So. Cal. has it all baby!) and around the corner to Santas House. Ok, maybe that last part was a bit 'made up'. I mean c'mon, everybody knows Santa doesn't live at the Mall full time, he lives at the North Pole. He was only doin' a 'Drive By' in Anaheim, just to see ME!



Who could live at the Mall full time anyway? They shut down the Food Court around 9 or 10 at night and so how are you gonna survive without stuff to munch on? Especially Santa because he needs Ice Cream to stay fat and jolly and what a hassle it would have been for him to get Rudolph and the rest of the 'gang' all hitched up just to 'fly' down to 7/Eleven every time he had the munchies. Exactly, not gonna happen. So he had to live at the North Pole, the home of the built in freezer.

Upon rounding the corner, I could begin to see all of the different colored lights flashing and the multi colored ornaments (no, we didn't and still don't call them bobbles. I think only foreigners refer to them that way) everywhere. Woo Hoo, almost there!



What the h. e. double hockey sticks (remember, I was only four or five at the time and wasn't allowed to, let alone didn't even know how to cuss yet) is going on here? What is up with all of these people? Yep, the lineup was insane! So many people in line I couldn't even see Santa from so far back.

But I knew he was 'there' because I could hear his Jolly Ol' Laugh. Sure enough, there's no mistaken that laugh. I had watched enough TV by that point in my life that I knew without a doubt that it was him.

Every year they would have 'special' Christmas Shows on TV that I looked forward to even more than seeing the Wizard Of Oz. Yep, I'd know that laugh anywhere. Even though, as I would come to learn later on it was Burl Ives' laugh and not Santas that I recognized so well. For all I know Burl could have been Santa in a previous life.

Ok, so to the back of the line I went. But I'm not gonna lie, I was pissed! From my understanding (from what my Mom said), Santa was there to see me and ONLY ME! While she might not have said those exact words, no doubt they were implied, whether she meant to or not.



What seemed like hours went by (probably about half an hour but in 'kid time', that's like a week!) and I still wasn't up to the front of the line. But at least by this point I could kinda see Santa sittin' there and what looked like some stupid girl on his lap. WTF? (oh yeah, no cussin', sorry. =}) What was she doin' there, that's my spot. Doesn't she know?

Apparently not. I could sorta hear her rattling off her 'list' of stuff that she wanted for Christmas. Sheesh girl, give it a rest! If he brings you all that stuff, there won't be anything left for any of the rest of us. Now I'm kinda beginning to understand where women get this feeling of entitlement (ooops, probably shouldn't have said that. Of course, I'm just kiddin'. Kinda sorta).


As I begin to tune her out, something else begins to catch my eye. Just off to the side of Santas Sleigh is what appears to be some kinda dog. I can't really make it out but one thing's for sure, it's not moving. Jeez, I hope it's not dead, I like dogs.

But what's really weird is that this dog has a red nose. Now, I'm no dog breeder and I've seen dogs with wet noses before but never one with a Red nose. Right about then, someone taps me on my shoulder and as I turn around, I realize it's my Mom. I had forgotten she was even with me. Well, I guess she wasn't with me until then. I forgot I left her in the parking lot.

So I said "Mom, look at Santas dog, he's got a red nose." To which she replied, "No Bryan, that's Rudolph". And I was like "WTH (dang, I forgot, I didn't cuss at all back then), that can't be Rudolph, he's way too small....and he's not moving....I think he's dead!"



"No Honey (my Mom really loved me), he's just obeying Santa and being a good Reindeer. Santa told him to mind his manners and he's being a good boy. Besides, he needs his rest because he has to do alot of flying around the world on Christmas Eve."

"Well, why doesn't he just lay down and go to sleep?" "Because Sweetheart (did I mention my Mom loved me?), Reindeer are like horses. They sleep standing up." And apparently they sleep with their eyes open too because Rudolph wasn't blinkin'. Not once, I checked. Still not buyin' it, I decided to just let it go.

As one kid after another told Santa how good they had been all year, basically mumbled their entire 'wish lists' to him, had their pictures taken, it was almost my turn. I couldn't understand why half the kids were screamin' and cryin'. Heck, I was all excited to see Santa. Perhaps they were pissed because they were also sold a 'bill of goods' about Santa being there just to see them. Parents say the darndest things.



Ok then, finally it was my turn. But something was strange. As I walked up to Santa, he wasn't anywhere near as fat as I thought he would be. Maybe it's because the screen on the TV added ten pounds to his belly, not really too sure. And I'm not really sure but his beard seemed kinda fake to. I didn't pull on it but it sure looked like it was anyway.

But one thing that was for sure, he wasn't anywhere near as Jolly as I thought he'd be. Nope, in fact as I recall he didn't seem all that happy to see me. Perhaps he was thirsty and needed some Egg Nog? Maybe I should have brought some for him, just in case? Oh well, live and learn.

So about the time his 'Helper Elf', who by the way was way taller in person that I thought he/she/it(?) should have been, helped me to get up on Santas lap, I had already begun to read him my 'List Of Demands' even before he began his "Have you been a good boy" schpeel.



Now, when I say 'read him', I don't mean it literally. Trust me on this one, I didn't need a 'cheat sheet' of any kind. I had been thinkin' about my list long enough to have it wayyyy memorized. I knew exactly what I wanted and he was the guy to make it happen!

Next thing you know, I can hear my Mom sayin' "Smile" and I was instantly 'blinded by the light'. By the light of the flash on the Polaroid camera. Those cameras rocked! You could instantly (ok, within about 3 minutes which in those days was instantly) see your picture once it came out the 'other' end.

Kinda like an Easy Bake Oven, it was pure 'magic' and nobody really knew how it worked (Well, we do now. It's 'cooked' by a light bulb but we didn't know that then, feeling it was better to consider it magic.) but to see your picture basically right away was fantastic. So much better than taking your roll of film down to Thriftys Drug Store and waiting days to get your pictures developed. Although, Thriftys did have Triple Scoop Ice Cream Cones for a quarter so that was the 'bonus' of going there.



Once my eyes readjusted (from the blinding of the flash bulb) and I could walk straight again, it was time to head back to the car. So I said goodbye to Santa and to Rudolph (who STILL wasn't movin' nor was he blinkin').

Oh, what a day this was. I finally got to meet Santa in person and even though he was a bit 'different' than I thought he'd be, at least now I know he's real. And now I know that he knows exactly what I want for Christmas. No way he's gonna drop the ball THIS time.

I know, he's been known to 'mess up' on the order a couple times in the past, sending me 'junk' like sweaters and socks or even worse, those awful Fruit Cakes but no doubt I set him straight this time and no way he's gonna screw it up. Even Santa deserves a Second Chance. After all, he's only human. I think.....

If you can relate to visiting with Santa, I'd enjoy hearing your comments about it below and if you liked this Post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.

I MUST Be On "Football Time"

That's the only way I can think of to explain it. Something is definitely wrong, that's for sure. It's not so much my body clock is off, like I have jet lag or something similar to that but more my mental clock is just totally out of whack. It's like I've lost my mind.


It's as if two minutes takes half an hour. If you've ever had a battery operated clock, perhaps you can relate to what I'm talkin' about. As the batteries begin to run out of juice, you'll notice how every few days you seem to have to reset the time as you lose a few minutes each day.



Then finally, you'll notice the second hand, although doing it's damndest to get up the hill just can't seem to make it past the '9' before it falls back down below the eight again. Struggling again, it attempts to get over the hump but no go. Sure enough, new battery time.



I only wish it was that easy for me. I know my clock is off but it's not as cut and dry as a battery replacement. I miss a very special someone and it's totally thrown my clock all outta whack. That's why I say I must be on football time because it's as if two minutes takes a friggin' half an hour to tick by.



Tick......tick......tick......kinda like Chinese Water Torture, bein' strapped down to a bed of nails while one drip at a time, freezin' cold water is drippin' down on my head and I can't seem to move. Nowhere to hide, even if I could move.




I'm sure you know what I mean. A football game is supposedly an hour worth of play time but between all of the BS, the commercials, replays and officializing the damn game takes three hours or more before it's over. And since I'm not a huge football fan, sometimes the three hours can feel like six.



This might be ok if you are a Fan or if you like to spend your afternoon gettin' hammered and yellin' at the TV but again, just not there for me. That's probably one reason why I'm not real big on this new schedule I find myself living with. When two minutes takes a half an hour, you can only imagine how long an entire twenty four hour day takes.




Not to mention the fact that my mind is so preoccupied with the object of my desire that what there was of my so called sleep pattern has pretty much been tossed right out the window. When I actually do get to sleep, I find that I can barely squeeze in a few hours and the BAM, wide awake!



Layin' there, tossin' and turnin', concentrating my hardest on falling back asleep but the more I try not to think about her the more I find myself thinkin' about her. It's like when someone says to you, whatever you do, DON'T think about such and such and sure enough, no matter how hard you try, you can't think about anything but exactly what they told you not to think about.




I believe it's referred to as The Law of Reverse Psychiatry or something close to that anyway. I know it must have some kinda technical term since it's such a common phenomenon.



It's almost like the opposite of A.D.H.D., whereas with A.D.H.D. it's difficult to stay focused on any one thing for any amount of time. With my ailment, I find it extremely difficult to focus on anything BUT one thing. And one thing only.



I don't seem to be able to repair my clock, no matter how much I try. And what's even crazier, I'm not sure I even want to. Well, I wouldn't mind gettin' a bit more sleep but as far as totally clearin' my head altogether, it's just not possible. No way.




I have WAY TOO MANY hopes and dreams to ever forget about her, even if I did want to. Nope, the impact that she's had on me is even more than I can begin to describe, let alone figure out how to put a stop to it.



Kinda like Niagara Falls, my feelings just continue to flow, gushing forth with an enormous force. A force so strong that I have a hard time believin' anything could stop this current of overwhelmingness.



If I had ever been in this position before, perhaps I might have some type of remedy for what ails me but I can honestly say that I've never been in this or anything even close to this situation prior to this so I have no idea how to proceed.



I guess all I can do is continue to ride it out, in hopes that at some point in the near future, things will get back on track and my clock will return to keeping normal time. I know there's only one way for that to happen and to be honest, I think about that very thing happening 24/7. I just can't help it, she's always on my mind.



Until then, I guess I'll continue to be on Football Time!







If you can relate to having something so powerful on your mind that you're not able to turn it off, I'd enjoy hearing about it and if you liked this Post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.

You've Got Me Spellbound!

Spellbound. I thought it was an actual word but I went to Wikipedia and they rattled off a few movie titles, a couple of records and that was pretty much about it. Apparently it doesn't exist, at least according to Wiki.



Next step, Merriam-Webster. They have to have something on it, correct? Sure enough. Seems it's an adjective meaning: held by or as if by a SPELL. Now that's more like it. And according to good ol' M-W, the first known use of the word was way back in 1785.

Yep, that sounds about right. I think I've been under your Spell for just about that long. Seems like it's been longer but I'll stick with their research. After all, they're the experts, I'm just a mere mortal.

As I browsed the page a bit more, searching for an answer of sorts, some kind of an explanation as to how this could have ever happened. Especially to me. Yes, especially to someone like me.

Sure, no doubt I can be pretty much relentless when it comes to the pursuit of a personal dream or a goal, basically because I hate to fail. At anything. I never want to let myself down by not doing my best, by not giving it my all and even worse, I don't want to be without whatever it is that I'm dreamin' of or striving for.




And I never want to fall short of reaching my goals. That's just unacceptable. Not to sound egotistical but I can usually be counted on to pull off any goal I set for myself. Some things might take a bit more time than others but I know that if another person can do it, I sure as hell can too! And if I set the intention, it's only a matter of time before it manifests.

And while this way of thinking works well when it comes to personal development type things and especially as it pertains to material things, this strategy as it were doesn't hold water in the world of relationships with females of the opposite sex.



Nope, unfortunately it doesn't seem to work anywhere near as well. Perhaps it's the fact that these precious beings have minds of their own and they can do their own thinking. Dammit!

As it turns out, they're fully capable of making a decision as to whether or not they want to take the time to get to know you. And if they don't, you'll usually know pretty damn quick. TOO QUICK!

And for the most part, I'd like to think I'm fairly good at taking a hint and knowing when to hit the road. In fact, I've been known to bail at the first sign of a don't bother, at hidden hints, at signals that aren't even there.




I guess what I'm saying is that without some kind of positive feedback every once in a while, some sort of emotional output from the other side, I have no desire to continue. Not that I'm necessarily giving up, it's just that I don't want to be where I'm not wanted. Or anywhere I perceive that I'm not wanted.

And so that's what leads me to the questioning of my entire thinking process over these last couple years. It's like my own knowledge of right and wrong has been seriously altered by some unknown entity and whatever I previously thought to be appropriate behavior in the realm of relationship building was tossed aside.

Thrown completely out the window in the pursuit of something so much more important to me than pride, than ego, basically even more important than lookin' like a fool! Which for people that know me, they KNOW how much I hate to look like a fool. Trust me on this one, I'm just as surprised as anybody by my behavior.





It's almost as if I'm no longer in control of my faculties. I've obviously lost all self control, not to mention common sense. That's what leads me to believe that I must be under some kinda Spell.



At this point it's becoming increasingly obvious that I'm no longer in charge. In charge of me. I feel like a puppet and someone else is pulling my strings. I'm doing things that I normally would never ever do. Basically I've lost all control.



I have to admit, this is something I just can't explain. It doesn't actaully make any sense, at least from a logical perspective. Why on earth would anybody, at least anybody in their right mind continue to push forward in the face of such a seemingly one sided situation as this one appears to be?



No doubt I can't even begin to answer that question. Well, to be honest I have an answer that I think is correct but I'm a bit afraid to even go there for fear of jinxing it. Any way you look at it, I'm unable to let go, to give up, to stop my pursuit. That's what leads me to believe that I'm being pulled by something so much more powerful than anything and everything I previously thought was important to me.




Which in turn causes me to reevaluate everything I thought was important. Everything that I held near and dear to me has been replaced by something that I can't even begin to figure out, let alone explain. How cool is that? As a matter of fact, not really that cool at all.




To be driven by an unknown source, one that you're unable to turn on or off is not the greatest place to be. Especially when you're a reformed (reforming?) control freak. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not in control of this journey, that's for sure.



So all I can do at this point is to ride it out, to continue on this path of the unknown and wait to see where I end up. Sink or swim, it's obviously not up to me. The current is just too damn strong. I'm just along for the ride.





If you can relate to this Post, I'd appreciate hearing your thoughts and if you enjoyed it, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.

Who Me? Give Up? Not Likely

OK, so I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'd like to think I'm smart enough to know when to give up, to throw in the towel so to speak. I mean, isn't there like some kind of a signal from above, some sort of a sign to let us know when it's time to bail?


Lately, well I really shouldn't say lately as this has been a situation that I've been struggling with for quite some time now. And no doubt I'm not the only one who battles this dilemma on a regular basis. Surely it's a question people have been asking themselves since the beginning of time. When is it ok to give up?




When is it finally ok to say to yourself, enough is enough, I'm done fighting this battle, there's just no way it's ever gonna happen, no possibility whatsoever of it ever coming true?


Now, when I say it, basically that could mean anything, from your hopes and dreams to your aspirations, your goals, anything in your life that you strive for. Anything that you're motivated about, anything you hope to accomplish.


Well, I for one am not so sure there is a certain point that defines the perfect time to give up. Nope, I don't think it's gonna be that easy. Wouldn't that be great if it were that cut 'n dry?




Oh heck yeah, it sure would. If everything in life had a time limit on it then you'd know when to say when, you'd know when you could just say enough is enough, pick up your toys and go home.



At least it would give you a point of reference to look forward to and your goals could be so much more manageable knowing that you only had to put in a certain amount of effort for a specified amount of time and whatever the results were, you would know that you did the best you could with the amount of time that you had available.


And after your time expired, you were in essence off the hook. Good, bad or otherwise, wherever you stood at that point was just going to be the way it is. Dang, that sounds easy doesn't it? How sweet would it be to have everything in your life mapped out for you like that?




But on the other hand, how boring it would be as well. Not that you'd know the exact outcome of everything in your future, but you'd have a pretty close guesstimate. And you could almost predict your future just by altering the amount of effort you put forth. Yep, BORING CENTRAL!

Well then, without an expiration date of sorts, how are we supposed to know when it's ok to quit trying? To let go of our dreams. Is there a certain amount of times that we have to be told "NO, you can't do this....can't have that.....can't date her.....", whatever the case may be? And if so, what gives someone else the authority to tell us that we can't anything?



Nope, I don't see that working either. If you're anything like me and absolutely hate to quit trying, at anything, then I'm sure you'll agree that the last thing you want is someone telling you what to do. Telling you basically when it's ok to officially become a failure. No thanks, not gonna work for me, that's for sure.



Sheesh, it sounds like quitting isn't gonna be as easy as everyone says it is. I mean, doesn't everybody say that quitting is the easy way out? That's the way I heard it anyway. I'm beginning to get the impression that they're completely wrong about it.


I also seem to recall hearing something about quitters being losers. Nobody wants to be referred to as a loser, do they? I would have to imagine that it wouldn't be a sought after title, that's for sure.




They only positive quote I've ever heard in regards to quitting was the often used and well worn "Sobriety is for quitters." I guess that's about one of the only times it's good to be a quitter. No doubt you could also include all of the other vices in the same sentence and they'd all make sense. But other than those few, being a quitter is nothing to be proud of.

Yet there must come a time that we have to face the music, read the writing on the wall and come to a point that we just have to stop trying. The intersection of lack of effort and giving up, that ugly as hell place known as failure. Correct?


I think, in fact I know that that's exactly where I have to say "No, I don't agree." For me failure is a huge problem, a bitter pill that I am unable to swallow, no matter what the situation.



Is it fear of looking like an idiot, a fool? That could be part of it, more than likely a huge part. But for me it's more of an inside thing. While it does bother me to have others see me as a failure of sorts, as someone that didn't accomplish their goals, it's ME that I'm truly concerned about. How will I feel about ME if I give up, if I quit trying. If I just don't give it my all and do my best.

I guess I've been out to prove something (not exactly sure what that something is) my entire life. My Father, in his attempts to get me to do my best tried to beat perseverance into me, one swing of the belt at a time but what he failed to realize was that being the best I could be was already ingrained in me from my first breath. I knew no different.



It wasn't anything that he had to instill in me, anything he had to force upon me, I wanted to, no, I needed to do my best. In every circumstance, in every situation. Sure, like any other kid, I was hoping for my Dads approval. Hoping to make Dad proud and also hoping for a miracle. The miracle of him saying "Good job son, I'm proud of you."

Of course, as I would come to learn, that wasn't gonna happen but that never stopped me from wanting to do my best. At everything I ever did. Not that I can honestly say that I always did my best but there's no doubt in my mind that I always wanted to.

Call it pride, or ego, or just plain being a perfectionist, any way you choose to look at it, I've always demanded the most out of myself. No doubt I'm my own worst critic. Noone can be any harder on me....than ME. That's why giving up isn't an option.



I also have someone very special watching over me from up above that would surely be disappointed in me if I ever gave up and there's just no way I ever want to let her down.

So where exactly does that leave me? If I can't give up, if I can't allow myself to quit, am I doomed to a life of never reaching my goals, never accomplishing what I want in life? Jeez, I sure hope not.

But at the same time, to just quit trying would surely mean that I would never realize my dreams. At least if I keep trying, there's a small, miniscule chance of good things happening. Sure, along with that chance comes loads of despair and disappointment but with that 1% possibility of something good happening in my life, something finally going my way, I'm unable to just take the hint and walk away.



One of my favorite sayings and to be honest, I'm not even sure it's an actual quote and if so, who even said it but it goes something like this. ~You can never ever give up because you don't know who or what is waiting for you just around the next corner.~

I think that quote says so much about perseverance, forging ahead in the face of adversity and just never giving up, NO MATTER WHAT! And with these words as my mantra I will continue to forge ahead, knowing that good things are waiting ahead for me. It's only a matter of time.





If you can relate to wanting to just give up at times or perhaps, like me, unable to know when it's ok to give up, I'd enjoy hearing about it and if you enjoyed this Post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.

Wow, How Lucky Am I?

Yes, I truly am one of the luckiest people ever. Not many people can say that they were able to meet their Guardian Angel in real life. To say that meeting you was a life changing experience doesn't even begin to do you justice.

Although I made an attempt to put into words in a previous Post exactly how we met, You Were Right On Time, words don't even seem to be enough to begin to describe what my Angel has done for me. In fact I know they aren't but words are all I have.

I had no idea when we first met how much my life would change, more so how my outlook on life and my future would change. She helped me turn my despair into drive, desire and motivation. Motivation to make my life the best it can be.

At the time we met, I was going through a complete life transformation of sorts. No doubt I was pretty much on an emotional roller coaster, extremely unsure if all the changes that I was implementing in my life were actually a good thing, not to mention the unsure feeling of not knowing whether or not I could actually stay on track to make them happen. To say I was a basket case is a complete understatement.



While I'd like to think that I have a bit of inner strength, courage and even a hint of willpower, as I've come to learn over these last four years I have much more of each of those traits than I even realized. But I'm unsure as to whether or not I had ANY of those traits prior to meeting my Angel.

Yet, for those that know me, they know I'm an open book and so I never hesitated in letting her know what was on my mind and the struggles I was going through. She never judged me, never looked down on me or held my issues against me. She continued to lift me up, seemingly carrying me on her shoulders, never letting me give up. To say that she schooled me on perseverance is putting it mildly.

When I found myself feeling down and unsure about my future, she continued to force me to look at the positive side of what seemed like a completely negative situation, never letting me fall into my self made trap.



I did my best to describe in an earlier Post just how much having her in my life has meant to me, My Dearest Annabelle, but again, it's just not possible to describe the impact she has had on my life in mere words.

I recently reached a four year milestone of sorts and I KNOW for a fact that if it hadn't been for the life lessons she has taught me, actually reaching this point would have been so much more of a battle. She set the bar so high for strength and courage that there was just no way I could give up or give in. Quitting was NOT an option.

While people may talk about courage in the face of extreme adversity, I dare them to face what she faced on a daily basis and not completely buckle. Not only did she talk the talk, she truly walked the walk and set an example for me that I can only hope to strive for. And I do my best to live up to her expectations on a daily basis.



I find myself being tested quite often these days, seemingly even more so than I have in the past and while I thought those hurdles were insurmountable at the time, of course I've come to learn that somehow I made it through them. Thanks to my Angel, I was able to conquer those problems and continue moving forward to make a better life for myself.

Sure, my life is nowhere near perfect but who's is? Even the richest people on earth have bad days, wake up miserable and ungrateful for what they have. Noone is immune to problems in their lives but as they say, it's not what happens to us that determines our future, it's how we respond to those situations that determines how they will affect our lives.



As I've come to learn, this couldn't be any more true. I was taught this principle by a woman that conquered more in her lifetime than any of us should ever have to endure. She was, is and always will be my pillar of strength. My shining example of how ones life should be lived.


Strength, Courage, Determination and Perseverance have become more than mere words to me, they are the principles that determine how my life should be lived. My Angel taught me that.

While I sometimes struggle to keep these principles in the foreframe of my mind, whenever I find myself feeling down or up against some type of adversity, all I have to do is think about how my Angel would respond in this same situation and I'm able to persevere through the perceived obstacle, fighting my way through to a feeling of accomplishment I never would have known had I just given up and thrown in the towel.



We all have daily struggles, no doubt about that but I know that I am truly one of the luckiest people alive because I have my Guardian Angel watching over me. Thanks to her, I know that the only way I can ever fail is to give up. To give up fighting for my dreams. She taught me that failure is NOT an option.

Thank you Annabelle, from the deepest part of my heart and soul. Thank you for everything you have taught me about life and how it should be lived. To be grateful for every minute of life that we are given. I do my best to show you every day that all the lessons you taught me were not in vain. I strive to be the best ME I can be.

While I will never be able to pay you back for all you've done and continue to do for me on a daily basis, I hope that as you're watching me from up above, that I can make you proud of what I do and who I strive to become.

I had never considered myself to be a lucky person whatsoever, in fact completely the opposite. But you have shown me all of the positive things I have going for me in my life and while I may not have everything in my life that I'm working towards, yet anyway, I know that as long as I continue putting everything I have into building the life of my dreams, anything I desire is truly possible.




Annabelle, I miss you every minute of the day and night and I want you to know that there isn't a second that goes by that you aren't on my mind and in my heart. I love you and you will forever be with me in my heart.

How Do You Know When It's Right?

This is a question that I've been asking myself from about as far back as I can remember. Well, at least somewhere back around the time I became interested in girls. Come to think of it, I've been interested in girls from as far back as I can remember. Sheesh, that IS a long time.



Hard to believe I've been struggling with this question for that long. How will I know when it's right? How will I ever be able to tell when I've met THE ONE? This just has to be one of the most often asked questions, regardless of gender.




I'll bet even the Cavemen were asking this very question as well. I kinda wonder if they just knew it by the feeling of their hair as they drug them into their caves. I'm not thinkin' communication was a huge part of a relationship back then.





I can remember my Dad telling me, "Oh, you'll know when it's right." What kind of a lame answer is that? That seems to be the default answer that every parent read in "The Dummies Guide To Raising Your Kids". Haven't we all heard that standard answer about a million times?





Sure, as kids we fall for it about the first three or four hundred times but after that, we begin to question the logic behind such a theory. At that point, we don't even know how to drive a car, how in the hell are we supposed to know if she's THE ONE? Our one and only, our destiny, our soulmate?



"Oh, don't worry, it's a feeling you'll get inside. You'll know when it's right". Huh? Inside where? Based on that theory, I've met the one on more than one occasion. And let me tell you, it's pretty damn obvious at this point that they weren't the one. At least not the one I dream about anyway.




And besides, what exactly is this feeling that I'm supposed to be getting? Is it a peaceful, serene, quiet inside type of thing or is it a full on frustrating, raging sexual tension kinda thing? It's comical how those that say that I'll know it when I feel it sure as hell are lousy at describing the feeling themselves.


If they found it so easily, and knew they had found it then it seems to me that they should sure be able to describe it just as easily. But all to often that doesn't seem to be the case. Nope, not at all. In fact, completely the opposite.



Most of those that you ask just seem to begin staring at the floor, shuffling their feet in hopes that it's all a bad dream and the question will somehow just disappear, back to whence it came. But no such luck. This is a question that demands an answer. An answer to an as yet unsolved mystery.



So as the questionee begins to ponder all of the possible answers they could give in an effort to just get it over with and answer the question at hand, their mind goes into hyper~drive and the smoke starts pouring out of their ears.






Not only do they not have a legitimate answer, now they find themselves swimming in a sea of self doubt, wondering as to whether or not they themselves ended up with their one and only. After all the questions they asked themselves before they ever made their connection, did they make the right choice?



No doubt they were so sure at the time, not a question in their mind but for some strange reason things aren't so cut 'n dry for them. So they start mumbling some kinda mumbo jumbo, praying that their phone will magically ring, allowing them to get out of answering the original question.



Noticing the extreme anguish on their face, it's probably best to just withdraw the question at this point. No need to cause a divorce over a stupid question, right? Well, it's not that it's a totally stupid question, just one that isn't all that easily answered. No matter how easy you think it is.




Perhaps that's because it's more of a feeling rather than a thought, a process of elimination. Assessing all of your feelings, both positive and negative as they pertain to the person you desire to be with and then coming to a conclusion of sorts, which would make complete sense as I truly believe that the decision to spend the rest of your life with someone is a decision that will have to be made by you, not an outsider so to speak. But for some reason that sounds entirely too logical.



While their input and advice can be a welcome thing in this situation, ultimately it's you that is going to have to decide what's right for you. Oh, and I guess the person that you're planning on spending the rest of eternity with should have a bit of a say in this decision as well. I mean, it's only fair.





After all, this is a huge decision. For both of you. This pretty much spells the end of the road as it were, the end of the dating road. Which as we all know can be a huge blessing. Whether we'd like to admit it or not, DATING SUCKS!



At least for most people it does. Yes, there are some serial daters out there that have made dating their lifes mission, seemingly never wanting it to end. Kinda like those kids that stay in college for 14 years and never graduate. The real world can be a scary thing, same as a real relationship. So much better to hide in the Land Of No Commitment, the home of zero expectations.



I would have to believe that almost everyone would rather be in a monogamous, committed relationship but find it so much easier to just skate through life, single and scammin'.



Like a rock skipping across a pond. Never really landing anywhere stable, just droppin' by only long enough to get some traction for another leap towards who knows where, movin' on to something seemingly bigger and better.

But as we all know, eventually that rock sinks into the muddy, murky depths below, never to be heard from again. And so it is with the dating world. All those years of going from pit stop to pit stop will surely leave you in the pits. Doesn't sound very appealing to me, that's for sure.


But the other side to that dreadful race to nowhereville is the other form of hell, known as settling. Yep, in essence giving up and doing whatever it takes, basically sacrificing your soul to avoid being alone. Surely that's not the answer. Is it?

Damn I hope not because to me, that's just as miserable, if not more so than being alone. I'm sure we've all known plenty of people that although they aren't physically alone, they are some of the loneliest people on earth. Married, kids, the whole nine yards, yet they are so unhappy and only wish they were single again.

How terrible would that be to know that you're in a relationship with someone that you aren't attracted to, have nothing in common with and have zero connection to. Besides a Marriage License of course. Yet, in essence you're stuck with that person forever. I'll take being single and alone over that prison any day of the week.




I truly don't believe that life was meant to be spent alone. Sure, it might appear to be an easier way to live. In theory you can avoid all of the heartache, heart break and disappointment that some relationships tend to entail. But you'll also miss out on all of the joy, happiness and bliss that comes from finding the one. From spending your life with your true love.

Although I have yet to meet my one and only, I know it's only a matter of time before I do. And I also know that it will be worth all of the heartache I've had to endure along the way. It's like they say, without the bad, how would we know when things are good? And I have no doubt that's true.


Of course it totally sucks (ok, MAJORLY totally sucks!) when you're going through all of those bad times and it's even worse when some well meaning individual tells you that it just wasn't meant to be, which at that point is pretty much the last thing you want to hear.

Eventually though, once you scrape up what's left of your heart off the hot asphalt with a worn out spatula (how's that for a visual?) and begin to trudge the long and lonely road ahead once again, you come to realize that it never would have worked for the long haul and to continue on would have just been futile.




And for me, it has to be able to stand the test of time. I want a long term, monogamous, commited relationship and I refuse to bring my heart out of hiding for anything less than that. Why risk all that heartbreak on a connection that doesn't show all the signs of having that possibility? No thank you, not interested.

Problem is, in your mind you were thinking that maybe she could be the one but once you begin to be honest, with yourself and who you truly are on the inside, you have to admit that although you knew it wasn't totally there for you, perhaps the compromises that you were willing to make just wouldn't have been worth it in the long run.

I have no doubt that true love does exist and it will require some sacrifices and to some extent you also have to make compromises. But that isn't to say that you must compromise who you are, on the inside, for another person.



Once you begin to change who you are as a person and what you truly want in a relationship for the sake of not being alone, that is a sure guarantee that you will never be happy in the end.

With over six billion people on the planet, you'd have to think that there's someone, a soulmate, a one and only, out there for everyone. The problem is, how on earth do you find your soulmate? And when and if you are lucky enough to find your one and only, how will you know for sure that this person is THE ONE? Oh, you'll just know.....



Have you found yourself wondering when and IF you'll ever find THE ONE and how you'll know when you do, I'd appreciate hearing your and your feelings about your quest for your soulmate and if you enjoyed this Post, I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with your friends.